Friday, October 21, 2005
What have I done?!?!

I just ordered a month's worth of Medifast!

They claim that I can lose up to 20 lbs. in one month. That's really just about all I want to lose now.

I was swayed by a local radio host, Hudson on Star 101.9. She's lost about 50 lbs. on Medifast. I grew up listening to her (well, not grew up, but throughout highschool), and after she had her son, she was basically a fat cow like me. I haven't listened to her in a long time, but a coworker of mine had mentioned it, and tonight as I was surfing I decided to check her out, and I was really amazed with her results! You can see her here.

Let's face it. You can see from my blogging that I'm downright sick of the NS foods. Don't get me wrong, I think they're all delicious, really, and I'm sure I'll eventually eat everything out of my pantry, but right now I'm just not wanting to eat them to lose weight.

Everyone needs a little variety, and maybe this change will be enough to shake things up a bit. I'm a little worried about the way the food will taste. I've seen the little white packets before and they didn't look appealing at all. Blech.

I can take comfort in the knowledge that if this works (and I work it), I will probably only need to be on it for one month.

We all know I've learned how to maintain my weight by the fact that I've managed to not go over 150 in the last 2 months. I've just reached a standstill at going back down.

I'm hoping Medifast will get me there fast, then everything I've learned from NS will kick in and keep me there.

Oh god, what the hell have I done??
Written by Amanda
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Ok, here's my day so far:

South Beach breakfast bar
small cup coffee with 1 little cup thing of half & half and equal

3 authentic mexican tacos w/beans and rice
1 huge can Arizona iced tea

Now I can't stop burping! Good news though, I ate about 2 hours ago, and I'm still stuffed (and burping!).

Will probably have a bowl of Special K for dinner tonight too. I know I could have done better for lunch, but I could have done worse, right?
Written by Amanda
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Follow me down
148.6 this morning.

Slowly but (hopefully) steadily back down again.

Had approx. 3 bowls of Special K for dinner last night, my leftover Salmon for lunch, no workout.

TIIIIIIIIIRED. I need a vacation. So so sleepy!

Oh, I forgot to mention (I didn't realize it was this weekend), but on Sunday morning I have the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 1K fun walk. Blech. How'd I get talked into this? So I suppose I'll be getting some exercise in on Sunday, yay me.

Hope everyone is doing well.
Written by Amanda
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Thursday, October 20, 2005
Ok, you can all form a nice uniform circle around me, extend right arm, extend right index finger, now point and laugh.

149.6 this morning. Ok ok, you all know I was full of it yesterday.

I think I've got the junk food desire out of my system for now. Steve had Taco Bell last night (at 10:30, and thought it smelled yummy, I didn't even ask him for a bite.

I did my Pilates yesterday, and I can't believe I ever managed to get through that whole DVD at one point. Damn that hurts. There are some exercises where it actually feels like your ab muscles are going to rip apart from eachother and your innards are gonna pop out all over the floor.

So, this morning I had a bowl of Special K and some 2% milk (I don't care what Steve says, I'm going back to skim) and a spoonful of Splenda. I'm drinking my NF SF vanilla latte right now (you don't suppose Starbucks has been secretely spiking my coffee with whole milk, do you?). I've got my divine leftover salmon in the fridge for lunch.

I think the only way to lose weight is to ditch the man. But since I kinda like having him around, I guess I'll have to try harder to ignore his requests for real food while I eat mine.

Oh yeah, and I'm grouchy as usual. I really can't wait for Halloween weekend, I took Monday & Tuesday off, so I have a niiiiiice loooooong 4 day weekend to look forward to. I really really need it!
Written by Amanda
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Wednesday, October 19, 2005
I LAUGH in the face of fat! I SNORT at the sight of grease!

Ok, I give up. I'm a sucky sucky naughty dieter! I couldn't do it. I couldn't talk myself into the NS Fettucine. I think I'm officially sick of this food. How sad.

My grouchiness has a direct correlation to my naughty food consumption, I know that now. I had to drive home from work to give my poor broke BF (payday tomorrow) some money so he wouldn't starve (he managed to lose $12 because he doesn't use his wallet, he shoves stuff in his pockets then wonders why he can't find it later), and he actually asked me if I took his money! That just irritated me. I know he leaves his money sitting around, I leave it alone, because I have my own money in my wallet. Turkey. So I was irked.

I've been getting irked a lot lately. I must need a vacation.

So anywho, I stopped at Jack in the Box on the way back to work, and instead of getting something semi-healthy, I ordered 2 tacos and a Jr. bacon cheeseburger, oooh, and a diet coke! YUM.

I couldn't help it.

