Tuesday, December 27, 2005
I was gonna call this post "Spring Cleaning", but it's actually New Year's cleaning. Sorry to say goodbye to the following blogs, but these have not been updated in over 3 months, and one is completely gone!

If you belong to one of these blogs and wish to begin posting again and get reinstated to my list, just drop me a line, we'd all love to have you back posting again!

Say your final farewells to the following:





Written by Amanda
11 comments hit the beach!

To all of you who not only managed to stay on track and maintain through the holidays, but actually lost weight! I don't know how you did it, honestly. And I hate you for it. In a loving kind of way. :)

I had a doctor's appointment on Thursday, and of course they weigh you no matter what your reason for being there. I joked to the nurse not to let me look at the scale and I was starting my diet again after New Years, she smiled at me, so I thought she understood. So I step on the scale, not looking, and she says "158, ok you can get off". I was stunned!! Was she the antichrist?? Evil wicked horrid woman! Sidenote: I was actually 154 according to my home scale the next morning.

Anywho, Steve and I shook on it, it's official. He will quit smoking and I will go back on my diet and lose about 30 lbs. come January 1st. Let's just say it won't be a very happy place to live, I'm sure.

I've got a month's worth of Medifast and a month's worth (and then some) of NS. I think I can Medifast it with NS dinners the first month, then follow up with NS meals for breakfast and lunch and healthy home cooked meals at home. I think that's a great plan to a) get me losing quickly and detox myself, b) transition me back into healthful breakfast and lunch choices, c) re-teach me how to cook healthfully at home.

Come January 1st all the garbage will be thrown out of my office, and all the additional junk should be eaten by then. I've pretty much gone through the crap in my house already, so it's pretty safe there. Did I tell you people I ate a tub of Philly cinnamon/brown sugar swirled cream cheese and 4 bagels in 3 days flat? I think that's a record.

Steve's gotta eat his carmel popcorn that my parents gave him, all the chocolates are gone. Really the only thing edible that was given to me this weekend was a $100 gift certificate to John Dominis, which is divine. Perhaps I will save that as a goal/good job dinner for Steve and I.

I'm meeting up with a girlfriend from highschool after work today for some beers and probably pupus at Chilis. January 15th is Steve and my 4 year "anniversary", from there we're safe until Valentine's Day, and then I think it's smooth sailing until my Birthday in June.

I'm feeling pretty confident. I'm a little worried that I'm gonna have some wicked withdrawls and cravings with the way I've been eating, but I also think my body is really tired of this and is probably ready to get back to a healthy lifestyle.
Written by Amanda
5 comments hit the beach!

Monday, December 19, 2005
Sibling rivalry
What's up with that anyways? I'm an only child, so the closest thing I had to sibling rivalry was my cousin Brandy who I grew up with for the most part. She moved to Las Vegas when we were just shy of highschool.

I don't really have memories of being jealous of her (I'm sure if I think real hard I can come up with something), for the most part I remember relishing anything that I was "better" than her at, and she did the same to me. I was a better golfer (then I lost interest and she gained it, surpassing me), I remember being glad I didn't have braces and glasses (oy! glasses!......luckily no braces though). It was lots of little things like that. We were always on a mostly even playing field growing up.

When she moved away, we lost touch. Maybe the only real reason we were close is that we were related to eachother. There was some kind of ill will between our families when they left (hubub between my dad and his sister, and then all the siblings were kind of in a tiff because my parents bought their childhood home). I remember Brandy used to complain that Tutu (grandma) liked me best. Unfortunately, that was probably true, a) because I was her first grandchild, and b) simply because I spent way more time with her. Her parents kind of distanced themselves from the family whenever possible.

Have you ever seen "Home for the Holidays" with Holly Hunt? Her family was kind of like the family that dressed up and wanted everything perfect, then left with their panties in a bunch because everyone else acted exactly like everyone else always acted!

Anywho, I digress.

I took some kind of sick satisfaction when I heard she was fat. And I mean really fat. To hear my Tutu and uncle talk about it, the girl could barely fit through the door. I am so going to Hell, I'm certain now. It was one more thing that I was "better" because I wasn't that fat. Then she got gastric bypass surgery. I was astounded. I was really shocked that she was ever that fat.

Then she (and her younger brother) both got engaged (not to eachother you sickos). Dammit. Now she was one up. How the hell did I ever become so twistedly evil? I've been with Steve just shy of 4 years, and nada. Apparently she met her fiancee after she lost the weight, so she must have only been dating him for less than a year. Why the hell does this make me jealous, can someone please let me know if I need to seek professional help or if deep down everyone thinks like this, just never really admits to it.

So I sent her and her brother both cards congratulating them on their respective engagements (which no one ever sent me an announcement for, only knew about it from Tutu). Once again, I took some horrible satisfaction in my having much better manners because neither of them acknowledged my cards with a call or thank you note!

Then what do I get in the mail today? A Christmas card from Brandy, thanking me for sending her a card. Mouth, meet foot, foot, mouth. Oh yeah, she also sent a photo. She's so damn thin and gorgeous!

Could this be my much needed motivation? As I took a bath and thought about it all, I decided to have a beer, bake the cookies I bought today and take them all to work and get down to business. I can't let Brandy "beat" me!!

Yes people, I know that I am sick, twisted, and utterly evil without any hope. But maybe this evil little girl can finally have something to focus on to reach that final goal.

Keep your eye on the prize:


I'm sick, I know. If you know of any good mental health professionals in my area, feel free to email me.
Written by Amanda
9 comments hit the beach!

