To Thinfinity...and Beyond!

Amy has again inspired me

2006-12-14T10:23:00.000-10:00

I was looking at some of my blog links again today and Amy has updated hers a whole bunch! I have to say that I am once again inspired by her. Especially since now I closely resemble her "before" photos. Heck, I think we even kind of look alike.

It's funny, but I've always had a kind of "reverse" body dysmorphic disorder where I think I look better than I really do. Like Anorexics see their skin and bones and think they look fat, I see my lumps and fat rolls and think I don't look so bad, heck, I've been know to think I look damn good.

Unfortunately my weight has become so bad that I no longer have these sad delusions of grandeur.

Last I checked I was 181. I don't want to step on the scale again. I know that whatever number it is it is not good, and I can easily judge that by the way I look and feel and how my clothes fit.

I got my yoga booty ballet, watched it once, then haven't done it. I'm such an unmotivated slug.

But seeing Amy's "before" and "after" photos has inspired me. I look like that. She looked like that. She looks like this now. I can look like she does now.

I'm going to do it. Small lifestyle changes. I was so happy at 147, I thought I looked great. I can get there again. And this time if I press on a little further I can get to my ultimate goal of 130.

2006-12-08T16:13:00.000-10:00

Credit Card Theft Sucks a Big Fat One

2006-11-25T23:13:00.000-10:00

If I ever get a hold of the fucker who stole my credit card number online I will beat him/her into a bloody pulp. I have had that damn number for years with no problems, now I had to cancell it and I've got all these subscription and payment things that are contacting me because now they cant charge that number. What a big fucking waste of time.

Thank god for Bank of America's fraud department! They called me up to ask if I had charged (it was declined) a $1000 hotel room. And they tried to set up a website. And now I open my email to get something from Ebay telling me someone tried to set up a new account with my number.

I wish there were mean cops in hot pursuit who get all angry and beaty after finding that fucker. Whew. Oh well, at least that card is done with and I wasn't liable for anything. I'll be more carefull with my online spending now. I'll take advantage of the random number they generate for you for online purchases.

Ok, eating, I haven't been fantastic, what with Thanksgiving, but this is the first in a long line of Thanksgivings that I didn't feel like I was going to barf soon after eating.

I've been trying a new thing (no, I promise, it's not a fad diet, just something to aide) that I read about in the Shangri-La Diet. I thought it was a load of crap but it seems to really help me with my appetite.

I'm one of those "the very last bite is obvioiusly the BEST bite so I MUST eat it" people. What have I been doing you ask?

Taking a spoonful of canola oil in the morning. Yeck you say? It's reallly not quite as bad as you might think, so long as you rinse it down like I have with dieters green tea.

Anyway, when our grandparents were kids they drank cod liver oil and stuff all the time, so it's not that far fetched.

The theory is that your body is getting extra calories it desires, but it's not attaching any flavor to it so it doesn't crave a flavor in association with calories. It really has helped to kill some cravings and appetite. It's very noticeably to me the first half of the week when I was taking it to now when I haven't been.

I'll keep it up and see how it fares. I've got a YogaBootyBallet in the mail on its way to me, and I've been doing cereal for breakfast and lunch. Working on getting healthy again, basically avoiding the scale because lack of speed is my worst de-motivator. So long as I get there, who cares how long it takes?

I'm alive! Fat, but alive

2006-11-16T16:01:00.000-10:00

Hey everybody, thanks for your concern. I'm still here on planet Earth, truckin' along as best I can.

I haven't managed to get myself going with my Herbalife, simply because I have allowed the stress of my job and life to get the better of my eating. I've also messed myself up with a few fad diets and I've finally come to my senses and realized that everytime I go off one I end up weight just a little more each time.

My most recent weight was 179.6 and I was mortified.

I've been doing a lot of stress-related binge eating and drinking and then trying to "fix" it all with a stupid fad.

I was getting dressed this morning and reminded myself how well (ok, there was struggle and difficulty) I did with NS. It was just healthy eating. Why can't I seem to do that on my own? I act like every cookie will be my very last, so I must devour it and reach for another when no one is looking....what is that all about?

So I'm trying to work on just builiding better eating habits. We have been living off of too much fast food and just general crap.

I'm going to have cereal or toast and fruit for breakfast (no more McDonalds or spam musubi), and either bring frozen entrees or try to get myself to Subway for lunch. Dinner has always been my rough time, cracking open a few beers and snorfling whatever yummies I bought to soothe my psyche. I'll probably never give up the beer, I'll admit it, it makes me feel better, but I will work on eating decent meals. Either frozen entrees, something home cooked(not necessarily health food, just not fast food), or if it comes to it, a bowl or two of cereal.

I know I've gotta get back into the exercise, and I remember feeling really good when I was out walking and jogging. I've been home so late and exhausted so often. It's been raining. It's muggy. It's been too hot. It's been too dark. I have managed to excuse myself out of doing it for months.

What really hit me was that this is the first time I've ever felt really uncomfortable in my own skin. And I'm not talking about appearance or anything, I mean when I sit my gut feels like it's in my way. When I walk I have to take breaths. I shift on my couch because my inards feel like they are getting squished. I sweat tons. I have to baby powder my undies or they're soggy by day end. Sweat drips down the back of my knees when I'm curled on the couch. I have no idea how much of that has to do with the actual weather, but I'm associating it with the 30 lbs I've put on in a year. That's bad.

I will try to start posting again. I've got to get myself back into a mental state of trying to lose weight again, and I know you guys can help.

Bust

2006-09-20T13:47:00.000-10:00

Ok, last week was a bust I'm sorry to say. Up 1.6 lbs. My fault completely. I call September hell month, and this week is hell week.

Did I mention I hate my job?

Well, after spending the week eating as much garbage as I desired by simply stating these magic words: "I'm so stressed I have to eat/drink" I've sabotaged myself.

After my Sunday weigh-in I had a sit down with myself.

1) Why am I stressed?
Because I hate my job, it's a very stressfull position and I am broke with bills up to my gills.

2) So how is sabotaging your goals on Herbalife helping you?
It doesn't! Dammit, I hate it when I'm right. By sabotaging myself by allowing the cheating I'm cheating myself out of success. I'm cheating myself out of weightloss. I'm cheating myself out of more money to deal with the bills. I'm cheating myself out of the ability to make enough money with Herbalife to GET OUT of a job I despise!!!

3) So, does that make you feel better? Was last week worth it?
HELL NO!

I've been excellent since Monday and a peek on the scale has shown me how abundantly I get rewarded by allowing Herbalife to work it's magic! I was down to 169.6 yesterday morning. I've got a whole week of good things in front of me.

Yes, it's still officially hell week at work, but now I know that by standing firm this will be my LAST hell week!

--ok, I had 2 1/2 brownie bites, a half a homemade scone and 1/4 a blueberry muffin today. Good the rest of the way!

Week 2

2006-09-10T15:48:00.000-10:00

Down another 1.4 lbs to make a total of 6 lbs lost in 2 weeks time. Also a total of 10.5 inches gone! Great job, considering I've had the hardest time losing more that 1 lb a week in the last few months, and my period is due at any moment.

I can't wait to see what next week brings!

I need to get outta here!

2006-09-08T17:01:00.000-10:00

I can't wait to get the hell out of this place. It's turned me into a total bitch and I can't stand it. Argh!

That's ok, my goal is to skedaddle at the New Year after our 4th quarter bonuses come out. It's just so ridiculously redundant out here. We do the same last minute struggle and crunches for numbers, always moan and goan about how this is awful and we've gotta find a better way, and always do it all over again!

Well, my goal is for Herbalife to get me the hell outta here! By the way, thanks to those who have visited my site and requested sample packs from me. I appreciate the support and I really do think you're going to love the products.

I am completely and utterly broken out right now. I think it's a combination of the intense stress I'm under and also a "purge" of all the garbage in my system. This is really the only time in my life that I have been 100% consistent with taking vitamins and supplents. That in of itself is something awesome that Herbalife has done for me. Even thought I look like a big greasy crap monster I feel great! LOL

What is Herbalife?

2006-09-04T21:40:00.000-10:00

This is in response to the anonymous comment in my last post. He/she asked me what Herbalife was.

The simple answer: it's a shake and supplements you replace 2 meals with a day, and have one "colorful" meal a day.

The better answer: it's complete nutrition that our bodies are lacking.

