Thursday, June 30, 2005
Cat is a freaking GODDESS
Ok, all you bloggers out there, get your asses over to BlogTogs ASAP and beg Cat & Anna to design you a new blog.

Cat just showed my my new blog template, and I felt bad for being so demanding of what I wanted, but all my guilt was totally erased when I saw what they created for me. There are no words to describe it. It's simply amazing.

Cat even created my polka-dot bikini per my request.

These women grossly undercharge for the works of art they create, and I am truly honored to have one of their creations as my own.

Thanks to Edith, for bringing us to these amazing women. I'm going to be shouting their praises from the mountains forever!!

Thank you so much Cat & Anna.

I can't wait for this new template to be implemented!!
Written by Amanda
8 comments hit the beach!

155.4, that is my birthday gift from my body. Stuck again in 155 limbo-land. 1.8 lbs. gained from my birthday binge.

I knew I overdid it. I am not going to post this as my official NS weigh in, but I am changing it in my blog for accountability.

This makes the tons of beer, bean dip, and cake not worth it much anymore. I had hoped it would mostly be water weight that I'd be able to get off by today, but alas, no such luck.

I hope it will be gone by next week. I do not want to waste another month with this retarded number.

I'm going to try not to let it get to me, and just hope that I can get rid of it soon.
Written by Amanda
6 comments hit the beach!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Phone call
My phone rang at 9:30 pm last night. Of course I ran to answer it, because the only reason I think that anyone would call me that lat is an emergency.

It was Mom. She wanted to see what I was up to today, to maybe get lunch. I said ok, call me. Then she said we needed to talk about some issues. I at first thought it was about the money I had loaned her, and she was speaking code so Dad wouldn't know what she was talking about, but she told me it was about Steve.

Well, I pressed, and it turned into an hour long lecture on how she doesn't want me to make a mistake and get my heart broken. She told me everything that I've already told Steve. I don't know how to make anyone believe me until he's here and it happens, you know? She kept repeating herself, I kept repeating myself. I was really angry, and hurt. I know she had only good intentions, but I was upset that she did this to me before bed, for me to have to sleep on these feelings, then go and spend the day at work with these feelings, before I can even address them to Steve.

Yeah, I'm absolutely horrified that he'll come back and be an unemployed loser. I'm horrified that I won't have the heart to throw him out. But I have to believe that won't happen, and I have to believe that I can be strong if I need to.

What's better, for me to hope that things will turn out with someone I've spent 3 years loving, or to give up hope and move on, dating people, looking for someone new to love? I have to say that keeping some hope alive and giving someone a chance to prove they've stepped up to the plate, and are now willing to do what needs to be done is a better option in my mind.

And I have to believe that if that does not happen, I will be able to move on.

I don't need this from her now. He won't be back for at least 2 months. He probably won't know for sure about HFD for another 2 months. How is being constantly reminded of that "what ifs" for the next 4 months going to help me any? I'm basing so much on him proving himself to me in the time that he's here. There is nothing that he can do (short of failing to even get back to Hawaii) that will show me yes or no until the time comes that he is here doing what he promised. The only way I can know is when it happens. I can't foretell the future. All that I can do is sit and wait and hope. And encourage and love and pray. When the time comes, he will pass or fail. I don't know what it will be. But I can't be constantly reminded of the possibility of him failing. I know it's possible. But it's not productive to think of it.

Hope is always better than fear.

So this is my fate. I get to sit at work, thinking about the things I need to talk to Steven about tonight. 7 more hours of this.

I know you love me, but thanks Mom.
Written by Amanda
4 comments hit the beach!

Monday, June 27, 2005
Small victory = Small cheat
This is what I talked myself down from today:

Eating a can of Campbells tortellini soup stuff (heated it and put it down the disposal after 2 bites)
Ordering a pizza/wings/cinnamon dessert
Getting a chicken breast piece or chiabatta meal from Jack in the Box with a side of bacon cheddar potato wedges with extra buttermilk ranch
Getting that new thing from Taco Bell....that "portable" thing whose name I can't remember

This is what I did have today:

Slice of birthday cake and milk for breakfast
Single-serve bag of 98% fat free popcorn
2 bites tortellini soup
Glass of chocolate milk
Morningstar black bean burger
1 real can of Coca-Cola

No water. All the diet soda in the house instead.

I bonked my head on the freezer door when I was putting away the condiments for the burger and started crying. Wow, I'm on a short emotional fuse today. I'm really just at the end of my rope trying to keep it together.

This is all probably a sign that it's finally time to give up the birthday parties. I wish I had just had a nice dinner with my parents instead.

On another note, thank you to all who left comments here and at the NS BB. I didn't even realize I had lurkers. I appreciate you guys coming out of hiding to send me some love. And I appreciate my regular bloggers for your support.

