Thursday, June 29, 2006
Oh my god! How'd I get so fat?
I'm a big fat cow! 169. Can you believe it? I've eaten myself silly until I'm just 3 lbs shy of my NS start weight!


Oh well, slow and steady. I keep trying to talk myself into doing a quick gimmicky diet (Medifast) to lose it quickly, but I know I have to do it slowly and surely. Even though it sure feels it, I know I didn't gain all this weight back in a month.

Unfortunately Steve had his brother over last night and I hadn't cleaned or gone grocery shopping so I had 3 slices of pizza for dinner. I took the dogs out for a walk/jog afterwards, but only got in 30 mins of a walk because they were being naughty. I did do some curls on my total gym, the office is so cluttered right now it's difficult to use it, I've gotta straighten up in there.

Today I had a 7-11 coffee, nutrigrain bar, fruit cup, smartfood white cheddar popcorn so far. I've got a Healthy Choice frozen dinner thingy in the fridge, I'll eat that for lunch. I'm gonna stop at the grocery store for some good eats too.

I was 168.8 this morning, so it's at least going back down again.

I know how to do it, I just have to make myself do it.

Funny, I'm not wiggin out about 169 like I would have been. I just know it sucks, but it wasn't any kind of surprise. I know the right choices, and I'm going to make them. And I also know that there are going to be lots of times in between when I don't make the right choices, but that's all a part of life, and I know as long as I continue down and maintaining otherwise, I'll be good.

Hmmm, does this new wisdom come with age?

Thanks for all the birthday wishes!
Written by Amanda
13 comments hit the beach!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Diet schmiet
Ok ok, hey, it's my BERFDAY today! Yaaaaay!

I'm 26, over da hill?

I stuffed myself sick on Saturday, my parents took me out to dinner. I think I'm going out again tonight with Steve.

I'm just focusing on eating healthy. I was actually a little surprised when I hopped on the scale a few days ago to see it had gradually gone back down to 164.8. Not much, but at least it was in the right direction!

I went for a long walk/jog with the puppies last night, felt good. It was the first time in a while. I've just been so burned out, but it was nice to get my body moving again!

I can't make any promises for tonight, but I am doing slowly but surely in the meantime.
Written by Amanda
8 comments hit the beach!

Thursday, June 15, 2006
Up one
Ok, I'm up a pound this week. I consider this pretty darn good considering my Saturday up all night and my sick food. I'm feeling better, so hopefully I can get back on track with my jogging tomorrow.
Written by Amanda
7 comments hit the beach!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006
I'm home SICK! Dammit! I'm pretty certain I didn't manage to lose anything this week. I know the first couple of days I did really great and I peeked *eep* the scale read 163.4, so I know I was a good girl, but then I had to deal with being up all night on Saturday for the Relay for Life which I'm sure precipitated me getting sick now.

I felt the sick coming on all week, so I basically didn't watch what I ate. I had KFC's chicken pot pie for dinner last night (an absolute must when you're getting sick) and today I just ate a bunch of cereal and a bowl of clam chowder and bread.

Oh well, it's one of life's setbacks. I'm just sick at how tight all my clothes are, it's really bugging me. It's sad too that I'm too run down to workout.

*sigh* This shall pass, and I will start again. It's not failure, merely life.
Written by Amanda
5 comments hit the beach!

Monday, June 12, 2006
Still tired
Wow, look at all those typos below! I must have been exhausted!

I didn't check the scale this morning, will wait for my body to burn off Saturday's eating.

As for Sunday, I ate more than I should have, but everything I ate was "good" things (Cheerios, turkey wrap, 100 cal packs, etc) so I don't think I over did it too much. I ate like half a box of Cheerios, haha.

I'm still exhausted, my eyes are all puffy and swollen, wishing I was still in bed today!

Had a Special K bar this morning, drinking a big ass coffee right now, and will pick up a fruit bowl in a little bit. I have only good intentions for today :)
Written by Amanda
2 comments hit the beach!

Sunday, June 11, 2006
Super Pooped
It's a quarter to 4 pm on Sunday now, I've been napping off and on today, feel like ass. Saturday was the Relay for Life, and as team captain, I was there and awake from 7 pm (actually earlier since I set up) and didn't leave until 7 am this morning. Sucks.

I also and a little worried about the scale. I can't even begin to tell you how impossible it is to NOT eat when you are litteraly up all night. I know I overdid it, I tried to be carefull, but it's very hard when you don't have too many good options.