I've done lots of "shake" diets, and I can honestly say that Herbalife is quite deceiving as a "shake". Most shakes you're just trying to stay full on fiber and protein to make it through the day without eating, here's my Herbalife day:

Breakfast:
1 chocolate shake w/ 8 oz skim milk
apple
1 multivitamin
2 total controls (this helps control appetite and burns fat like crazy)
2 cell-u-loss ("liposuction in a bottle" this helps smooth out my lumpies)
2 cell activators (helps your body to absorb everything you need)

Lunch:
This is my "colorful" meal of the day. I enjoy Smart Choice microwave dinners, and I especially enjoy going to Wendy's for a caesar side salad, small chili, baked potato and diet coke. This carries me through my dreaded 3 pm munchies which I have experienced WITH EVERY DIET.
Along with the meal I take the above tablet cocktail.

Snack:
I enjoy the Herbal Concentrate tea which gives me a boost to my metabolism. It's jokingly refered to "20 minutes of cardio in a bottle".

We also have a new product called Lift Off. This is out new energy drink that has 0 calories and helps to give you an energy boost as well as clarity of mind with guarana, ginkgo biloba, ginseng, L-taurine, caffeine and vitamins C, B6 & B12. This stuff is fantastic and is an easy effervescent tab you drop into a glass of water. I love taking this stuff before I meet with a new buyer for their home orientation tour, it helps to get me going.

Dinner:
I enjoy another shake and tablet cocktail.

There are snack bars that I can enjoy if I'm desperate for something sweet which are better than a lot that I've tried throughout the years.

Like I've said before, I've done a lot of "shake" diets, but none have left me feeling as good as Herbalife has. I don't feel run down or crabby, I actually feel better than when I started.

FYI, Herbalife isn't only "diet stuff", it also has targeted nutrition for heart health, joint support, occular defense, children's vitamins, etc. Haircare and skincare, as well as fragrances. Like I've said, I've only just begun and have not yet had the opportunity to try everything, but what I have tried, I haven't been disappointed!

If you're interested in browsing the whole product line or would like more information on anything, please visit me at asThinMall.com. If you're interested in a free sample please go to asThin.com and enter your information and I'll mail you some great samples to try at home.

1st week down!

2006-09-03T10:21:00.000-10:00

Yay! 4.6 lbs and 8 inches lost! Good for me.

I really really hate that I've allowed myself to get fat again. Finding clothes to wear upsets me more than anything, because all the new "skinny" clothes I bought when I was around 150 are all snug and hideous on me. That's really upsetting, because in my mind's eye I can still see myself attractive in them, but then I put them on and see myself in the mirror and it's so incomprehensible to me why it looks so awful!

Oh well, I'm on the right track again, so I'm going to lose it all over again. Sadly it really does get harder and harder the more times you do it. It's not very motivating to get down to 171.8, even though I know in reality that's almost a 5 lbs loss, I still see 171.8 and know it's still fat, you know? It's like I won't be satisfied again until I see a number I haven't seen in a little while....like 165 or something. I've seen 175-168 a bajillion times in the last couple of months, and I'm ready to see something new!

Herbalife is great, not feeling deprived, everything is really tasty and I feel better. I'm off to a cheat day for a BBQ at Mom's house. I'll try to keep myself under control :)

Happy Labor Day Weekend!

Hey Everybody

2006-09-01T08:58:00.000-10:00

Ok ok, I'm alive. And nice and fat! LOL.

My god the last several months have been extremely stressful, and I'm still living under tons of it.

I just got sent to our corporate ranch in Texas last week as a bit of R&R and fun for some people in my department (nationally). I managed to come home weighing 176 eek! A new high for me.

But all is not lost. I have begun Herbalife. Yes yes, I know, I know. But I'm not only using Herbalife, I'm selling it. Making extra money has become a huge priority to me now, as the boat is not yet making a profit (it was out of commission for a week in need of a part) mostly because we have to spend some time playing catch up on the bills. I also really can't bear my job much longer. I was in a state of meltdown just prior to getting to go to Texas, so it's a very very good thing I was able to go to that, as it helped to refresh me.

People I work with are dropping like flies. No one wants to be in this place anymore, it's gotten too stressful, to the point where you can actually feel yourself losing years on your life. Gaining weight, constantly sick, stressed, grouchy, etc.

So I started Herbalife a few weeks ago (stupidly before my trip where I knew there'd be TONS of booze and food). I lost a bit, yay, but I gained 7 lbs on a 3 day trip. Is that insane?

Making money is a huge motivator for diet success as well! Everytime you want to reach for something naughty, I can remember that my own diet success will be my walking billboard! So I've lost 4 lbs since Sunday, my new official weigh in day is Sunday.

For those coming here looking for Nutrisystem info, please, don't get me wrong, NS is fantastic! It is healthy and real. It teaches you how to really eat properly (something I know I didn't follow) and it could have easily worked for me if I had bothered to work IT. So please give it a try if you are curious. I did lose 23 lbs and kept it off for a little while. Unfortunately I used my life as an excuse to eat improperly.

I'll try to keep up here with my Herbalife success. I feel great, healthy. If any of you are interested in either using Herbalife products (they have more than just weightloss stuff) or even selling it, I'm here to help.

If you'd like a free sample, got to my website at asThin.com. If you'd like to purchase Herbalife products you can go to asThinMall.com. If you are interested specifically in Herbalife (using or selling) please email me at thinandrich@gmail.com. My amanda.strauser@gmail.com email is still there and I use it, I just need to keep things separated to help me out :)

Oh my god! How'd I get so fat?

2006-06-29T10:48:00.000-10:00

I'm a big fat cow! 169. Can you believe it? I've eaten myself silly until I'm just 3 lbs shy of my NS start weight!

Terrible!

Oh well, slow and steady. I keep trying to talk myself into doing a quick gimmicky diet (Medifast) to lose it quickly, but I know I have to do it slowly and surely. Even though it sure feels it, I know I didn't gain all this weight back in a month.

Unfortunately Steve had his brother over last night and I hadn't cleaned or gone grocery shopping so I had 3 slices of pizza for dinner. I took the dogs out for a walk/jog afterwards, but only got in 30 mins of a walk because they were being naughty. I did do some curls on my total gym, the office is so cluttered right now it's difficult to use it, I've gotta straighten up in there.

Today I had a 7-11 coffee, nutrigrain bar, fruit cup, smartfood white cheddar popcorn so far. I've got a Healthy Choice frozen dinner thingy in the fridge, I'll eat that for lunch. I'm gonna stop at the grocery store for some good eats too.

I was 168.8 this morning, so it's at least going back down again.

I know how to do it, I just have to make myself do it.

Funny, I'm not wiggin out about 169 like I would have been. I just know it sucks, but it wasn't any kind of surprise. I know the right choices, and I'm going to make them. And I also know that there are going to be lots of times in between when I don't make the right choices, but that's all a part of life, and I know as long as I continue down and maintaining otherwise, I'll be good.

Hmmm, does this new wisdom come with age?

Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

Diet schmiet

2006-06-27T11:45:00.000-10:00

Ok ok, hey, it's my BERFDAY today! Yaaaaay!

I'm 26, over da hill?

I stuffed myself sick on Saturday, my parents took me out to dinner. I think I'm going out again tonight with Steve.

I'm just focusing on eating healthy. I was actually a little surprised when I hopped on the scale a few days ago to see it had gradually gone back down to 164.8. Not much, but at least it was in the right direction!

I went for a long walk/jog with the puppies last night, felt good. It was the first time in a while. I've just been so burned out, but it was nice to get my body moving again!

I can't make any promises for tonight, but I am doing slowly but surely in the meantime.

Up one

2006-06-15T13:07:00.000-10:00

Ok, I'm up a pound this week. I consider this pretty darn good considering my Saturday up all night and my sick food. I'm feeling better, so hopefully I can get back on track with my jogging tomorrow.

I'm SICK!

2006-06-14T15:51:00.000-10:00

I'm home SICK! Dammit! I'm pretty certain I didn't manage to lose anything this week. I know the first couple of days I did really great and I peeked *eep* the scale read 163.4, so I know I was a good girl, but then I had to deal with being up all night on Saturday for the Relay for Life which I'm sure precipitated me getting sick now.

I felt the sick coming on all week, so I basically didn't watch what I ate. I had KFC's chicken pot pie for dinner last night (an absolute must when you're getting sick) and today I just ate a bunch of cereal and a bowl of clam chowder and bread.

Oh well, it's one of life's setbacks. I'm just sick at how tight all my clothes are, it's really bugging me. It's sad too that I'm too run down to workout.

*sigh* This shall pass, and I will start again. It's not failure, merely life.

Still tired

2006-06-12T07:53:00.000-10:00

Wow, look at all those typos below! I must have been exhausted!

I didn't check the scale this morning, will wait for my body to burn off Saturday's eating.

As for Sunday, I ate more than I should have, but everything I ate was "good" things (Cheerios, turkey wrap, 100 cal packs, etc) so I don't think I over did it too much. I ate like half a box of Cheerios, haha.

I'm still exhausted, my eyes are all puffy and swollen, wishing I was still in bed today!