I think today I was just awash in terrible loneliness. My BF is gone, I have one friend (everyone else has moved to the mainland over the years, most everyone who was invited are coworker type friends), my parents had to work today, I have my 2 stinky puppies (they got a bath today!) and a grumpy cat who likes to stare at me, constantly plotting my demise.

So, today I'm being thankful for being able to resist succumbing to the food demons, even when I was as down in the dumps as I could've gotten today. I "cheated" with a black bean burger (instead of NS burger), and a real coke. I will probably eat the last Skinny Cows mint sandwich for dessert, and who knows if I won't toss in a bag of NS cookies or something.

Because you know what? It could've been worse. Much worse.

Thank god I was wise enough to leave the case of beer, potato salad, and pan of cake with my parents. Otherwise there would've been no stopping me.

I told myself I wasn't going to let this ruin all my hard work. Dammit, I worked too too hard to get where I am at now. I will NOT gain back any weight because of this. My emotions aren't going to get the best of me. I am in control.

As the new Mrs. O'Hara would say: "After all, tomorrow is another day"
Written by Amanda
9 comments hit the beach!

Pity Party
Today is my birtday. I'm 25.

Yesterday I had my party at the beach. 42 people RSVP'd. About 10 people showed up. Those who did not come, did not bother to call.

My mom and I had TONS of food and beer. We prepared for 42 people. She made like 3 lbs. of bbq chicken, and 3 cakes.

I had my phone on me all day. I have no idea how much I had to drink. I was incredibly pissed/upset.

I tried to have a good time with those who did come, and we did, but I really had to fight back my hurt feelings throughout the day.

I ate a few slices of cake. I had lots and lots of beer. I had a slice of cake for breakfast this morning.

And then I came home. I left all the booze and food at mom's house. I'm glad, otherwise I probably would have eaten all the cake today.

A couple of the people called my work cell and I let it go to voicemail. I don't care what their excuses were. They didn't have the courtesy to answer my calls yesterday, why the hell should I answer theirs today?

Tell me, please. Where has common courtesy gone? Why don't people understand that when you RSVP to something, the host is putting money and effort into the knowledge that you are going to be there. I'm pissed my parents and I wasted so much food and money.

Some of the people who didn't show had wanted to come over tomorrow. This was planned a while ago. I am going to cancel. But at least I will have the courtesy to let them know I'm cancelling. I'm not going to just leave my home and let them knock on my door wondering what happend.

I'm trying very hard to keep with it, because these people and their rudeness isn't worth my gaining any weight back.

Thanks for joining my pity party. I haven't eaten anything except the cake I had this morning. Haven't been hungry. I will try to keep on plan tonight. I just needed to vent.
Written by Amanda
10 comments hit the beach!

Thursday, June 23, 2005
Ummmm, whoa
Steve (BF) just got back from the family wedding in California. To clarify, he got back to Illinois from California, trying to get back to Hawaii by September to pass the Honolulu Fire Dept. (HFD) exam.

He was acting kind of funny, and kind of let things slip here an there, stuff like: "I no longer had any doubt in his I don't want to say". He's not usually like that, I'm usually the one throwing out hints, cuz I'm a girl and stuff :P

But we talked on the webcam last night, and I emailed him the photos below, and he kept telling me how pretty and attractive I am, and how much he missed me, and how great I looked, and on and on.

Anywho, somewhere in the conversation it came up that I was scared he'd come back, and we'd go through the same thing all over again, and he'd be miserable and just want to leave. Of course we've had this conversation before, but last night it was different. That's when he let it spill. I said "how do I know you're not just gonna leave me again", and he said "not if you're my wife." Now, we've joked and talked about it in the past, so that wasn't that dramatic to me. What was dramatic was when he said "I don't have any doubt in my mind". Whoa. That knocked me back, because he had always had doubts. Not really anything in particular, he's just horrified about getting married without being 100% certain because he's Catholic and can't divorce, blah blah blah. And of course I don't want to marry the wrong person and divorce EVER. But he's never said that to me. Ever.

He had mentioned that at the wedding that his cousin asked if she'd be invited to his wedding. I wonder what else was said. I wonder why he's now suddenly so certain. Men are so odd.

Although, I of course still have doubts about him. He needs to show me. He needs to come back here and hold a job. He needs to show me that he can be responsible and can provide for a family. I told him I can't be with him if he's selling cars, and funny thing is normally, he would have protested or said there's good money in cars or something, but this time, he just said "I know". So maybe he means it.

So he's gonna come back, try out for HFD. If he doesn't make if for any reason, he knows he can fall back on cars temporarily, but he knows he needs to look for something steady. Something with security if he wants to be with me.