I was also pretty much too tired to make it a decent kind of workout. Oh well :)

As for my date night, that didn't happen, Steve got sick. I think its a combination of staying up too late, not eating right, and inhaling lots of dust and chemicals. So it actually turned out to be a good thing, since that means I didn't get a chance to "blow it" 2 nights in a row.

I'm concerned about today thouhg as well, since I've been sleeping, waking up hungry, eating (so far only Cheerios), and sleeping some more.

I think I'll make myself a turkey wrap. Hopefully the proteing will satiate me until dinner.

Oh yeah, I totally forgot what I ate on Friday, but I stayed with the healthy stuff mostly, so I'm not too worried.

Talk to you tomorrow!
Written by Amanda
3 comments hit the beach!

Thursday, June 08, 2006
Stupid Blogger! I've been waiting to post all day! I couldn't even update my stats.

So here's how my day went:

Weighed in at 165.

1 packet of Quaker Maple Brown Sugar oatmeal
Orange juice
fruit cup
diet Arizona green tea (yuck.....regular is way better)

Subway 6" on italian tuscan chicken sandwich w/provolone
raspberry iced tea
bag of baked lays

100 calorie pack of teddy grahams

spaghetti (approx 1 cup) w/half a sausage
4 pieces of safeway baguette (little skinny thing) dipped in leftover olive oil from jar of artichoke hearts (yum!)
artichoke w/lowfat mayo and smart balance (not very good) and sometimes in the above artichoke heart sauce

sliced strawberries in yoplait light vanilla yogurt

sweet dreams tea

Unfortunately I didn't get a jog in today. I had a dentist appointment at 5, then I went grocery shopping and came home and made dinner for Steven. He was at the boat all day and night yesterday, didn't sleep he was trying to get as much done before the survey (kind of like an appraisal/safety check). He'd been working so hard all week and he had actually told me he missed home cooked meals since he'd been having to eat fast food so much.

Hope everyone else's day went well. I might actually get a date night tomorrow night! I haven't had one of those in ages. I will try to make healthy choices, but going out is very hard for me to get past the "special occasion eat anything you like" mentality. I'll report back how I did.
Written by Amanda
2 comments hit the beach!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006
I've been lying to myself
I've been lying to myself. I've been in a state of denial.

Tonight I let curiosity get to me and stepped on the scale. The number 167 glared back at me and I plopped to the ground in tears. I have eaten myself back up to just shy of my NS starting weight of 172.

I'd like to say, "How did this happen?!", but honestly, I know exactly how this happened. I ate. And I ate. And I gave myself every excuse and reason why I should be allowed to eat.

When Steven came home I was flying high at 147, hoping to see that number creep down some more. In all honesty, I don't think I believed that it would. I knew that I would revert back to my old ways.

I did. Slowly.

I did well for a while, hovering between 147 & 150ish. I hopped on the wagon, fell off, tried new things (Medifast).

I've been blaming it on the boat lately, but I think I was already about 155ish when we were really discussing that option. I've found everthing to blame it on but my own doing.

I tried to combat the scale as I watched it slowly creep up, but never saw any real victories.

Why did I let this happen to me? Did I just not care? Cuz let me tell you, I care a whole hell damn alot about 167.

I don't know how I managed to see around the added weight in the mirror.

Somehow I figured it was just 5 or so pounds making my clothes tighter, and I could see that I was lumpier in the mirror, but I never looked 5 lbs. shy of my original weight. How did my brain manage that?

True, I've just now started jogging, but I'm still eating garbage, almost like now that I'm jogging that #1 from Burger King wont hurt for breakfast.


I have no one to blame for this but myself. No one stuck this food down my gullet.

Even my blog has turned into a sea of denial with the removal of all my stats!

So, tonight I removed all my clothes and sat my fat ass in front of the bathroom mirror. How had I not noticed how wide I got, and how small my head looked by comparison? Was I blind to the fat?

I looked, I cried, I got mad, and I came to my senses.

I have the power. I can do anything I put my mind to. I have proof of it. I put my mind to it once and lost 23 lbs. When my mind pretended to look the other way, I gained almost all of it back. I don't give my mind the credit it deserves, and I've allowed it to bite me in the ass.