Had a Special K bar this morning, drinking a big ass coffee right now, and will pick up a fruit bowl in a little bit. I have only good intentions for today :)

Super Pooped

2006-06-11T16:00:00.000-10:00

It's a quarter to 4 pm on Sunday now, I've been napping off and on today, feel like ass. Saturday was the Relay for Life, and as team captain, I was there and awake from 7 pm (actually earlier since I set up) and didn't leave until 7 am this morning. Sucks.

I also and a little worried about the scale. I can't even begin to tell you how impossible it is to NOT eat when you are litteraly up all night. I know I overdid it, I tried to be carefull, but it's very hard when you don't have too many good options.

I was also pretty much too tired to make it a decent kind of workout. Oh well :)

As for my date night, that didn't happen, Steve got sick. I think its a combination of staying up too late, not eating right, and inhaling lots of dust and chemicals. So it actually turned out to be a good thing, since that means I didn't get a chance to "blow it" 2 nights in a row.

I'm concerned about today thouhg as well, since I've been sleeping, waking up hungry, eating (so far only Cheerios), and sleeping some more.

I think I'll make myself a turkey wrap. Hopefully the proteing will satiate me until dinner.

Oh yeah, I totally forgot what I ate on Friday, but I stayed with the healthy stuff mostly, so I'm not too worried.

Talk to you tomorrow!

Finally!

2006-06-08T21:48:00.000-10:00

Stupid Blogger! I've been waiting to post all day! I couldn't even update my stats.

So here's how my day went:

Weighed in at 165.

1 packet of Quaker Maple Brown Sugar oatmeal
Orange juice
fruit cup
diet Arizona green tea (yuck.....regular is way better)

Subway 6" on italian tuscan chicken sandwich w/provolone
raspberry iced tea
bag of baked lays

100 calorie pack of teddy grahams

spaghetti (approx 1 cup) w/half a sausage
4 pieces of safeway baguette (little skinny thing) dipped in leftover olive oil from jar of artichoke hearts (yum!)
artichoke w/lowfat mayo and smart balance (not very good) and sometimes in the above artichoke heart sauce

sliced strawberries in yoplait light vanilla yogurt

sweet dreams tea

Unfortunately I didn't get a jog in today. I had a dentist appointment at 5, then I went grocery shopping and came home and made dinner for Steven. He was at the boat all day and night yesterday, didn't sleep he was trying to get as much done before the survey (kind of like an appraisal/safety check). He'd been working so hard all week and he had actually told me he missed home cooked meals since he'd been having to eat fast food so much.

Hope everyone else's day went well. I might actually get a date night tomorrow night! I haven't had one of those in ages. I will try to make healthy choices, but going out is very hard for me to get past the "special occasion eat anything you like" mentality. I'll report back how I did.

I've been lying to myself

2006-06-07T20:39:00.000-10:00

I've been lying to myself. I've been in a state of denial.

Tonight I let curiosity get to me and stepped on the scale. The number 167 glared back at me and I plopped to the ground in tears. I have eaten myself back up to just shy of my NS starting weight of 172.

I'd like to say, "How did this happen?!", but honestly, I know exactly how this happened. I ate. And I ate. And I gave myself every excuse and reason why I should be allowed to eat.

When Steven came home I was flying high at 147, hoping to see that number creep down some more. In all honesty, I don't think I believed that it would. I knew that I would revert back to my old ways.

I did. Slowly.

I did well for a while, hovering between 147 & 150ish. I hopped on the wagon, fell off, tried new things (Medifast).

I've been blaming it on the boat lately, but I think I was already about 155ish when we were really discussing that option. I've found everthing to blame it on but my own doing.

I tried to combat the scale as I watched it slowly creep up, but never saw any real victories.

Why did I let this happen to me? Did I just not care? Cuz let me tell you, I care a whole hell damn alot about 167.

I don't know how I managed to see around the added weight in the mirror.

Somehow I figured it was just 5 or so pounds making my clothes tighter, and I could see that I was lumpier in the mirror, but I never looked 5 lbs. shy of my original weight. How did my brain manage that?

True, I've just now started jogging, but I'm still eating garbage, almost like now that I'm jogging that #1 from Burger King wont hurt for breakfast.

*sigh*

I have no one to blame for this but myself. No one stuck this food down my gullet.

Even my blog has turned into a sea of denial with the removal of all my stats!

So, tonight I removed all my clothes and sat my fat ass in front of the bathroom mirror. How had I not noticed how wide I got, and how small my head looked by comparison? Was I blind to the fat?

I looked, I cried, I got mad, and I came to my senses.

I have the power. I can do anything I put my mind to. I have proof of it. I put my mind to it once and lost 23 lbs. When my mind pretended to look the other way, I gained almost all of it back. I don't give my mind the credit it deserves, and I've allowed it to bite me in the ass.

I was also perusing Ms. Amy's site earlier today looking at her photos, and Amy, I've gotta tell you, as a catty girl. I hate your guts because I'm so freaking jealous (I mean that in a totally loving way though). How did you manage to lose it so quickly and keep it off? My goodness, the determination!

I watched your jogging video as well. I can do that (well, not right now). The difference between Amy and Amanda is that Amy had the will and the drive and she stuck to her guns. Amanda hemmed and hawed and made exceptions here and there, and "oh that won't hurt" and "gee, I'll just eat a smaller dinner". I put in my mouth what I thought I wanted to eat because I craved it. I lived to eat, not eat to live.

I've still got a huge honkin box of NS & Medifast in my home.

I've made a personal vow to myself. Myself and no other. Tomorrow morning I will make an official weigh-in and repost it here. I will then start Medifast again (I really need to see some serious dropping at first). I will cook healthy. I will only put tasty and nutritious food into my mouth. I am not depriving myself by not putting junk in my mouth, because you can't actually call it deprivation when you've been gorging yourself on something for the past several months.

When I can't do Medifast I will eat my NS foods. When I can do neither, I will eat right. I will jog. It makes me feel good about myself. I'm a smart enough girl. I know the difference between a chicken salad with light dressing and a Whopper Jr.

The pounds will fall off. I don't care what the end number result will be, as long as I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.

I know I've rededicated myself about a gajillion times on this blog. But I mean it.

It will be hard. I know. I've got an all-night American Cancer Society Relay for Life this Saturday that I'm going to have to stay up all night for as the team captain. How can one not eat when you're up all night?

I'll have my triumphs and my pitfalls, and I know that those of you who are still around in blogland will be there to cheer me on.

I'm going to do it. It's my body, my life.

Anyone care to join me?

Disgusting, isnt it?

2006-06-06T22:07:00.000-10:00

I'm disgusted that I'm turning into one of those demented people that actually receive pleasure from jogging. Someone shoot me.

I took the pups for a walk tonight (it was already getting dark) and since they were being brats I decided to pick up my pace with a jog (they're little chihuahuas, remember? short legs) so they don't get ahead of me - yes, I love the Dog Whisperer!

I wore them little babies out! I'm still not in great shape, but I can job the length of the park now, which I remember long ago I couldn't job from my parents home to the end of the strees (literally one house) without having to catch my breath at the intersection.

I haven't weighed myself, nor do I intend to for a while. I already know my weight is over what I want it to be, so my focus right now is to be more healthy.

Ok, all you all have got to start posting now too. I keep going to your blogs and thay haven't changed!

Get on it people! Don't make me come out there!

Obey the Polaris Gods

2006-06-05T21:20:00.000-10:00

Did my short Polaris jogg/walk today. 38 minutes of keeping my heartrate where the Polaris gods tell me to. Feel really good! Amazing how the first day or two you feel like ass and wonder what the hell anyone could possibly see in this jogging crap, but once you push past the hell part it feels damn good.

I'm also discovering new and interesting things about my neighborhood (lived here 3 years) that I've never discovered before.

Of course I'm enjoying myself a margarita right now, in desperate need of a shower. So I shall go before you all can start to smell me over the World Wide Web.

Hopefully I can keep up with my blogging a little better. This, like jogging, makes me feel good :)

Miss you all, hope you all start coming back once you see I'm alive again.

To Thinfinity...and Beyond!

2006-06-04T20:28:00.000-10:00

I have just been working on our darn boat so much that I've also been eating total crap and fast food.

I've basically eaten my way back up to the 160's and I feel like crap about that.

I bought a heart rate monitor and started jogging the other week, which I was really enjoying, but like I said, I'm just absolutely burned out!

I skipped jogging last week, but I'll definitely get back into the swing this week. It feels great and it makes me feel like at leat I'm attempting to do something to counteract my prior bad acts.

Sorry I haven't been posting, it's really like I've got 2 fulltime jobs right now.

Sad sad sad fat fat me!

