Thursday, November 16, 2006
I'm alive! Fat, but alive
Hey everybody, thanks for your concern. I'm still here on planet Earth, truckin' along as best I can.

I haven't managed to get myself going with my Herbalife, simply because I have allowed the stress of my job and life to get the better of my eating. I've also messed myself up with a few fad diets and I've finally come to my senses and realized that everytime I go off one I end up weight just a little more each time.

My most recent weight was 179.6 and I was mortified.

I've been doing a lot of stress-related binge eating and drinking and then trying to "fix" it all with a stupid fad.

I was getting dressed this morning and reminded myself how well (ok, there was struggle and difficulty) I did with NS. It was just healthy eating. Why can't I seem to do that on my own? I act like every cookie will be my very last, so I must devour it and reach for another when no one is looking....what is that all about?

So I'm trying to work on just builiding better eating habits. We have been living off of too much fast food and just general crap.

I'm going to have cereal or toast and fruit for breakfast (no more McDonalds or spam musubi), and either bring frozen entrees or try to get myself to Subway for lunch. Dinner has always been my rough time, cracking open a few beers and snorfling whatever yummies I bought to soothe my psyche. I'll probably never give up the beer, I'll admit it, it makes me feel better, but I will work on eating decent meals. Either frozen entrees, something home cooked(not necessarily health food, just not fast food), or if it comes to it, a bowl or two of cereal.

I know I've gotta get back into the exercise, and I remember feeling really good when I was out walking and jogging. I've been home so late and exhausted so often. It's been raining. It's muggy. It's been too hot. It's been too dark. I have managed to excuse myself out of doing it for months.

What really hit me was that this is the first time I've ever felt really uncomfortable in my own skin. And I'm not talking about appearance or anything, I mean when I sit my gut feels like it's in my way. When I walk I have to take breaths. I shift on my couch because my inards feel like they are getting squished. I sweat tons. I have to baby powder my undies or they're soggy by day end. Sweat drips down the back of my knees when I'm curled on the couch. I have no idea how much of that has to do with the actual weather, but I'm associating it with the 30 lbs I've put on in a year. That's bad.

I will try to start posting again. I've got to get myself back into a mental state of trying to lose weight again, and I know you guys can help.
Written by Amanda
5 comments hit the beach!

Name: Amanda
Location: Hawaii

I'm a 26 year old local haole who was born and raised in Hawaii. I have been in a serious relationship for 4+ years, I own my own home, and I am the proud mother of 2 dogs and a cat.

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Start Weight: 179.6
Current Weight: 179.6
Pounds Lost: 0

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