Well, here I am thinking I'll be good today. Medifast. But I had to have one of the white chocolate/macadamia nut cookies Keala made this morning. Just one. Not my favorite. I did well the rest of the day, then the guys came back from lunch and tossed 2 tacos on my desk in front of me. Dammit, that I couldn't resist.

Perhaps I can get away with counting that as my meal today and not do dinner tonight, or just a large salad? Do you think this is salvagable?
Written by Amanda
3 comments hit the beach!

Sunday, December 18, 2005
13 days
I am so close to breaking point now. I am mortified. Disgusted. Furious. With myself. Geez, I've managed to gain about 10 lbs. since my lowest weight. I am horrified that I'm around 155 again. I truly thought I'd never see that number again.

After our department Christmas luncheon on Thursday (which I ate SO much I actually thought I was going to throw up on the way home) I decided that this was really the last "official" holiday meal thingy I had this year that it would be safe to start up with the diet again. So Friday I was the Medifast queen. I had a nonstop day from 10 am to 2 pm at work. I mean my cell phone would not stop buzzing on my hip, and the appointments kept coming one right after the other. I had to crunch it all together so I could bail early to take Steve to Matson to pick up his truck (yay!) by 3:30 pm that day. Keala offered to pick me up McDonalds for lunch (which I refused after a little hesitation). I managed to do my shakes only, although I was a bit woozy, which I'm sure was a combination of a) no junk food, b) not enough water due to the business of my day, and c) downright exhaustion.

We had to sit around Matson for just under an hour and a half. By the time he got his truck, I was literally starving to death. We drove (in rush hour) about another 30 mins or so deciding what to do (I had suggested staying in town and watching a movie until the traffic died down, but we eventually just hit a drive through and drove home). By the time we got to Jack in the Box I was ravenous, and no stupid southwest pita was gonna do it. I snarfed down a spicy chicken sandwich, a small bag of curly fries dipped in buttermilk and a diet coke (diet!). I had hoped that all in all that wouldn't have done that much damage, but I was wrong.

I'm starting to worry a bit that I won't be able to kick back into gear come New Year.

I am just stressing out about everything and now the fact that I look like a rhinocerous doesn't help. I looked in the mirror after getting out of the shower tonight, and I honestly think I look just as bad as I did the day I weighed 175. Someone shoot me, please. Right in the head.

One of my commentors made a suggestion to hold to the diet every other day. That sounds so easy, doesn't it? I wonder if it'll end up being counter-productive in my current frame of mind however. Oh well. I think I shall give it a go. I've at least go to MAINTAIN. I mean, c'mon people, I hardly call 155 maintaining over the holidays. I suck.
Written by Amanda
0 comments hit the beach!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Ok ok guys, I'm here, just haven't wanted to post, because to post is to admit to the world the insanity of my eating habits.

Holidays are hell, man.

152 baybee. Blech. I honestly don't understand what it is about the month of December that seems to give me license to gobble up everything I wouldn't dare to touch in, oh let's say, July.

I'm not even going to begin to tell you people what I've eaten.

And I've been sickly happy with myself for "only" gaining about 4 lbs. But if I really look back, I remember I was 146/147, so in reality I've really gained about 6 lbs. Ack!

I know it's strange to say, but I really really can't wait for these damn holidays to be over with so I can go back to normal and lose the rest of this weight!! How crazy is that? Do you realize that when most people go on "diets" they simply can't wait until they can have an excuse to go off it and cheat. And here I sit, in jeans that are too tight waiting for the moment I have an excuse to go back on my diet. *sigh* It's a mad mad world we live in.

I just know that at the stroke of midnight on December 31st something in my brain will click and say "Oh yay, I can go back to my diet and lose this weight now, it's my resolution!" Until then, I know it's a no-go. I'm not even putting up a fight.

On another note, I've got a WHOLE unopened box of NS sitting in a closet. I thought I might go back to eating it after the holidays, but the more I think about it, the less it really appeals to me. Plus, I've already got practically a box's worth in my pantry (which I will have to clean out in a matter of weeks for my new kitchen cabinets!). I'm debating seeing if anyone wants to buy the whole shebang from me or if I should break the puppy up and sell the contents. What say you?
Written by Amanda
15 comments hit the beach!

Friday, December 02, 2005
Don't let the wagon wheel hit your ass on the way down
Ok, so the post below lasted all of one day. How sad is that?

Steve and I polished of a tube worth of chocolate chip cookies in 2 days, I got cream cheese cinnamon rolls from Safeway, fastfood in between. I mean I was just all over the place this week. So alas, I am 150.4, and I deserve every pound of it. :(

Tomorrow is the company party, next week is our department's luncheon, and so on and so forth. Man the holidays suck ass.

So, back to just trying to maintain. I now understand that I am helpless to resist all that is placed before me and all I can do is try not to go nutty with it and maintain through the rest of the season.

I'm confident (although I've tried and failed several times already) that I'll be able to get back on track with the New Year, just as everyone else will be doing the same, and with the New Year comes a sense of new beginnings and starting over. That should give me the support I need, but for now, I will yield to temptation, and only try not to drown in it.
Written by Amanda
10 comments hit the beach!

Name: Amanda
Location: Hawaii

I'm a 26 year old local haole who was born and raised in Hawaii. I have been in a serious relationship for 4+ years, I own my own home, and I am the proud mother of 2 dogs and a cat.

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Start Weight: 179.6
Current Weight: 179.6
Pounds Lost: 0

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