You know, really, for the first time, I feel like if he comes back he really isn't going to just be doing the same thing over again. Wow. I have legitimate hope.

I couldn't sleep last night.
Written by Amanda
16 comments hit the beach!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Here is pic #2. See notes in original pic. This one my face looks crooked. LOL Posted by Hello
Written by Amanda
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Ok, here it is. Pic #1 from our Father's Day gift. This was matted and framed along with the other photo, and of course the logo was not there. It doesn't do it justice. We "glow" in the actual photo. This man is amazing. He will definitely do my wedding and children one day. Posted by Hello
Written by Amanda
7 comments hit the beach!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005
So I've been looking for Diet Coke with Splenda to try, and I came across something else in the Coke section that I haven't heard anything about. It's called Coca-Cola Zero. It has regular Coca-Cola flavor with zero calories.

Since I couldn't find the Diet Coke with Splenda, I bought a 2-litre of this and brought it home to try. All I can say is ZOWIE!! It tastes exactly how I remember Coca-Cola tasting.

It's greeeeaaaat!
Written by Amanda
9 comments hit the beach!

Manapua is a baked or steamed dumpling with char siu (or other seasoned meat) in it.

Click here for a photo.

You can find it in most Chinese restaurants that offer dim sum carts. They are mostly steamed in bamboo steamers, but the one I had was baked. Yummers!
Written by Amanda
3 comments hit the beach!

I just had a manapua right after my NS entree. Whoops.

I wanted it. Really. I did. It was good too.

I'll skip the afternoon snack.

I don't know what came over me. Maybe it's the weird food day due to lack of grocery shopping. No fruit, not dairy, no salad. I had a lunch bar for breakfast, no fruit, no salad, NS fettucine, tuna, and a should even itself out, right? LOL

That's my theory of why the news is saying diet sodas lead to obesity....people think they can be a little naughty since they're drinking a diet. That always drove me batty.
Written by Amanda
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So I went to lunch with Mom yesterday. We went to an Italian restaurant and we both ordered what sounded like "light" choices from the menu. I ordered a chicken/vegetable pasta tossed in a white wine garlic sauce, she ordered something very similar except it came with potatos and not pasta. Man, oh, man, that stuff was drenched in grease and oil. Blech!

I tried to eat just the chicken and veggies, and we both ended up eating just less than half, and packed up the rest. So much for making healthy choices. I really tried, honest. Sad thing was I started to feel ill even before we left the restaurant. Gave us both indigestion from all the grease.

I also didn't go grocery shopping last night. Phooey. I have to go today.

I forgot breakfast, ok, I didn't really forget, I remembered, but realized I didn't have any bars or milk, so I ate a fudge graham bar I had in my desk for breakfast. The nutritional info was similar, so I'm hoping that won't be a big deal.

I'm having a not so great week. I'm not really sure why. Oh well, such is life.

Sophia, I've got new photos of the kittens....well, actually just my kitten. I haven't put them on the computer to see if they are decent, most of them seemed out of focus.
Written by Amanda
9 comments hit the beach!

Sunday, June 19, 2005
Happy Father's Day
Soooo, just spent the weekend in Kailua. I stained and started to urethane my entertainment center. I need to buy more stain for the 2 bookends as well. I will probably be working on that for another 2 weekends or so, seeing as how this one was taken up by Father's Day stuff, and next weekend will be my birthday stuff! Whew! Busy month!

We gave Dad his gift last night, because as Mom says, "I could never wait for Christmas". He got all teared up when he saw the portraits and kept telling us how beautiful we were. It was really sweet, and you could tell that he was really thrilled with the gift. Well worth every cent. I still haven't got the emailed version of the photos, so maybe I'll harrass the photographer this week. I don't really want to scan the framed pics, cuz a lot will be lost in the process, so I'm hoping it won't come to it.

We went to see Batman Begins today, and all the reviews you are hearing about it are right. It was FANTASTIC. Really. Truly. The best Batman ever. I was truly impressed, and very happy I saw it. I remember rolling my eyes and thinking how stupid it would be when I first heard they were doing a new Batman.....especially with the disaster that the last one was with George Clooney. Oy.

So, go, spend your money. Go. C'mon. Go now......see it. Promise you'll like it.

After that we went to Buzz's for dinner. Eh. I have always thought that restaurant was highly overrated. The food is ok, but I'm never really impressed by anything I get there. I got steak and lobster. And I ate bread. :P Oh and lots of popcorn and butter at the movies. :P again. But we didn't have lunch. And I didn't have a single beer. I had a glass of wine with dinner tonight though. Oh and cookies.

Hmmm. Ok, so I wasn't good. Sue me. I'm gonna be bad next weekend too for my birthday. It's ok, when I'm bad, I don't go completely nutty. That's life, right? The scale read 154 this evening, so I know I should fare well come Thursday.