I was also perusing Ms. Amy's site earlier today looking at her photos, and Amy, I've gotta tell you, as a catty girl. I hate your guts because I'm so freaking jealous (I mean that in a totally loving way though). How did you manage to lose it so quickly and keep it off? My goodness, the determination!

I watched your jogging video as well. I can do that (well, not right now). The difference between Amy and Amanda is that Amy had the will and the drive and she stuck to her guns. Amanda hemmed and hawed and made exceptions here and there, and "oh that won't hurt" and "gee, I'll just eat a smaller dinner". I put in my mouth what I thought I wanted to eat because I craved it. I lived to eat, not eat to live.

I've still got a huge honkin box of NS & Medifast in my home.

I've made a personal vow to myself. Myself and no other. Tomorrow morning I will make an official weigh-in and repost it here. I will then start Medifast again (I really need to see some serious dropping at first). I will cook healthy. I will only put tasty and nutritious food into my mouth. I am not depriving myself by not putting junk in my mouth, because you can't actually call it deprivation when you've been gorging yourself on something for the past several months.

When I can't do Medifast I will eat my NS foods. When I can do neither, I will eat right. I will jog. It makes me feel good about myself. I'm a smart enough girl. I know the difference between a chicken salad with light dressing and a Whopper Jr.

The pounds will fall off. I don't care what the end number result will be, as long as I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.

I know I've rededicated myself about a gajillion times on this blog. But I mean it.

It will be hard. I know. I've got an all-night American Cancer Society Relay for Life this Saturday that I'm going to have to stay up all night for as the team captain. How can one not eat when you're up all night?

I'll have my triumphs and my pitfalls, and I know that those of you who are still around in blogland will be there to cheer me on.

I'm going to do it. It's my body, my life.

Anyone care to join me?
Written by Amanda
6 comments hit the beach!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Disgusting, isnt it?
I'm disgusted that I'm turning into one of those demented people that actually receive pleasure from jogging. Someone shoot me.

I took the pups for a walk tonight (it was already getting dark) and since they were being brats I decided to pick up my pace with a jog (they're little chihuahuas, remember? short legs) so they don't get ahead of me - yes, I love the Dog Whisperer!

I wore them little babies out! I'm still not in great shape, but I can job the length of the park now, which I remember long ago I couldn't job from my parents home to the end of the strees (literally one house) without having to catch my breath at the intersection.

I haven't weighed myself, nor do I intend to for a while. I already know my weight is over what I want it to be, so my focus right now is to be more healthy.

Ok, all you all have got to start posting now too. I keep going to your blogs and thay haven't changed!

Get on it people! Don't make me come out there!
Written by Amanda
2 comments hit the beach!

Monday, June 05, 2006
Obey the Polaris Gods
Did my short Polaris jogg/walk today. 38 minutes of keeping my heartrate where the Polaris gods tell me to. Feel really good! Amazing how the first day or two you feel like ass and wonder what the hell anyone could possibly see in this jogging crap, but once you push past the hell part it feels damn good.

I'm also discovering new and interesting things about my neighborhood (lived here 3 years) that I've never discovered before.

Of course I'm enjoying myself a margarita right now, in desperate need of a shower. So I shall go before you all can start to smell me over the World Wide Web.

Hopefully I can keep up with my blogging a little better. This, like jogging, makes me feel good :)

Miss you all, hope you all start coming back once you see I'm alive again.
Written by Amanda
4 comments hit the beach!

Sunday, June 04, 2006
To Thinfinity...and Beyond!
I have just been working on our darn boat so much that I've also been eating total crap and fast food.

I've basically eaten my way back up to the 160's and I feel like crap about that.

I bought a heart rate monitor and started jogging the other week, which I was really enjoying, but like I said, I'm just absolutely burned out!

I skipped jogging last week, but I'll definitely get back into the swing this week. It feels great and it makes me feel like at leat I'm attempting to do something to counteract my prior bad acts.

Sorry I haven't been posting, it's really like I've got 2 fulltime jobs right now.

Sad sad sad fat fat me!

I'm supposed to be the hot babe on the boat in the bikini!!!
Written by Amanda
2 comments hit the beach!

Name: Amanda
Location: Hawaii

I'm a 26 year old local haole who was born and raised in Hawaii. I have been in a serious relationship for 4+ years, I own my own home, and I am the proud mother of 2 dogs and a cat.

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Start Weight: 179.6
Current Weight: 179.6
Pounds Lost: 0

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