I'm supposed to be the hot babe on the boat in the bikini!!!

Ok ok, I'm back I guess

2006-05-08T07:49:00.000-10:00

160. There, you made me say it, happy now? :P

Thursday last week I hopped back on the Medifast train since Keala had such great success (10 lbs, you go girl!) I was suddenly full of motivation.

Well, I forgot the mixer cup at work on Friday (I went from 160 to 158) and I spent all weekend on our new boat sanding and working.

Oh yeah, Steve and I bought a boat. Not just a little boat, but a 43' charter fishing boat! We're working on it all month, hoping to have it up and in business for June. I will post the website when Steve finishes it up. He got his captain's license and we're super excited.

So I'm back up to 160 this morning because of the fast food and pizza that was consumed while working on the boat. Oh well.

Perhaps I'll give WW another go. I know that eating right works for me. I've also gotta incorporate some exercise, but honestly, between work, the house, and the boat, I'm pooped!

I was toying with the idea of getting a total gym from Sports Authority. First I've gotta declutter and clean out my office so I have someplace to put it. I've got a huge box of NS food in there! Hahaha. Anyone want some?

I'm just pooped! Sore from sanding, stressed from funding, tired from working, grouchy from being 160. It's been a long couple of months.

Hope all is well out there!

Bugaboo

2006-04-13T09:50:00.001-10:00

I'm back, sorta. I'm failing miserably. I'm up to 157 this morning. I haven't been able to follow a plan to save my life, in fact I've kind of been binge eating.

Steve and I are trying to buy a charter boat and business. This is a lot of money. Apparently the stress is getting to me, because I can't sleep at night, I can't stay awake during the day, I'm hungry all the time, and I'm binging on fast foods and things I KNOW I'm not supposed to be eating (at least so much of).

I don't want to use the stress as an "excuse" to eat crap and gain a bunch of weight back. Today I've managed to do well, but it's only 9:45 am! As I go through my day I intend to remind myself everytime I am confronted with food "157, 157, 157". I don't want to keep going up. I should at least be able to maintain!

It's hard to focus when you're so mentally and physically exhausted, and it's so incredibly frustrating to be this tired yet have your mind race for hour on end when trying to get to bed early!

I shall overcome. Sorry for my lack of posting here and on all my friends' blogs. Know that I'm thinking of you all and I'm sorry to miss so much of what's going on with you.

Bugaboo

2006-04-13T09:50:00.000-10:00

S.A.D.

2006-03-31T13:06:00.000-10:00

Ok, this is soooo wrong. It has been raining and storming in Hawaii for 6 weeks....literally! It won't stop!

I have lived here my whole life, and I have never ever seen weather like this. Sure, we've had our storms with thunder and lightning, but never for this long non-stop!!

So it's funny because yesterday I got home and I ate. And ate. And ate some more. Steve was doing the exact same thing. We just couldn't get satisfied.

Today I was starting to do the same thing again, and I was reading the paper and read about SAD. It's a syndrome that people in the mainland experience during the winter time. Basically you guys up there get depressed when the weather is crappy for a long time.

Symptoms are lethargy and overeating. Go figure.

My dogs are even depressed because we can't take them out for walks (which is a habit I was trying to form) because it won't stop RAINING!!

So I'm not expecting a loss this week, in fact I'm expecting a gain. I can't do anything outside, and it's just kind of miserable. So I'm eating.

Bite me :P

This shall pass.......right? I forget what the sun looks like.

Uh oh, Jan's crackin' the whip again

2006-03-27T14:27:00.000-10:00

So I guess it's time for a post, huh?

Ok, here's the update from the last post. I ate all of the leftovers from that meal that I brought home. Yeah, I shoved like 5 of those taro rolls in my face that night.

It has rained like 4 weeks straight out here. You might have seen about the dam in Kauai breaking? Dunno. It won't stop, I don't know how people in Seattle keep from committing suicide. The sun came out like an hour ago and I was stunned. Literally.

I started Weight Watchers last week Monday! Yay!! I'm not going to the stupid meetings, because really, who has time for that crap anyways? But they've got the system all online now, and I'm really enjoying it! I get 22 points a day, with 35 "extra" point every week so I can use them any way I want. I went a little over every day (using those extras) and I splurged on dinner on Friday but I manage to lose 1.6 lbs! (Bullshit, the scale said I lost 3 lbs yesterday, I believe that but I posted the truth of this morning).

You know what's really great? I can eat anything. I mean ANYTHING! So long as I don't exceed my points. I can have beer and stuff! I can eat cake! And the Smart One frozen meals are really delicious!

Ok, I'm rambling. How's that Jan?

Oops, I tripped up

2006-03-16T11:48:00.000-10:00

Ok, I faltered and ate the food at the party. I swear I wasn't going to. I really thought it would be piles of teriyaki beef, mac salad, chow mein type stuff, which I could avoid, but it was this great catering company that came and grilled ribs, chicken, salad, taro rolls and baked beans!

Dammit! I did well though, I had a small scoop of baked beans w/pork (probably about 1/4 cup), corn on the cob, 1 piece of chicken, a tiny scoop of rice, a taro roll, and salad. Probably wasn't a fantastic choice for the day, but I was able to eat a little bit of some really yummy things. I'll have a nice healthy dinner when I come home tonight. I feel good, I made good decisions.

Wow, I'm still going!

2006-03-16T09:55:00.000-10:00

Yesterday I fudged while getting a manicure and pedicure and picked up a 4 oz. bag of yogurt pretzels and a diet Dr. Pepper. I figured the pretzels probably weren't as healthy as they would have you believe by calling them "yogurt" (they've got sugar as one of the first ingredients), but they were the best I could find.

I ended up skipping 2 Medifast shakes to try to counteract (I know that's not good) but I had a delicious NS hanburger with a slice of cheese and a salad. Heaven! Who knew you can lose weight on chocolate shakes and cheeseburgers?

This morning the scale read 154.4, which is still progress. Yay baby steps!! I'm keeping super positive about everything this time and I think this new attitude is really gonna help me out.

In reality, I've lost almost 4 lbs. since Sunday (remember I was 158) so I'm on track to lose 5 lbs. this week, which is better than I've done in ages, so who's complaining?

Today at work they're having a blessing/grand opening party for the rec center we built, and this morning as I was getting ready (buck nekkid) I was looking at myself in the mirror and reminding myself that even though there'll be lots of food there, it's gonna be cold and crappy catered food and while looking at my nekkid rear in the mirror I made a conscious decision that I'd rather have a smaller tush than mac salad. Yay me!

Keeping the Momentum

2006-03-15T08:01:00.000-10:00

I'm keeping my baby steppin' momentum up so far. I think I may have overdone it on the black beans I had with dinner last night, but who ever got fat on too much black beans?

Scale has stayed the same, and I'm proud of myself for the first time in a LONG time. I resisted all urges and temptations (oh well, that's a lie, I had a half a spoonful of peanut butter, but I didn't have seconds!)

Here's to a great day 3! Just one more day.

Baby Steppin' It

2006-03-14T07:57:00.000-10:00

I've updated my sidebar finally.

I hopped on the scale Sunday night to the horror of all horrors.....158!! EGAD!!

I think this is enough to get me into gear, I've even got a new mindset. Baby steps. They've helped me get my house clean, they can help me get my body clean.

Yesterday I resisted all urges for chips and goodies (there were many) and completed my day with Medifast perfectly and finished it off with a sage pork chop, 1 pink baby potato (sliced almost potato chip thin) and a salad with lots of crutons. I picked at the same potatos I made for Steven and some more crutons, but other than that I was perfect! And I was rewarded with a 2 lbs. loss this morning.

My next goal is to see 153 on that scale in the next day or two. Yay 2 pounds! Baby steppin' it!

Today is just one day. I can do my Medifast for the day. Perhaps I'll make the chicken and avocado soup recipe I have at home for dinner tonight.

Ok, toodles guys, got lots of work to do.

Off to a good start

2006-03-08T07:46:00.000-10:00

Thankfully Steven ate all the snickerdoodles yesterday, so there were none to tempt me today.

My coffee tasted off. What is it about changing the amount of coffee that you make always seems to mess up the finished product? I got tired of filling my cup and heading off to work to come home to a cup's worth of coffee in the pot to throw away, so I changed the amount I make, but it wasn't that great. Oh well.

I made herbed pork chops last night from my Menu Mailer. Let's just say Steve isn't very thrilled about all this. The flavor was good, but it needs some tweaking. I can make it delish without adding tons of calories.

We took the pups for a walk yesterday too. They're doing so well, I'm so proud of them. We ran around the park a lot too, big time fun.