BTW, I'm totally falling in love with the kitten I'm holding in the pic below. He/she (still not sure) has become the first one to try to explore, and is learning to walk fairly well. They all have their eyes open now, and are just as cute as can be, but this one is walking more or less, while the others are still mostly dragging their back legs still. I took him/her out to hold her for a while, and when I put her back, she started crying and crawled out from under the bed. She did this twice! I kept giving her to her mom, and she's try to wander off again. I like to think she was wandering to me, but who knows.

I've decided if I keep him/her that if it's a boy, I will have to name him either Baron, or Don, as in Baron Von Munchausen, and Don Quixote.......if she's a girl, she'll be Dora, as in Dora the Explorer. Cute, eh? She/he is gonna be quite the pesty little thing, I can tell he's gonna get into lots of trouble!

Ok, I'm done typing for tonight. Hope you all had a good weekend!

Oh, and I'm gonna send Cat my donation to get started on my blog! Yay!
Written by Amanda
3 comments hit the beach!

Friday, June 17, 2005
Drink More Diet Soda, Gain More Weight
An interesting article from Fox News.

Written by Amanda
6 comments hit the beach!

Thursday, June 16, 2005
Ok, just got home from seeing Cinderella Man. Go see it. Dammit, don't ask questions people! Just go see it! It was really fantastic, no truly, I swear. And I hate boxing. Think Seabiscuit with a human.

Anywho, that's not the point. The point is, for some reason I was compelled to buy a top from Ebay this week, that looked a lot less skanky when I won it, so I'm trying on this rather flashy skanky top, and I grab a pair of jeans out of the closet just to see what the top looks like. I made a quick mental note that they were my 8's when I squeezed into them. Now, after about 15 minutes of wearing them, I lift the top of the shirt and I realize that I don't have a humongous roll of fat on top, and though they're snug on the thighs, I have no problems walking or sitting. I am so wearing these pants to work tomorrow baybee!

So how's that? I managed to skip a size? From a 12 down to an 8? Ok ok, so I'm not really an 8, but dammit, I can get my ass in em and zip em up, then I'm an 8!!
Written by Amanda
4 comments hit the beach!

Can I get an "awwwww yeaaaaaaaah"?
Awwwww, yeaaaaah baybeeeeee ~ 153.8 ~ Boo-ya 155! I finally smoked your sorry ass!

Back on the downward trend, and I couldn't be happier. I actually jumped up and down this morning after I got off the scale....I probably woke up my downstairs neighbors.

I'm a happy little camper now! 1.6 lbs lost each week for the last 2 weeks. I'm gonna try to keep it up. This is making me soooooo very happy!

On another note, Mom's picking up my entertainment center for me today (they own the truck) and I'm probably gonna spend the weekend out there staining and finishing it and then doing Father's Day stuff. I should get an emailed copy of the portraits I took with Mom for our Father's Day gift. As soon as I get them, they'll be posted here for all to admire. You may swoon, so have a cushion ready. :P

Now that I've seen some great results (even with like 4 beers last weekend :P ...take that Edith!), maybe I'll be a little more motivated to try to keep extra good this weekend.

But do you see how my body is? It gets stuck and farts around for a few weeks, then it loses fairly quickly until it hits its next stuck point. That's what's so aggravating, because I'm not necessarily a slow loser, I'm more like a "get stuck" loser. Meh.

Oh well, happy happy day. Now if I can just get Cat to get started on my blog already! I've been dying to hear back from them.

Will keep you all informed. :)

Hope all your days are going as good as mine!
Written by Amanda
8 comments hit the beach!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Here's a little rat I found nestling with the kittens. You guys have no idea how small my hands are for perspective. Posted by Hello
Written by Amanda
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One little baby kitten, coming up. They are 6 days old at the point this photo was taken. Look at how big my thumb is! Posted by Hello
Written by Amanda
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7 more pounds go before I hit 23 lbs lost, which is what I managed to do on Atkins. I have until September to lose it, to make NS equal to Atkins. You think I'm gonna make it? LOL. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to lose 7 stinking pounds in 2 1/2 months.

Everytime I start to get salty about not losing 10 lbs. a month, I think about it in another light, and it comes across much better to me.

Tomorrow marks my 4th month, or my 17th official weigh in doing NS. On Monday I was 154.5 (shhh, I know I peeked), but I've been holding steady in the 155's all the other days. I did go a little nutty with the beer on Friday and Sunday.....I know I lied to you Edith!

But you know what, after 4 months on Atkins, I was absolutely dying, damn I wanted bread so bad! And every single little cheat on Atkins caused major cravings and gain. You always ended up having to start over again. I've cheated on NS way worse than I ever did on Atkins, but they've never hurt me in the long run. Sure, they've slowed me down, but I think I'd rather be happy and learning how to take things in moderation than be gung-ho and lose everything real quick, only to go a little crazy when I reach goal.