I will eat well at dinner, and do my workout. My thought process is this (don't roll your eyes at me): When I ate crap and didn't exercise, I fluctuated between 147 & 150, never over 150. What if I can sometimes eat crap (whenever I damn well feel like it) and exercise (eh, eh?), maybe I can actually see the scale go down?

Skinny girls eat crap food. Skinny girls eat crap food and exercise. Fat girls eat crap and don't exercise.

I think this is a light bulb moment. :P

I said stop rolling your damn eyes at me!

I'll show you!
Written by Amanda
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Ok, tum tum muscles still sore, no workout yesterday, shall do one tonight when I get home from work.

I had some fries yesterday, and some hard candy. But we went through the Jack in the Box drivethrough yesterday and I kept with my Southwest Pita, I did succumb to too many fries and buttermilk ranch, but I didn't eat anything else (except for a slice of turkey ham) last night.

148.8 this morning. No new news for me, I've been doing this for months. The real joy will come when I see 146.

I also bid on my Halloween costume, as well as Steves (Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf). Hopefully it will fit and I won't look tragic.
Written by Amanda
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Tuesday, October 18, 2005
10/17/05 Accountability Log
Ok, taking off from where I left off yesterday, I got home and had a piece of kal-bi as a protein serving. For dinner I had 1/2-1 cup of leftover dirty rice. Oh yeah, and the very last lone little Reese's Peanutbutter Cup. Lot's of iced tea with Splenda.

And I did my Pilates workout! Yay! Ok, maybe not the whole thing, but as much as my unused muscles could handle. My tum-tum's a little sore today from the beating it took, but I'm happy I got it all in.

Yesterday I was 150, this morning I was 149. We've gotta get down to 146 before I decide this isn't just a regular fluctuation for me :)

This morning I had NS Flakes with 2% (that's all Steve will drink and I can't bring myself to have 2 types of milk in the fridge) with Splenda on top. Missed the coffee, and had the last apple banana at work. Don't have a salad with me, suppose I'll pick one up late on the way home, but I've got my Black Beans and Rice in the drawer for lunch.
Written by Amanda
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Monday, October 17, 2005
So I was thinking to myself....
...self, why is it October 17th and you've lost exactly 0 pounds since you've proclaimed to lose 10 pounds by the end of the month?

And I told myself: "self, you've been busy, you've been stressed, you've been too tired to exercise, etc. etc." and I looked at myself again and said: "self, that's horseshit and you know it. It's the beer and the 3 bags of Halloween candy you helped Steve polish off. It's the eating dinner at a regular hour and then cooking something different (and yummier looking) for Steve late, and essentially eating 2 dinners. It's being too damn lazy to workout. It's not looking back to NS for some support, which I obviously need at this point."

So, here I am, proclaiming again to get my ass into gear. I've been fiddling between 147 & 150 lbs. for the last month, and I'm damn tired of it now. I peeked at the NS BB (I really don't wanna go back there, it's so full of n00bs now it's downright aggravating!). You guys need to come and scold me. 2 comments on my last post? Have I been away that long that you've all abandoned me?

I was laying out at the beach yesterday, and I started to flex my tummy (half-assed beach Pilates) and I decided this. I poured out my half-drunk (and by now warm) beer and decided I didn't want my weight-loss journey to end here again. Nope. I wanna keep going. Had to eat PB&J for lunch, but I stuck with Diet Barqs. Then Mom made kal-bi (Korean short ribs), very very yummy. I did well on my portion control on that, but I think I had too much wine (I was getting the third degree about Steve since he wasn't there (car salesman eh? smokes? 4 years?) blah blah blah, which just stresses me out. So I admit I sucked down the wine a bit quickly, but these people depressed me. What business is it of theirs how long we've been together and what he does? Dammit. I'm an adult. Let me be.


So, here's what I'm gonna do.

Everyday I'm coming here and posting if I cheated or did well by my diet plan. I'll also post if I managed a workout or not. Please scold me via email and/or comments if I fail to keep up my end of the bargain. Jan and Tina, I know you guys love to scold me. Bob, Sue and Sheryl, you guys are so sweet and encouraging. All the rest of you I haven't heard from in a while, feel free to pitch in and scold. I really just can't bring myself to re-enter the NS BB world anymore. Ugh.

So, even though it's noon today and I have yet to eat my lunch (pasta and beef), I've had my cereal, 2 apple bananas (about 1/2 size of a regular banana), a bottle of OJ (2 servings worth), and a grande NF SF vanilla latte.