My paragonCRT lenses came in today, I have to go pick them up from my eye doctor this afternoon. I won't start wearing them until Friday night though, because there is that short transition time where I will need an in-between prescription before the lenses work all their mojo and I have 20/20. I am not good at waiting for things.

I'm exhausted, havent been sleeping well, my neck has been really killing me at night lately, I have to get down to the chiropractor sometime in the near future.

Post those kitty pics Jan!

Hooray!!

2006-03-07T08:47:00.000-10:00

Hooray hooray hooray!! My blog has finally popped back into it's correct format now that those ginormous pictures of my kitchen have been banished to archive-land!

Update

2006-03-07T08:43:00.000-10:00

Ok, last night I ate too many snicker-doodles and had a glass of wine, but I made tandoori chicken from my Menu Mailer (Steve didn't like it so much, I thought it was yummy, needed more cumin, apparently I like Indian) and I took the pups for a walk around the park.

It's amazing what a walk can do (just like the Dog Whisperer says). Cookie is so good after a while. I have those spring loaded extension leash thingies, and by the time we were on our way back home, Cookie walked right next to me and I had the leash unlocked so she could have run all over the place. Twinkie on the other hand is going to take more work. She's been our little princes since she was a witty bitty baby, so she fought with me almost the whole time to be the pack leader. I know I just need to work with her some more.

I had a snicker doodle and a packet of oatmeal for breakfast with my coffee, and I've got the leftover tandoori chicken in a tupperware next to me for lunch.

I busted out the scale this morning because I couldn't stand it anymore, I feel how tight my pants have gotten and for some reason I look SO fat! I mean I feel as fat as I did when I was 171!! I tipped the scales at 155 this morning. Blech.

So, Steve will probably finish off those cookies today while I'm at work, and I'm just gonna try to eat a little healthier and take my kids for walks everyday. See how I do.

104

2006-03-06T12:47:00.000-10:00

My great-grandmother passed away today. She was 104 years old. I remember meeting Gumi (like gummy bears) only once when I was around 12ish. She seemed like such a neat lady, I wish I could have spent some time with her (she lived in California).

You know what though? It's impossible to feel sad about a woman who passed away at 104. I'm sad for her being gone, but quite honestly, I don't feel the way I had over some recent deaths in the last year. She was 104 year old for chrissakes! That woman lived a full and amazing life. Imagine what she's seen and done. I'm sure that she left this world with no regrets, not wishing she had done something she hadn't. I'm only glad that I was able to meet her at least once.

Goodbye Gummi.

Hello

2006-03-06T12:30:00.000-10:00

Still eating whatevers, pants are incredibly tight, managed to keep on top of my FLYing for the week.

I got fitted for my lenses, which should arrive sometime this week, and I'll see results by next week, I'll let you know how it goes.

I spent an ass-ton of money grocery shopping for my Menu Mailer, mainly due to the fact that when you have been eating diet food or making shakes for as long as I have, you find that your cupboards are lacking. I had a lot of seasonings and standards to buy. The first menu item I made was the beef soup, which I misread to be stew when I made it, so it was surprising when it came out of my crock pot. It was tasty, but everything was WAY too large for a soup (see, I thought it was stew). I should have cut it up smaller.

I have a chicken and avocado soup recipe I'm dying to make.

Helped a girlfriend move into her first apartment on Saturday, she's right across the street from my parents, so they'll take good care of her, I'm sure I'll be jealous ;)

Had a nice "date night" on Thursday after my lens fitting. Steve and I went to Dave and Buster's for dinner. He's getting depressed trying to get work. He gets into a funk and then he can't get motivated to get himself out of it. I feel bad, but it's putting a strain on us. I know we can get through it, he just needs to find some work. When I get stressed I can't fall asleep at night. I was tossing and turning in bed from 9:30 to around midnight, maybe dozing here and there. It sucks.

Work is same old same old. Finally having a nice breather. I ordered some prints from Art.com for my office/trailer. Trying to brighten it up. I don't know why, it's been the same for 2 years now, just decided it needs some livening up.

I think I'll head out for some Subway and Home Depot and Longs. Those are always my money pits.

I'm going to try to start a new habit of taking my dogs out for a walk to the park every day. I had started doing it a little (thanks, Dog Whisperer!) but I got lazy then it rained for like 2 weeks. My pups enjoy it immensly and I know it's good for me. So when I get home I think I'll slip into my workout pants and go for a walk. When I get home maybe I'll replace my medicine cabinet with one I got from an old construction site that the super gave me (it's new).

Ok, I'm rambling. Seeya.

Bored

2006-02-28T11:12:00.000-10:00

I'm just bored with the whole "diet/eat right" thing.

I signed up yesterday at SavingDinner.com for their weekly menu planning. I've signed up for the Body Clutter menu mailer, which is an offshoot of the Flylady.com website.

After a weekend full of laundry (yet again) I'm trying to get back into the swing of things and keeping on top of my chores. I did a load of clothes and folded them and put them away last night. Yay me! Today I'm washing the rugs, what fun! Maybe I can toss my puppies in with them? They smell pretty damn awful for such tiny dogs.

I've been really good about shining my sink, which keeps me remembering to make coffee for the next morning, which is fabulous, because I have hot coffee waiting for me in the a.m.

Steve's got a cup thing, I think I may have mentioned it before. He always drinks his sodas out of a glass with ice. I've got no problem with that. What I do have a problem with is that everytime he gets up for another Coke he forgets he has an old glass and gets a brand new one. I swear, I'm going to shoot that boy. So there is not a single clean tall glass in the house. He's got them all stashed in the office. I've given him a job today, to wash and put away all the dirty glasses before I get home. We'll see if he can manage. Me, I'll use the same water glass for days.....it has to start getting mineral buildup in it before I think it needs a washing. But I'm gross apparently.

I think it's a local thing. We don't mind the small stuff. You know, I used to scrape the ants off the slice of cake and eat it when I was a kid. Thanks, Dad.

Anywho, where was I? Oh yeah. I was a little overwhelmed with the shopping list from my weekly menu, as I've been majorly slacking on keeping some basics in the home. I don't really wanna go shopping, cuz I feel like I'm gonna end up spending a million bucks. I know over time my weekly shopping lists will shrink, it's just that I'm so lacking right now that I have to get so damn much.

I'm gonna work on eating healthy, either via cooking with this menu mailer, or eating Lean Cuisines or NS for dinner. I'm going to ban myself from the scale, cuz it's just not productive right now.

And I'm holding on to all my NS and Medifast, as I'm pretty sure I'll get a fire in my belly again to tackle these once again and get these final 25 lbs off of me.

So there.

Oh yeah, one other thing. I'm getting Paragon CRT lenses. What's that you ask? Well, they're essentially rigid contact lenses that you wear at night while you sleep, and they smoosh (technical term) your eyeballs into the proper shape so that your eyes can focus properly. It's basically what Lasik does to your eyes, but this is not permanent. I was reading horror stories about Lasik, and to be honest with you, I'm still not ready for someone to shoot freakin' laser beams into my eyes. I can stop wearing the lenses and my eyes will go back to their original shape and perscription should I not like it for any reason. That means I don't need contacts or glasses during the day! I can swim in the ocean and not worry about my contacts! Woohooooo!

I'm going to the eye doctor after work on Thursday and he's gonna map my eyes and I should have the contacts by next week sometime.

Ok, back to work now. Toodles.

Choices

2006-02-21T13:01:00.000-10:00

I went off Medifast this weekend. I ate Cheerios, pop tarts, chili, and bag chicken. I didn't go crazy, I didn't gorge on anything. I peeked at the scale on Monday (I have to hide that thing) and I see that I have not harmed myself.

So I'm giving myself options so I don't get burned out. I can either a) have one day a week to go really off plan with junk food, or b) I can go off plan all weekend long so long as I eat like a normal human being and make healthy choices.

I know that doesn't sound really interesting or useful, but to me it works. I get burned out because I want to have Cheerios or pancakes on the weekend, and when I can't have them, I freak out and go crazy. And then we all know that sometimes we all need to just go a little nutty. Unfortunately for me that was last night, so I've used up my options for the week, Medifast or NS all the way!

I had a little margarita/rum and coke/pop tart/chili & bean dip bender last night after an emotional issue that errupted between Steven and myself. This is something that's been going on for a while and I'd like to keep it private, but it hurts, and of course I still turn to liquor and food. I know that's inherently wrong, but it makes me feel better. Bad, I know, don't lecture me please.

I wouldn't allow myself to look at the scale. My new mantra is: "What happened yesterday has nothing to do with what will happen today" Just because I ate a chocolate cake and a gallon of vanilla ice cream last night (figureatively speaking) doesn't mean that I am off the diet hook today. Nor does it mean that all my hard work has been shot to hell.

I can't believe how much NS food is sitting in my office. Nothing looks appealing to me at all!! It's so sad, because I really do like a lot of it.