So if I can lose another 7 lbs. by September 17th, I will be a happy camper. Of course I would be an ecstatic camper if I was 125 come September 17th, but that's just crazy talk.

I got a little reply back from the web-designer's friend/partner just letting me know they got my message and would respond to me. I'm so dying to do this already!! I want I want I want!! Gimme gimme gimme!! I was an only child, can you tell? LOL

Eeep! I just calculated in my head how long it would take me to lose the last 30 lbs. at a rate of 5 lbs. a month......6 months!! Crap! I don't think I'm that patient. I think I'm gonna have to kick this into high gear. But it isn't stopping me from wearing my polka-dot bikini every damn weekend. You should see my tan! I frighten myself. And Mom kept telling me how freaking dark I was last week.....she's never seen me this dark in my adult life. It's funny.

Ok, ok, I'm tired of being a butterball. I loaned my Dad my Winsor Pilates DVD cuz he has a bad back and needs to build his core muscles. I will steal it back this weekend. I took my pups for a little adventure walk yesterday, although I doubt it would count as exercise.

Ok, I'm done yammering on for now. I will post pics of the kittens when I get home tonight.
Written by Amanda
5 comments hit the beach!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005
That's it, I can't take it anymore!
I'm too in love with Edith's new blog! I emailed her designers today and have been furiously checking my email for their response. I want I want I want!

I also changed the name of my blog from Nutrisystem Weightloss Challenge, to: To Thinfinity....and Beyond! When I first titled my blog, it was purely for journaling my diet, so I didn't put any thought into it, nor did I think anyone would be reading this, so it's pretty darn generic. Now I realize that one day I will be at goal, and this will no longer be a blog about my weightloss challenge. It's already a place for me to talk freely about other topics, so that would be the "and Beyond" portion of my title. Don't ask me how I came up with literally just popped into my head. Actually, it first popped into my head as: To Skinfinity...and Beyond! Now what the heck does that mean? It sounds like I'm learning to be a stripper or something! Hahaha

So it's nice that I'm putting a lot more effort into this, and having some forward thinking about it as well. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. It's also nice to know that I'll be here for a while, and that even though I hit my goal, I can still have an outlet for the struggle of keeping it off.

So Edith, you now suck, because your blog is prettier than mine, AND you're costing me $$ !! Bad girl!
Written by Amanda
8 comments hit the beach!

Monday, June 13, 2005
A big fat WOOHOO to Amysmithr, who made GOAL today!
Woohoo for Amy, a fellow NSer and blogger!! She hit her goal of 130 today, after only 5 months, so thanks for putting me to shame Amy :P

She hasn't posted this to her blog yet, and I'm looking forward to pics! But her Goal post on the NS BB was full, so I decided to post my own congrats to the woman here!

Can I get a "hell yeah" people! Let's here it for Amy, for leaving us all in her weight loss dust. Wench!
Written by Amanda
16 comments hit the beach!

Thursday, June 09, 2005
Another week, another pound...
Posting at 1.6 lbs. loss from last week to now. Yay me! I'm still in the death grip of 155, just .5 more and I'll be free, free forever to frolic in the happy arms of 154.9! LOL

So, do we think I can get into the 140s by the end of the month? I think I made that a mini-goal in an earlier post, but my chances are looking bleak. I would have to lose 2 lbs. a week at least twice, then another 1.5 lbs. to pull it off. With the speed I lose at, the prognosis isn't good. But hell, I'll be happy just getting under 155 this month. Then next month I'll be SURE to get into the 140s. Woohoo!

I've been switching my dinner and lunches all week, although I'm just swapping the NS meals, not all the add ons, and I guess it's been working, so that's good.

I've got a highschool graduaton party to go to tonight, I'm sure there'll be lots of ono food, but no alcohol, so I should be fine. I'll eat dinner early.

I've been nixing my NS desserts the last 2 nights for the Skinny Cows mint icecream sandwiches....daaaaaaaaamn, where have these things been all my life? At 130 cals and 2 g of fat they are pretty damn close to being perfect.

I've been popping my head into the NS BB to see that's it's a virtual wasteland of useless topics and people. How sad. I've been TFarking like crazy, so I'm glad there's another great place for me to chat, because I was having major online boredom lately.

Ok boy and gals, talk to you later! Hasta!
Written by Amanda
12 comments hit the beach!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Yaaay! I'm a TFette thanks to my once anonymous spnosor, sariq. TotalFark Rocks! Note the new link to the left. I stayed up entirely too late chatting to some fun people, and I was laughing so hard I was actaully cackling. LOL

I also added a new blog link for Finallysvelte, aka Dominee, and I adjusted my current weight to this morning's readout of 155.8. Hell, if you add it all up it sucks that I've been hovering here for 3 weeks, but it's a whole lot better than that 157 staring me in the face every day.