I don't know anyone who got fat eating too many bananas and drinking too much OJ ;)
Written by Amanda
8 comments hit the beach!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Me likey the boozy too much :P
I had dinner and drinks with Fran after work yesterday. I have entirely too much fun with a woman who is old enough to by my mother (and then some). I've always got along with people many years my senior. Don't know why. Always thought my peers were stupid and immature in a lot of things, always enjoyed talking to my parents' friends more :)

Well, after our dinner and several beers, we headed back to her place for MORE beer! Whhheeee! She showed me photos from her Alaskan cruise she just got back from....absolutely beautiful by the way. You should all do it one day. The glaciers are amazing. She could blow them up and frame them.

Steve had to work late, and I thought I'd still make it home before him. Well, I was WRONG! Dammit. I got home around 10:15 pm last night, and he beat me by about 20 mins. He was all pissed. I thought he was pissed that I wasn't home before him (I still think that was his main issue) so I got into it with him. Then he just told me he doesn't like me drinking so much. Honestly, it's not like I sit around at home doing Tequila shots while I'm doing the dishes. I'm 25 years old for chrissakes. I have a stressfull job. I enjoy my beer after work. I haven't had beer in my home for months. I have drinks with the girls after a rough day at Chilis. I don't go bar hopping. I'm not out clubbing and puking on the weekends. Really, my only alcohol intake is when I'm out with my girlfriends after work. Maybe it seems like I'm doing it more often simply because of last month and what it did to us at work. I'm still feeling the residual stress and exhaustion.

Everyone at work wants like a 3 month vacation. We all come in and look at our desks and lists of things to do, groan, and try to find another way to put it off. We really just can't do it. We are burned out! Argh!

Anywho, we're better this morning. I'm exhaused and had a tummy ache, but nothing tragic.

I didn't post the other day, but I came home on Monday and cleaned out my closet! Yay! I had gone to Home Depot to get Configurations by Rubbermaid to redo all my shelves in my closet so I could reconfigure it to something more useful. Of course they didn't have it :P

They've carried it in the past, but I guess that since we're in Hawaii, it's not a regular stock item, it's just something they get in occasionally and sell out. Poopie. So I went home defeated. But I decided to clean out my closet anyways. Amazing. I vacuum packe all the dresses I rarely wear, tossed the clothes I never wear or are too young for me into a donation bag, found some shirts I'd been looking for since last year, found the floor of my closet, sucked up the pounds worth of hair bunnies, and organized the closet configuration I already have to at least work better for us in the meantime. Steve wears slacks and aloha shirts, so most of his clothes are hanging. I hang all my work shirts and my jeans. The vacuum and water heater, laundry hamper and soaps, towels and a plastic set of drawers all need to share the same space in this closet. They all had, but very messily. Now that I chucked a bunch of crap, and shrank down some less-than-often worn items and stored them under my bed, I've got plenty of room. I even put my shoes in there! Well, not all my shoes. We'll think about that later ;)

Well, I felt accomplished. This is thanks to My home is spotless and clean (except for my hotspot on the dining table, still covered in stuff that needs to go to the post office), and when Steve got home I showed him the closet. I said "see, I cleaned it out and organized it!". What was his response? "Oh, ok".

Dammit! Men suck! I want a little acknowledgement for the beautiful household I keep. He knows it didn't always look this way! What, does he not care if it looks like a bunch of pigs rolled through the house? Is it all the same to him?

Anywho, boys are dumb :P

Ok everyone, enjoy my novel. This was a really long and rambling post. I think I started out with a point, and I must have lost it somewhere between the cruise and the towels....sorry :)
Written by Amanda
2 comments hit the beach!

Monday, October 10, 2005
Sorry guys....
But I couldn't stand the random & retarded anonymous comment spam. It's so weird, it's not even on new posts, they must be far back. So I'm sorry to have to succumb to the word-verification garbage.

I'm fat! Argh!

I spent the day at the mall with a girlfriend, and she talked me in (ok, she didn't have to try very hard) to CPK for lunch. We had appetizers, pizza, and a chocolate souffle for dessert! Eep!

And then for no apparent reason (I'm a little depressed) I got a cinnamon roll at Starbucks with my coffee this morning. I'm going to really make an effort to do my workout after work today. I've been rather lethargic and just generally down lately. Haven't been able to put my finger on the cause, but I'm sure the endorphins and physical movement will help get me out of this funk.

I was down to 147.4 on Thursday (sooooo close to 146 I could smell it), back up to 148.6 on Friday (yucky, I was good, too!), so I think that led me to want to eat on Sunday at the mall. I was 149.4 this morning! Ok scale, meet closet, closet, scale. Have fun you two. No more weighing every day!