I'm a freak

2006-02-17T07:53:00.000-10:00

I am so weird sometimes. Last night I had a can of refried beans for dinner. I just can't explain it. For some reason I have been craving beans and have had some every night this week, but last night, that was all I had to eat! Poor Steven. I have a brand new kitchen and I don't even cook for the poor dear!

I figure beans are good for you, right? Low fat, high protein, yada yada yada.

Good news though, I've resisted all temptations thrown at me the last 2 days (exept for a glass of wine at night and those damn beans!) and I've been rewarded with a 2 pound loss so far. Since I'm getting close to the under 150 mark again, I will hide my scale from myself (I'll give Steven that responsibility) so that I won't be swayed by a stupid number on a scale.

If I can just keep up this attitude and avoid seeing the magic numbers that flip my brain into an "I can eat that" attitude I know I can do this.

Starting Over.....again

2006-02-15T09:42:00.000-10:00

Geez, how many times have I written those words above?

I'm starting over. I've had 2 Medifast shakes so far today. After a nice stay-at-home Valentines day with Steven (and some wonderful lovemaking) I decided that I'm too fat. I don't like the rolls and the round and the pudge. I'd like to be sexier for him. I'd like to be sexier for me.

I weighed in this morning at 153.4. *sigh*

So, here I am, starting again. I'm excited. This will be great. I want this. I see cookies and chocolates all around me today, but I want to be slender and sexy. I want that more than those cookies right now. I just have to remind myself that cookies aren't going to be banned from my life forever, just for a little bit. And by no means does that mean I need to gorge myself on them when I do treat myself.

Human mentality. My greatest enemy.

Anywho, I really hate how my kitchen photos have totally screwed up my blog's layout. Eventually they'll get pushed to archives and it'll be back to normal!

Jan, I saw your post, and because you've already had 16 comments, I just wanted to give you a shout out here. Hon, we love you, be strong, all will be well. You'll be in my prayers.

Lazy ass

2006-02-09T21:20:00.000-10:00

I'm a lazy ass, and have lost all motivation. I have no idea why.

Can someone please explain to me why any and all motivation shuts down within me between the 147 & 155 marks?

155 and I find motivation to lose. Anything below that and I don't give a rats ass.

Maybe I'm really destined to be this weight? But I look in the mirror and I know I don't want to! I want to be thin. But I have no desire to work at it.

This morning I had a bowl of Cheerios and coffee. For lunch I made it to Subway and had a 6" chicken breast which I was going to get the baked Lays to go with, but for some reason watching the girl pull the cookies out of the oven did me in. I had a sugar cookie (I don't even like them! But this was so good for some reason) and a chocolate chip cookie. Then I had some chips Keala offered me. Then I made Jambalaya for dinner, which really isn't all that bad, just that I ate too much of it (cuz it's soooo yummy!). *sigh*

Bob, could you just lose the weight for me already? Could you loan me 20?

I know Medifast is hopeless for right now, and I look at the boxes full of NS and I just have no interest. I can try to eat healthy on my own, but I know how that always seems to go.

Someone teach me how to get back into the game!

From "Ew" to "Ooh!"

2006-02-06T19:27:00.000-10:00

I want to apologize first for the size and quantity of these photos. Hope this doesn't slow your computers too much! So here is my kitchen as it was, gutted the day before demo.

Notice I had already purchased a new black fridge in anticipation.

Hmm, looks like I sneezed or something.

This is the vile white laminate countertop. Blech. Notice the heavy water damage & swelling on the cheap ass particle board cabinetry? Double blech.

Last before shot, this is the horrendous pinkish/yellowed vinyl flooring. There is no God.

Now for some beeee-you-tiful photos!

As you can see, my next step is to purchase a black stove. I don't know if you can see the drawers to the left of the stove or not, but I'm missing the bottom 2 faces. They're on their way soon. You can see the lighting on top the cabinets and there is also lighting underneath, harder to tell. I've gotta do some paint touch up. See that crown molding? Can I get an "aw yeah"?

God I love this kitchen.

Here is what we did with my floor. I've had those travertine tiles sitting next to my trash can in the kitchen for about a year and a half or so. Thank God I finally got to use them! Notice the diamond tiles? Those are squares of my countertop. Yes, everyone should have an interior designer as a close family friend.....go get yourselves one right away!

This last one I just wanted to show you a great shot of my counter. Notice the gold flecks? That's copper.

Yeah, new kitchens rock. I highly recommend you all remodel a kitchen at least once in your life. It's one of the most satisfying things to do. It's also helped me with my Flylady, because with an awesome kitchen like that, how can you not keep the sink clean?

Ok, sorry if these are cut off, couldn't get them to post quite right, but you get the gist of it.

Caught up

2006-02-06T11:52:00.000-10:00

Ok, all the crap eating has finally caught up to me. I peeked at the scale yesterday to see that dreaded number again.....150.....blech.

I did it to myself.

Kitchen is done, just have 2 back ordered drawer faces I'm waiting for and I need to buy a new black stove (mine is white). It's gorgeous. I want to cry when I look at it. I just drool.

I considered starting my Medifast again this morning, but then I just didn't really feel like it. I've had so much "real" food lately that I think it's going to be such a shock to my system to go to shakes.

I've made a couple home-cooked meals the last couple of nights which is really nice.

I was out sick most of last week too.

I think I'm gonna hit Subway for lunch today. I will try to ease myself back in to eating right, then I'll finish up my Medifast when it isn't such a shock to my system.

And don't worry, I'll take pics tonight for you people even though it's not completely done......good enough, right?

Flabbergasted!

2006-01-23T09:04:00.000-10:00

I was shocked and amazed to see the scale register 147.4 yesterday morning!! I was going to immediately come and type about it, but my office is a wretched dumping ground for all the kitchen things right now and I can barely stand to be in there.

You just dont understand people! I have been eating really really bad all week! I had a whole medium pizza (thin crust w/tomato & garlic from Dominos) on Thursday, and Taco Bell and Jack in the Box every other night. I had waffles and 2 grilled cheese sandwiches on Saturday. There was just no way that I was expecting to see anything good on the scale on Sunday, let alone the weight I was when Steve came back.

I was in shock. I wasn't even jumping for joy or squealing or anything, just utter shock!

Whew! That was a relief.

Jeff should be finishing up the under-cabinet lighting and some minor adjustments today, and the countertop guys should be coming out Tuesday morning to make a template of my counter. If all goes well, that should be installed on Friday *cross fingers*. Then I just have to tile. The tiling should probably get done this week while the counter is being made.

Unfortunately there were 2 cabinet faces missing on backorder when they put my cabinets together, so it's not completely done. Also, my oven is still white! Blech. Everything else will be black and stainless steel, but I'll have a white oven for another month or so.

I have been coming home and (after cleaning up all the mess and sawdust) just staring and drooling over my cabinets. So so beautiful. I can't wait to see it all done!

And I can't wait to have a working kitchen again to get back on track!

At least I'm maintaing....

2006-01-19T12:39:00.000-10:00

Well, I haven't been able to stay on plan at all this week. I've done well at work, then I can't follow through at home because of all the chaos.

Last night Steve called while I was driving home and wanted me to pick up something. I had just got through having an argument with myself about not needing the junk food. So I had a spicy chicken sandwich from Jack in the Box last night for dinner. No fries or anything.

I'm maintaining, which is good I guess. Today I brought my NS foods with me since I realized how much of it I actually had when I cleaned out my pantry. It's mind boggling how much food I've got!

They started the demo today! I took picks last night, damn my kitchen is F*UGLY! I called about an hour ago to see how things were going and Steve told me they were starting to put my kitchen back together! Hooray!! I might actually have all my cabinets in place when I get home. I'll have to wait until Tuesday for Granite Transformations to make a template of my counters, then that should be done by next week. Maybe they'll tile tomorrow. Who knows. That's what's wonderful about having a small kitchen, it all goes so quickly.

Did I mention that I was absolutely floored with the amount of crap I had squirreled away in that little kitchen. I was flinging stuff like crazy! I think I tossed about 5 trash bags worth of crap out of that kitchen. I tossed all my tupperware bits and pieces that don't macth, and I bought myself that spin and store one you see on tv.

Ok, back to work. I'll post some picks soon.

Stress Sucks

2006-01-18T08:48:00.000-10:00

So the last few days I've started off great with my Medifast, then I get home and it's all downhill from there. Monday I was just so involved with cleaning out all the kitchen cabinets that I think I forgot a couple shakes and I didnt snorfle a NS dinner until almost 8pm.

It's amazing how wonderful throwing away bags and bags full of crap you had hidden away in your cabinets can feel.