I was super duper good yesterday, although I did have a dollop of peanut butter and some strawberry all-fruit on a lowcarb tortilla. I counted that as my fruit and my fat. LOL Along with a glass of milk. I've started switching my meals too, so for lunch today I'm having lasagna.

I went grocery shopping last night and bought mint ice cream sandwiches from Skinny Cow. I can't remember the nutritional info off the top of my head, but it looked pretty good for an occasional treat.

Hope everyone's having a good day, and I'm SO glad I have TotalFark now, because I was worried I'd have nothing to do when I ran out of reading blogs since the NS BB is worthless. I highly recommend it for $5 a month, an interesting bunch of very funny people.

Oh, one other thing, Mom's cat had kittens yesterday, so she called me to tell me I'm an auntie. LOL. 5 kittens. Waiting for a pic from her, then I'll go visit them this weekend.

Anyone want me to stick a stamp on one and mail it to you?
Written by Amanda
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Monday, June 06, 2005
PMS sucks ass!
WARNING: Bob, avert your eyes. Woman/hormone talk to follow. Don't say I didn't warn you men-folk.

Wow, I'm really amazed at the effects hormones had on me this weekend. I hadn't realized how much my NuvaRing, and before that Yasmin, controlled my hormones. I had just gone off the NuvaRing last month, for no other reason than I forgot to call in the perscription and got lazy. I figured, hell, my BF is on the mainland, no need anymore. Now I'm definitely reconsidering that theory. I'll have to call it in this week and get back on it. Really the only benefit I thought it had was making TOM very light and short. Now I know it keeps me from shoveling everything I can find into my face.

ATTENTION: Bob, it's now safe to read.

I can't remember all the stuff I managed to devour yesterday (nothing off-plan, only excessive amounts of it), but after managing to talk myself down from the baked beans at 8:30 pm, I was flipping channels and Food Network had Unwrapped on, where they were showing how Dixie plates are made.....I thought it was safe, then what did they go and do? They showed they test the sturdiness with......wait for it.......a pile of baked beans on top!!! LOL, apparently it was about picnic meals. Of course I took that as a sign and bowed to the food gods while opening up my can o' beans. Now keep in mind I did not eat all the beans! But I did eat some, and they were yummy!! LOL

So this morning I've had my NS breakfast bar, and a grande non-fat, sugar-free vanilla latte from Starbucks (dairy), and an apple. I'm going to eat my salad w/lowfat vinigarette dressing (no crutons!) shortly, followed by NS chili (dinner entree) w/lowfat string cheese melted on top.

I have to stop at the grocery store after work, so I'll be stocked up for my afternoon snack, and a NS lunch entree for dinner w/veggies, salad, and fat.

I'm not going to look at the scale, and I won't be upset (or at least I'll try) come Thursday, because of that whole "TOM" thing. I actually feel somewhat bloated right now....belt is a bit tight when I sit.

Weekdays are SO much easier for me to be good, none of that "sitting around the house doing nothing" all day.

Didn't get the fridge, will wait until my August bonus, did get the furniture, they ordered a replacement dresser because mine was damaged, but it looks great! I just need to decorate in there now. Dad came back yesterday to add more supports in the frame so I could get rid of the boxspring because Twinkie couldn't reach....what a baby!

Ok, hope you all had a good weekend except for that lame NS BB drama!
Written by Amanda
3 comments hit the beach!

Sunday, June 05, 2005
I'm a freak!
I tell you people I give up on the NS BB, but where have I been all day? Watching the tedious "drama" unfold. I'm just waiting for my snapping point when I scream at all of them and beg TheWrathofJer to delete everyone's threads. I mean c'mon, we're beating a dead horse here! I'm really losing a lot of respect for some people there (not naming names), and will be very happy if I never read another post with their names attached again. Actually, come to think of it, I never had any real respect for the people/person I am referring to. Meh, no skin off my back.

Anywho, I have been eating ALL freakin weekend long. I don't know why. Nothing I eat satisfies me. I have tried to stick to eating extra "good stuff" like fruit or turkey breast or pickles, but now I'm kind of to the point where I want crutons and baked beans. I just finished ravioli for dinner, and quite honestly, this is the first time I've felt full and satisfied all day.

I must be PMSing, and since this is my first month non-birth control, I think my hormones must be in overdrive. Oh well, I'm gonna go with it, and try not to freak out and binge, but I'm not gonna freak out about the scale either, because I'm also retaining water.

