Thursday, December 14, 2006
Amy has again inspired me
I was looking at some of my blog links again today and Amy has updated hers a whole bunch! I have to say that I am once again inspired by her. Especially since now I closely resemble her "before" photos. Heck, I think we even kind of look alike.

It's funny, but I've always had a kind of "reverse" body dysmorphic disorder where I think I look better than I really do. Like Anorexics see their skin and bones and think they look fat, I see my lumps and fat rolls and think I don't look so bad, heck, I've been know to think I look damn good.

Unfortunately my weight has become so bad that I no longer have these sad delusions of grandeur.

Last I checked I was 181. I don't want to step on the scale again. I know that whatever number it is it is not good, and I can easily judge that by the way I look and feel and how my clothes fit.

I got my yoga booty ballet, watched it once, then haven't done it. I'm such an unmotivated slug.

But seeing Amy's "before" and "after" photos has inspired me. I look like that. She looked like that. She looks like this now. I can look like she does now.

I'm going to do it. Small lifestyle changes. I was so happy at 147, I thought I looked great. I can get there again. And this time if I press on a little further I can get to my ultimate goal of 130.
Written by Amanda
21 comments hit the beach!

Friday, December 08, 2006
Discover the Secrets of Long Life
Written by Amanda
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Saturday, November 25, 2006
Credit Card Theft Sucks a Big Fat One
If I ever get a hold of the fucker who stole my credit card number online I will beat him/her into a bloody pulp. I have had that damn number for years with no problems, now I had to cancell it and I've got all these subscription and payment things that are contacting me because now they cant charge that number. What a big fucking waste of time.

Thank god for Bank of America's fraud department! They called me up to ask if I had charged (it was declined) a $1000 hotel room. And they tried to set up a website. And now I open my email to get something from Ebay telling me someone tried to set up a new account with my number.

I wish there were mean cops in hot pursuit who get all angry and beaty after finding that fucker. Whew. Oh well, at least that card is done with and I wasn't liable for anything. I'll be more carefull with my online spending now. I'll take advantage of the random number they generate for you for online purchases.

Ok, eating, I haven't been fantastic, what with Thanksgiving, but this is the first in a long line of Thanksgivings that I didn't feel like I was going to barf soon after eating.

I've been trying a new thing (no, I promise, it's not a fad diet, just something to aide) that I read about in the Shangri-La Diet. I thought it was a load of crap but it seems to really help me with my appetite.

I'm one of those "the very last bite is obvioiusly the BEST bite so I MUST eat it" people. What have I been doing you ask?

Taking a spoonful of canola oil in the morning. Yeck you say? It's reallly not quite as bad as you might think, so long as you rinse it down like I have with dieters green tea.

Anyway, when our grandparents were kids they drank cod liver oil and stuff all the time, so it's not that far fetched.

The theory is that your body is getting extra calories it desires, but it's not attaching any flavor to it so it doesn't crave a flavor in association with calories. It really has helped to kill some cravings and appetite. It's very noticeably to me the first half of the week when I was taking it to now when I haven't been.

I'll keep it up and see how it fares. I've got a YogaBootyBallet in the mail on its way to me, and I've been doing cereal for breakfast and lunch. Working on getting healthy again, basically avoiding the scale because lack of speed is my worst de-motivator. So long as I get there, who cares how long it takes?
Written by Amanda
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Thursday, November 16, 2006
I'm alive! Fat, but alive
Hey everybody, thanks for your concern. I'm still here on planet Earth, truckin' along as best I can.

I haven't managed to get myself going with my Herbalife, simply because I have allowed the stress of my job and life to get the better of my eating. I've also messed myself up with a few fad diets and I've finally come to my senses and realized that everytime I go off one I end up weight just a little more each time.

My most recent weight was 179.6 and I was mortified.

I've been doing a lot of stress-related binge eating and drinking and then trying to "fix" it all with a stupid fad.

I was getting dressed this morning and reminded myself how well (ok, there was struggle and difficulty) I did with NS. It was just healthy eating. Why can't I seem to do that on my own? I act like every cookie will be my very last, so I must devour it and reach for another when no one is looking....what is that all about?

So I'm trying to work on just builiding better eating habits. We have been living off of too much fast food and just general crap.