Tuesday I had my cabinets delivered! I took a half day at work, but I ended up taking the full day. Usually I can just get away with it, but a customer got all frantic when they came hours early for their appointment with me and I wasn't there. They stressed out anyone and everyone and they were all looking for me! The worst part is, I gave this idiot my cell number so they could reach me! Ok, whatever. People are stupid.

I have an obstacle course in my living room now. And because I was so stressed about work and when and whether or not my cabinets would be delivered I didn't make it throug the day with my Medifast. I ended up with a grilled chicken breast Subway sandwich. I haven't made awful choices, but I haven't followed the plan as well as I should have. With the kitchen looking like a bomb went off, I don't even want to be in there. I managed some toast for dinner last night. That was all I could bring myself to do.

Thankfully, I've got most everything cleaned out. I really just need to set aside our daily use dishes and silverware.

Thursday they should start the demo on my old kitchen and install the new cabinets and tile my floor. Then the template for my counter will be made. God, I hope I get my special order kitchen faucet in soon!

I will be sure to take photos tonight of what my horrible kitchen looks like, then I'll shoot some afters.

New Week

2006-01-16T09:47:00.000-10:00

Ok, so last week wasn't the greatest as far as weight-loss goes, no biggie. On Saturday morning I weighed in at 148.2 and ate fillet mignon with bernaise sauce at Mom's house. Then on Sunday I went back to John Dominis with Steven for our anniversary dinner. Considering the things I ate this weekend, I'm satisfied that I showed any loss at all, no matter how small. Back on track this week.

Dinner was wonderful. Steven is one of those people who think that most expensive things are overrated, so I was worried that he would think that John Dominis was overrated. He ordered the Chef's Special which was fillet mignon, 2 slipper tail lobsters, and shrimp with mashed potatoes. With the first bite I saw a smile and a look of contentment on his face. He was impressed. After the meal (I got the same thing I did last time, delish) we were presented with a couple-sized angel food cake that said "Happy Anniversary" we devoured that even though we were super full. It was very nice. I had a cosmo and a glass of wine with dinner, but for some reason I felt really tipsy. I think they drugged us!

Our tab came out to $124, which was actually $24 for that divine meal after I used my gift certificate. So with tip, that meal was fabulous and fabulously reasonable. Honestly, if we had to pay the full amount, that evening still would have been worth it.

We drove home, joking and chatting. It was the nicest time we had spent together in quite some time. No bickering or arguing, just nice.

Once we got home around 8:45ish, I peeled off my clothes and plopped into bed, even though the sheets were still in the dryer. Steve plopped down upside-down next to me, I hope I didn't kick him in the face any. The next thing I knew, I opened my eyes and it was like 12 am! We literally passed out in bed like that! I got up to turn off the lights and close the front door, then plopped back into bed. Steve woke up around 2:30ish and I guess he played on the computer for about and hour then came back to bed. He was still in bed when I left for work this morning. Our poor little bodies just revolted against us and forced us to get all the sleep we'd been missing. I woke up feeling pretty nice this morning.

It was a simple anniversary, just nice and sweet and relaxed.

Good grief

2006-01-13T13:18:00.000-10:00

I lost my mind last night. I'm not sure exactly why, maybe it had something to do with my sneaking a peek at the scale the last few days to see no change. I had really expected to lose another 5 lbs. or so this week, now I'm getting worried for my Sunday weigh-in.

Last night I made bag chicken. It's this green pouch of seasoning that comes with a roasting bag, and pop it in the oven. It's divine and very very low-cal. So I threw some chicken thighs, broccoli, and baby red potatoes in to cook for Steven's dinner, and I ate my leftover salmon.

I decided to skip a shake and have some of the chicken I made, which started out being 1 piece and a small amount of potatoes and lots of broccoli, and ended up being me standing over the bag eating a piece of chicken with my hands (my rationale was that I needed two chicken bones for the dogs) and spoonfulls of broccoli and potatoes. Ay!

In penance I drank an ass-ton of water. My god, I didn't know I could hold that much in me. Hopefully that won't do me in come Sunday.

I'm also trying to keep positive, that even if I don't lose 20 lbs this month (Medifast advertises that that is possible), that I could still potentially lose 15 lbs! Good enough, be positive!

So tonight I'll probably make Steve taco meat and I'll have an NS taco salad with LOTS of lettuce for myself.

I felt so guilty I couldn't bring myself to watch the Biggest Loser I had DVR'd.

Sundays

2006-01-10T13:36:00.000-10:00

I've kind of decided that Sundays will be my mini-cheat kind of day. This last Sunday I made dijon chicken and roasted red potatoes. So that technically wasn't on plan, but it wasn't atrocious. I also shared a bag of non-diet microwave popcorn. I felt like I indulged and I didn't go nutso and gorge on anything. I had one piece of the chicken and a small side of the starch with a bowl of salad.

I've feeling very good about 2006. Thankfully the "starving" part of restarting my diet has passed. I'm looking forward to trying the thick crust NS pizza tonight. I've heard everyone rave! I've gotta pick up some turkey pepperoni on the way home.

This Sunday (the 15th) will mark my fourth anniversary with Steven. I've made reservations at John Dominis with the $100 gift certificate I got for Christmas. I was going to save it for a later date, but I decided that meant that I'd have 2 days of poor eating instead of combining it into 1. I'm looking forward to it. I'm actually planning on getting the same thing I had last time, it was so yummy! Imagine that! I also know we can't go overboard because that gift certificate will really only cover our entrees. It's a pricey little place to eat.

Steve started his classes for his Captain's license last night. It was actually wonderful to finally have the home to myself. I had slacked a bit this week on my FLYing, but I got the living room and kitchen mostly taken care of last night while he was at school. We won't see eachother so much anymore, but it is still really nice to have the whole place to myself occasionally.

My box of NS is sitting in the office, and my Medifast is sitting on the dining table. With my FLYing I feel horrible about this, but I'm remodeling my kitchen, and my cabinets are due to arrive next week, so I haven't wanted to take them out of their boxes, knowing they'd end up packed in a box all over again anyways! I can just take heart in the knowledge that in a few week's time I'll have a gorgeous new kitchen (counters, cabinets, floors, appliances) that will also work so much better for me! I'll be sure to post a before and after photo.

One week down

2006-01-08T09:54:00.000-10:00

Success!

I love 2006! One week down; 5.2 pounds gone! I survived chocolates and cookies at work, I'm so proud of myself. I thought about having one chocolate a couple of times, but I managed not to all week, and I've been rewarded!

I did nibble a bit during dinners, I had some baby pink potatoes, and last night I had a few bites of Steve's mac salad, but I still had a great week of success.

Medifast during the day, and NS dinners. I had a couple of home cooked dinners too.

I just woke up, so I don't have much more to say, except I'm super excited, and I did a little dance next to the scale this morning. I hope you all are doing well too!

Accountability Cha-cha-cha

2006-01-04T09:25:00.000-10:00

Woohoo. January 4th, and nary a stray thought. I have been perfecto! Except I peek, and when I peek, I see the scale reads 152.2, which means it's finally going back in the right direction!

I have been starving through the weekend, hard to sit around doing nothing and not want to munch. I also dreamed I was eating potatoes last night, weird.

Steve an I sat around on Monday (?) watching The Biggest Loser 2 marathon on Bravo. Damn, the transformations those people went through were a-m-a-z-i-n-g! I think I have to watch the next season of that show. The final 3 looked like completely different people!! The big fat blonde girl was transformed into this adorable, petite, bubbly, little blonde (Suzy). I soooooo want to have a transformation like that!!

Pete won $100,000 for losing 185 lbs! Amazing. He didn't even look like the same person. No one did! They all went from being a group of unattractive, sloppy horde of overeaters, and at the finale they were all sitting around looking gorgeous and thin! They all looked like they belonged on tv or could have modeled!

Steve got down on himself because he's feeling fat (which he has gotten pudgy) and weighed himself (for the first time in ages) at 211. He was all depressed. We were both absolutely amazed though.

Ok, I'm done rambling. Hope you all are doing well. Jan, stop eating!

Ta-Da!

2006-01-01T18:59:00.000-10:00

I've proven that it can be done! A perfect day. 100%. Batting 1000.

I started off my day late, and here's how I did:

Banana shake
Orange shake
S'mores bar
Dutch Chocolate shake
Dutch Chocolate shake
NS BBQ beef and rice
salad w/FF Catalina dressing and crutons
corn and broccoli sauteed in olive oil and sprayed w/ICBINB
tons of water and a couple diet colas

I've forgotten how much dieting makes me pee. I was starving today. My body just isn't used to not eating non-stop anymore. Even though I really didn't start my day until around 11 am or so, I was really having a hard time with just the shakes. I ended up eating dinner around 5:30, and absolutely relishing my salad! OMG, I'd forgotten how fabulous salad could be!