It's just so damn frustrating to feel insatiable like this. I miss the old "geez I'm full" feeling. I may have to have some NS chocolates for dessert, even though I'm pretty sure I've surpassed my caloric limit for the day.
Written by Amanda
4 comments hit the beach!

That's it! I quit!!!
WARNING: Idiotic ranting to follow.

The NS BB I mean. It's entirely too retarded for me now. I just can't freaking take it anymore, I can feel my brains trying to squirt out of my ears when I try to read it nowadays.

What the hell is up with this new "meanies" drama? I tried reading back, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what the hell the problem was until that mystery person posted a copied portion from the board. And I still couldn't figure out what the problem was!! WTF people.

1) I think the "meanies" is a lame-ass "club" for people with retarded second grade senses of humor in desperate need of a hobby in the real world.

2) I think the "meanies" can say whatever they want about me in their space, just like I'm saying whatever the hell I want to say about them here.

3) Don't shoot the messenger people. Someone who lets you know when someone else is saying bad stuff about you rarely does it to hurt you; they think they are looking out for you and doing you a favor, so all those people who jumped down the mystery messenger's throat are stupid.

4) God damn that BB is saccharine sweet and the meanie board is childish humor and games.

5) So the fuck what. What the hell. So is my blog. I can rant and whine and bitch and moan and tell you guys my shitty jokes or talk about my toenails. Read if you want, don't read if you don't want.

When I first started my blog I ranted about Terri Schiavo, and some random asshole blog-reader decided to post a shitty little comment to me. I almost deleted it and changed my blog to not allow comments, but instead I responded to the stupid comment with wit and (I feel) like I slapped that muthafucka down. Hell, it's my blog, so I always win, right?

But that's it, I'm done. One of the last posts I made was to someone who was bitching about *only* losing 3.5 lbs. in just under a week. I told them they had nothing to be upset about, of course I'm sure it came out kind of snotty because I was irritated by the fact that someone could actually be disappointed after one freaking week of doing something AND having success at it. Stupid ass. What I really wanted to say was: "Well, you'd better be prepared to live a fat and miserable existence, becuase with an attitude like that, ain't nothing in life that's ever gonna live up to your skewed expectations." And that was actually what I was thinking when I typed what I did, and I'm sure the tone came through. LOL

There was a time in my youth when I thought I was a "people person". It didn't take me very long to decide that I really dislike people a lot. More people need to be weeded out by natural selection if you want my opinion.

Ok, I'm done ranting. So let me know if anyone's ever looking for me on the BB, and let 'em know to come here and post me a comment. I might pop up now and again to give my link, but I just can't take it anymore. Oh, also be sure to let me know if anyone's talking smack, so I can open up a can on their asses, and let me know if that damn BB ever changes and gets a normal sense of humor.

Took our portrait photos yesterday, they came out really nice. I asked the photographer if he could email me a copy, and he was kind enough to oblige me. I told him it was just for here and to email to my BF, so he could put his logo all over it if he liked. I will post it as soon as I get it from him.

I also got my bedroom furniture yesterday! Yaaay! My bed is too tall for Twinkie to jump up onto. LOL. She managed it a few times, then she lost confidence and whines and makes me pick her up. I considered launching her across the room a few times last night.

I asked Dad if he could put more bedrails in so I can remove the box spring. Hopefully he'll bring them out today so I can get a good night's sleep for work on Monday.

Ok, I think I'm done talking today. Oh, you can all be proud of me, I didn't have any beer at Mom's yesterday. But I did eat too much roast chicken. It was yummers!
Written by Amanda
12 comments hit the beach!

Friday, June 03, 2005
Well, so much for being 100% until my birthday!

A good friend of mine from work told me she'd come over if I had a beer with turned into 3, and 3 slices of Digorno's pizza!

Goddammit I suck. I had a really nice time with her, and it's so rare that she has time to do anything with me, that I'll do just about anything to hang out with her. We have such a great time talking, and she's almost old enough to be my grandmother, but we have such a great time!

Oy, I was doing so well, but I just couldn't let that offer pass. I've got 2 more slices of pizza sitting in the oven that I actually contemplated just devouring, but no, I will NOT! I'll leave them in there and forget about them overrnight then they will be too yucky to eat!

I'm disappointed in myself, especially because I was 155.8 this morning. Oh well.

You know what, this is a part of life. Friends come to visit, and you have some alcohol, and you have a good time, and you eat stuff that isn't necessarily good for you. Skinny people do it, so can fat people. Sue me. It's not like I went on a bender with a whole pizza and a pint of Ben & Jerry's or anything.

If skinny people are allowed to have fun, so are chubbies.
Written by Amanda
9 comments hit the beach!

Oh duh, I re-read my post from last night and left out the most important part!!

I was good at Chili's while sitting at the freaking BAR!!!