I'm going to have cereal or toast and fruit for breakfast (no more McDonalds or spam musubi), and either bring frozen entrees or try to get myself to Subway for lunch. Dinner has always been my rough time, cracking open a few beers and snorfling whatever yummies I bought to soothe my psyche. I'll probably never give up the beer, I'll admit it, it makes me feel better, but I will work on eating decent meals. Either frozen entrees, something home cooked(not necessarily health food, just not fast food), or if it comes to it, a bowl or two of cereal.

I know I've gotta get back into the exercise, and I remember feeling really good when I was out walking and jogging. I've been home so late and exhausted so often. It's been raining. It's muggy. It's been too hot. It's been too dark. I have managed to excuse myself out of doing it for months.

What really hit me was that this is the first time I've ever felt really uncomfortable in my own skin. And I'm not talking about appearance or anything, I mean when I sit my gut feels like it's in my way. When I walk I have to take breaths. I shift on my couch because my inards feel like they are getting squished. I sweat tons. I have to baby powder my undies or they're soggy by day end. Sweat drips down the back of my knees when I'm curled on the couch. I have no idea how much of that has to do with the actual weather, but I'm associating it with the 30 lbs I've put on in a year. That's bad.

I will try to start posting again. I've got to get myself back into a mental state of trying to lose weight again, and I know you guys can help.
Written by Amanda
5 comments hit the beach!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Ok, last week was a bust I'm sorry to say. Up 1.6 lbs. My fault completely. I call September hell month, and this week is hell week.

Did I mention I hate my job?

Well, after spending the week eating as much garbage as I desired by simply stating these magic words: "I'm so stressed I have to eat/drink" I've sabotaged myself.

After my Sunday weigh-in I had a sit down with myself.

1) Why am I stressed?
Because I hate my job, it's a very stressfull position and I am broke with bills up to my gills.

2) So how is sabotaging your goals on Herbalife helping you?
It doesn't! Dammit, I hate it when I'm right. By sabotaging myself by allowing the cheating I'm cheating myself out of success. I'm cheating myself out of weightloss. I'm cheating myself out of more money to deal with the bills. I'm cheating myself out of the ability to make enough money with Herbalife to GET OUT of a job I despise!!!

3) So, does that make you feel better? Was last week worth it?

I've been excellent since Monday and a peek on the scale has shown me how abundantly I get rewarded by allowing Herbalife to work it's magic! I was down to 169.6 yesterday morning. I've got a whole week of good things in front of me.

Yes, it's still officially hell week at work, but now I know that by standing firm this will be my LAST hell week!

--ok, I had 2 1/2 brownie bites, a half a homemade scone and 1/4 a blueberry muffin today. Good the rest of the way!
Written by Amanda
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Sunday, September 10, 2006
Week 2
Down another 1.4 lbs to make a total of 6 lbs lost in 2 weeks time. Also a total of 10.5 inches gone! Great job, considering I've had the hardest time losing more that 1 lb a week in the last few months, and my period is due at any moment.

I can't wait to see what next week brings!
Written by Amanda
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Friday, September 08, 2006
I need to get outta here!
I can't wait to get the hell out of this place. It's turned me into a total bitch and I can't stand it. Argh!

That's ok, my goal is to skedaddle at the New Year after our 4th quarter bonuses come out. It's just so ridiculously redundant out here. We do the same last minute struggle and crunches for numbers, always moan and goan about how this is awful and we've gotta find a better way, and always do it all over again!

Well, my goal is for Herbalife to get me the hell outta here! By the way, thanks to those who have visited my site and requested sample packs from me. I appreciate the support and I really do think you're going to love the products.

I am completely and utterly broken out right now. I think it's a combination of the intense stress I'm under and also a "purge" of all the garbage in my system. This is really the only time in my life that I have been 100% consistent with taking vitamins and supplents. That in of itself is something awesome that Herbalife has done for me. Even thought I look like a big greasy crap monster I feel great! LOL
Written by Amanda
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Name: Amanda
Location: Hawaii

I'm a 26 year old local haole who was born and raised in Hawaii. I have been in a serious relationship for 4+ years, I own my own home, and I am the proud mother of 2 dogs and a cat.

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Start Weight: 179.6
Current Weight: 179.6
Pounds Lost: 0

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