Steve had to work on his day off, he's worn out and completely exhausted. We don't have much quality time because we're both so burned out. I slept until 1 pm on Saturday, and he crashed last night at 8 pm, woke up at 1 am, fell asleep on the couch, came back to be around 5:30 am. He won't have a day off for another 9 (?) days or so. This is why I really didn't want him to go back to car sales. It's really an awful life.

Did I mention he failed the Firefighter exam by ONE point? Yup. Disgusting, isn't it? He's requested his results be recounted by hand, so I guess we're waiting for those results, but we're not really that hopeful. Damn that sucks. It really does.

I'm going to eat my NS mashed potatoes now (I'm still really really full from that cinnamon roll this morning).

Hope to get out of this funk soon.

Congratulations to BOB!
Written by Amanda
6 comments hit the beach!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Counting down

148.8 this morning. The scale is creeping back down. I'm SO happy to see this number again! In a few days I might even be back to 147 or better - LOWER!


Glad to see the scale obey again, and even gladder to see that my body is quick to recover from September's ills.

I made tacos last night. Steve had real tacos, I had NS tacos. We also ate a bag of salad (yummy mexican flavor, not too bad on the calories). That was the only official NS thing I ate yesterday, I ate off plan all day, but I followed my guidelines and servings fairly well. My body knows how to eat.

I played hookey from work yesterday. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't drag my ass out of bed and spend a day in the office yesterday. I was going to stay home and vege and read and clean and workout and relax while Steve ran his errands. The problem was that the two of us have a problem leaving the other alone. He didn't leave the house till around 2pm because he didn't want to leave me! LOL

I had to force him to get out and run his errands for work the next day. That also kept me from really doing what I wanted to do, sometimes I just wanna be alone. It was nice though, and I missed him when he was gone. But all in all, I really needed that day. This morning I dragged my sorry ass outta bed and got a big ass Starbucks. Doing paperwork up the wazoo, and a walkthrough. Maybe I'll take off early today. That's one of the luxuries of working on a construction site, your boss isn't breathing down your neck all day, you have a bit of freedom. I always believe that if you get all your work done and no one is suffering because of you, then you should be able to come and go to work as you please. Well, my work gets done, and no one has to do anything for me, I think I should get to leave! I stay late when I need to. I leave early when I can. Life is good.
Written by Amanda
9 comments hit the beach!

Monday, October 03, 2005
September is gone, and so is the Fat Fighter Challenge
Well, that was a bust, wasn't it?

4.8 lbs! In 12 weeks! Bah!

I was doing ok, sure, not great, and I certainly wasn't going to be winning anything when I saw what the other girls were losing, but then I had to go and get an ass-whoopin from the month from Hell.

So much for challenges. Let me know where to send that pineapple, and congratulations!

So here I am, feeling tubby at 150. I know I promised to get back on track on October 1st, and I did. But I forgot I was going to a memorial service for a friend & neighbor who passed away last month. I told myself I wasn't going to eat when I got there since I'd already eaten, but the food was amazing! Even Steve kept raving about the food, and how he tried and liked everything!

Then they had the table with the insanely wonderful brownies and cheesecake. Well, I certainly felt guilty about last night.

But, even after pitfalls and disappointment, here I am with my NS Chocolate Chip bar and vegetable soup. I sadly missed out on my morning Starbucks (which would have made my dairy serving with breakfast), and all my fruit is less than desireable, so I'm going to have to make a run to the grocery store on my way home.

Maybe I'll make a trip back into town and get an afternoon Starbucks and some additions to my meal.

Steve won't be home when I get home; he's working today. That will be nice. I like having a moment to unwind to myself. Then I'll be able to do my Pilates workout, and get some cleaning done with my FLYlady.

He's finally going to have a bit of structure and a schedule, which will certainly help me as well.

Now, when I say I'm going to be 100% with NS, I had first thought I would do the NS food only again, but now that I've thought a little more on it, I've decided that's not really going to happen. It just means I'm going to watch my portion sizes (I've been cooking pretty healthy), and when we go through the Jack in the Box drive through (one of our favorite things to do), it means I'm back to my Southwest Pita and not the two tacos with a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger :(

I know how to eat right. I proved that to myself by maintaining (actually fluctuating up and down a pound or two) since Steve has been back. It's really in the last week or two of September that I really lost it and went nuts.

I'll be fine. I'll get there, in time.
Written by Amanda
3 comments hit the beach!

Name: Amanda
Location: Hawaii

I'm a 26 year old local haole who was born and raised in Hawaii. I have been in a serious relationship for 4+ years, I own my own home, and I am the proud mother of 2 dogs and a cat.

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Start Weight: 179.6
Current Weight: 179.6
Pounds Lost: 0

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