I was staring at all the booze, and as I looked from bottle to bottle, or at the Bud Light tap, I just told myself, "Nah, no need, I'd rather be skinny". Cool, huh?

And this morning I sneaked a peek at the scale and it read 155.8. I think my scale enjoys torturing me on official weigh days, waiting until Friday to make me smile.....bastard.

The last two days I finished eating my salad, then I'd go about my business and suddenly run into the rest of my lunch and realize I still had the NS entree and dairy/protein to finish! OMG! I thought that salad filled me up!

Today I had a Jack in the Box salad w/light balsamic dressing and NO crutons. I still have to eat my entree, and it's 1:32.....I don't know why I've been so full lately.

Ok, it's Friday, and it's almost Pau Hana time. Woohoo!
Written by Amanda
2 comments hit the beach!

Thursday, June 02, 2005
I was a good girl
I had a dentist appointment so afterwards I decided to stop by the mall and have my tire rotation checked and an oil change at Sears while I wandered aimlessly.

After dropping off my car, and having to talk to a really weird salesman who kept complimenting me in what seemed an attempt to pick me up, then he'd talk about his 19 year old daughter - weird! - I went to Chili's to have dinner. I had the Guiltless Grilled Salmon, which came with a side of black beans and steamed veggies. I ate half the salmon, and half the beans (really hard to do, I love black beans!), and ALL the veggies. I didn't order a salad because I don't think the dressing I like is anywhere near lowfat.

I also had about 4 glasses of iced tea with sweet n low (blech! bitter).

I have to eat my dessert, fruit and dairy/protein still, so I think I'll have strawberries dipped in NS chocolate and a glass of milk! Life is good. :)

I'm not much of an impulse buyer, but I am in a way. It's kind of weird, let me explain, then tell me if any of you are crazy like me.

For some reason I got it into my head to shop the internet for bottom-freezer refrigerators. Not sure why, it might have something to do with the fact I cleaned mine out last night and there was a bunch of nasty stuff in there that I didn't even see. I hate my fridge. It is horrid. I can't believe someone didn't think of putting the stupid freezer on the bottom sooner than this!

Anywho, here I am shopping for fridges. Then at the mall I went and talked to the Sears girl. I found a Maytag 21 cu./ft. with glass shelves & factory icemaker for $899 on The local Sears doesnt carry it, but they can order it for $100 extra. Sears is currently having a 10% off sale until Saturday. Sooooo, I would still be getting this fridge for $899 (and if you've looked at these, you'll know this is a damn good price)! LOL Now I've got until Saturday to decide if I'm gonna impulse buy this fridge. Cuz technically I don't need it, I just hate mine.

I also sent Mom one that I found. She has been wanting the same thing, but wants one with water and ice through the door. Now she wants to meet me tomorrow at the Sears Distribution Center to see if they have anything similar. They sell discounted scratch and dent stuff. I also called my contact at Servco to see if they can get me a better deal. (One of the perks of working for a homebuilder, you can get first dibs on good stuff or cut rate prices, I got a glass-top stove for $150 because we gave the wrong model to a homeowner and it had been used by her)

So it's kind of weird, I always start out just kind of shopping, then I get all frantic and impulsive. I did the same thing with my digital camera and my computer. I think I get it from my Dad. LOL

Anywho, off to eat my dessert....poor poor Manda, having to suffer with this diet.
Written by Amanda
11 comments hit the beach!

Fucking-A, dammit all to Hell.

I'm gonna write my counselor today. I'm really getting upset with my super slow weight loss. I mean, last weekend was the ONLY huge blowout I've had on this plan. Every other weekend the only off-planning I've been doing is 2 measly Bud Lights. I can't imagine that 2 stupid beers a week is keeping me from losing.

I'm totally responsible for being at 157 this morning, but prior to that, I think I was doing great, and it's REALLY starting to upset me that everyone else is dropping weight like there's no tomorrow, and I'm sitting here twiddling around a pound at a time then getting stuck.

I just want to cry. Seriously, when I started this plan, I guesstimated that I'd reach goal around July. This is bullshit. I've got 32 more pounds to lose to reach goal! I've been doing this since 2/17, and it's getting ridiculous.

I'm NEVER going to reach goal at this pace.
Written by Amanda
9 comments hit the beach!

Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Lazy and grumpy today, don't want to bother with a real post.

Portrait w/Mom on Saturday, bedroom furniture coming the same day. Will report more when I feel like it.


Written by Amanda
3 comments hit the beach!

Name: Amanda
Location: Hawaii

I'm a 26 year old local haole who was born and raised in Hawaii. I have been in a serious relationship for 4+ years, I own my own home, and I am the proud mother of 2 dogs and a cat.

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Start Weight: 179.6
Current Weight: 179.6
Pounds Lost: 0

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