I made Steven a couple pieces of taco chicken and he had a couple burritos. All in all, an excellent first day. The only compromises I see are the crutons and corn I had, but let's face it, those were 2 items I had always refused to give up and I've managed just fine.

I also resolved to work on my Flylady this year. Yesterday I managed to watch a bajillion episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Mom got me the complete series on DVD for Xmas), and between each episode I set the timer and did 15 minutes of housework. The kitchen is clean once again! I even got Steve into it, and managed to get two 15 minute work sessions out of him. I hope that I can get him to see how simple this is and how easy it makes housework. It's wonderful to be able to spend 5 minutes and all the dishes are done, instead of having to spend 30 minutes because every dish in the house is in the sink!

I hope you all had as great a start to 2006 as I did!

Another year has come and passed....and I'm still fat!

2006-01-01T10:33:00.000-10:00

So here we embark on 2006. Doesn't is just sound like a boring year already?

Here I sit, with the full damage report of October through December's eating frenzy. I'm a tubby little 155.4 this morning, ladies (and gentlemen). I just drank down a Banana Blitz shake from Medifast (yummy!), I've got 4 more Medifast thingies to go, and a nice NS or home cooked dinner of my choice.

Last night was kind of a bust. New Year's is always so anti-climactic for me. We dressed up and went to see Harry Potter, then I wanted my "last meal" at California Pizza Kitchen. Alas, it was closed when we finished the movie. Drats. My last meal consisted of Jack in the Box french toast sticks and a jr. bacon cheeseburger, then we sat on a hill and watched fireworks.

I have to say I was happy and relieved when I cut open my Medifast box this morning. Happy that it was all over. Happy that I can get back on my way of slimming down.

I know this is the year for me. I know I will finally complete my weight loss journey (well, you know what I mean, the journey is never complete, only that my goal will be met). The last time I had lost weight was on Atkins, and then the holidays came and deicmated me, but I was unable to repair the damage with the New Year. All hope had been lost.

I look forward to cheering you all along on your journeys this year. I know we can all do it! Good luck gang!

Cleanup

2005-12-27T10:31:00.000-10:00

I was gonna call this post "Spring Cleaning", but it's actually New Year's cleaning. Sorry to say goodbye to the following blogs, but these have not been updated in over 3 months, and one is completely gone!

If you belong to one of these blogs and wish to begin posting again and get reinstated to my list, just drop me a line, we'd all love to have you back posting again!

Say your final farewells to the following:

Luvmy4brats

Marsharash

Motherduck4

SusanKoble

Thedeeword

Applause....

2005-12-27T09:35:00.000-10:00

To all of you who not only managed to stay on track and maintain through the holidays, but actually lost weight! I don't know how you did it, honestly. And I hate you for it. In a loving kind of way. :)

I had a doctor's appointment on Thursday, and of course they weigh you no matter what your reason for being there. I joked to the nurse not to let me look at the scale and I was starting my diet again after New Years, she smiled at me, so I thought she understood. So I step on the scale, not looking, and she says "158, ok you can get off". I was stunned!! Was she the antichrist?? Evil wicked horrid woman! Sidenote: I was actually 154 according to my home scale the next morning.

Anywho, Steve and I shook on it, it's official. He will quit smoking and I will go back on my diet and lose about 30 lbs. come January 1st. Let's just say it won't be a very happy place to live, I'm sure.

I've got a month's worth of Medifast and a month's worth (and then some) of NS. I think I can Medifast it with NS dinners the first month, then follow up with NS meals for breakfast and lunch and healthy home cooked meals at home. I think that's a great plan to a) get me losing quickly and detox myself, b) transition me back into healthful breakfast and lunch choices, c) re-teach me how to cook healthfully at home.

Come January 1st all the garbage will be thrown out of my office, and all the additional junk should be eaten by then. I've pretty much gone through the crap in my house already, so it's pretty safe there. Did I tell you people I ate a tub of Philly cinnamon/brown sugar swirled cream cheese and 4 bagels in 3 days flat? I think that's a record.

Steve's gotta eat his carmel popcorn that my parents gave him, all the chocolates are gone. Really the only thing edible that was given to me this weekend was a $100 gift certificate to John Dominis, which is divine. Perhaps I will save that as a goal/good job dinner for Steve and I.

I'm meeting up with a girlfriend from highschool after work today for some beers and probably pupus at Chilis. January 15th is Steve and my 4 year "anniversary", from there we're safe until Valentine's Day, and then I think it's smooth sailing until my Birthday in June.

I'm feeling pretty confident. I'm a little worried that I'm gonna have some wicked withdrawls and cravings with the way I've been eating, but I also think my body is really tired of this and is probably ready to get back to a healthy lifestyle.

Sibling rivalry

2005-12-19T20:25:00.000-10:00

What's up with that anyways? I'm an only child, so the closest thing I had to sibling rivalry was my cousin Brandy who I grew up with for the most part. She moved to Las Vegas when we were just shy of highschool.

I don't really have memories of being jealous of her (I'm sure if I think real hard I can come up with something), for the most part I remember relishing anything that I was "better" than her at, and she did the same to me. I was a better golfer (then I lost interest and she gained it, surpassing me), I remember being glad I didn't have braces and glasses (oy! glasses!......luckily no braces though). It was lots of little things like that. We were always on a mostly even playing field growing up.

When she moved away, we lost touch. Maybe the only real reason we were close is that we were related to eachother. There was some kind of ill will between our families when they left (hubub between my dad and his sister, and then all the siblings were kind of in a tiff because my parents bought their childhood home). I remember Brandy used to complain that Tutu (grandma) liked me best. Unfortunately, that was probably true, a) because I was her first grandchild, and b) simply because I spent way more time with her. Her parents kind of distanced themselves from the family whenever possible.

Have you ever seen "Home for the Holidays" with Holly Hunt? Her family was kind of like the family that dressed up and wanted everything perfect, then left with their panties in a bunch because everyone else acted exactly like everyone else always acted!

Anywho, I digress.

I took some kind of sick satisfaction when I heard she was fat. And I mean really fat. To hear my Tutu and uncle talk about it, the girl could barely fit through the door. I am so going to Hell, I'm certain now. It was one more thing that I was "better" because I wasn't that fat. Then she got gastric bypass surgery. I was astounded. I was really shocked that she was ever that fat.

Then she (and her younger brother) both got engaged (not to eachother you sickos). Dammit. Now she was one up. How the hell did I ever become so twistedly evil? I've been with Steve just shy of 4 years, and nada. Apparently she met her fiancee after she lost the weight, so she must have only been dating him for less than a year. Why the hell does this make me jealous, can someone please let me know if I need to seek professional help or if deep down everyone thinks like this, just never really admits to it.

So I sent her and her brother both cards congratulating them on their respective engagements (which no one ever sent me an announcement for, only knew about it from Tutu). Once again, I took some horrible satisfaction in my having much better manners because neither of them acknowledged my cards with a call or thank you note!

Then what do I get in the mail today? A Christmas card from Brandy, thanking me for sending her a card. Mouth, meet foot, foot, mouth. Oh yeah, she also sent a photo. She's so damn thin and gorgeous!

Could this be my much needed motivation? As I took a bath and thought about it all, I decided to have a beer, bake the cookies I bought today and take them all to work and get down to business. I can't let Brandy "beat" me!!

Yes people, I know that I am sick, twisted, and utterly evil without any hope. But maybe this evil little girl can finally have something to focus on to reach that final goal.

Keep your eye on the prize:

BRANDY

I'm sick, I know. If you know of any good mental health professionals in my area, feel free to email me.

sigh

2005-12-19T13:38:00.000-10:00

Well, here I am thinking I'll be good today. Medifast. But I had to have one of the white chocolate/macadamia nut cookies Keala made this morning. Just one. Not my favorite. I did well the rest of the day, then the guys came back from lunch and tossed 2 tacos on my desk in front of me. Dammit, that I couldn't resist.

Perhaps I can get away with counting that as my meal today and not do dinner tonight, or just a large salad? Do you think this is salvagable?

13 days

2005-12-18T18:50:00.000-10:00

I am so close to breaking point now. I am mortified. Disgusted. Furious. With myself. Geez, I've managed to gain about 10 lbs. since my lowest weight. I am horrified that I'm around 155 again. I truly thought I'd never see that number again.

After our department Christmas luncheon on Thursday (which I ate SO much I actually thought I was going to throw up on the way home) I decided that this was really the last "official" holiday meal thingy I had this year that it would be safe to start up with the diet again. So Friday I was the Medifast queen. I had a nonstop day from 10 am to 2 pm at work. I mean my cell phone would not stop buzzing on my hip, and the appointments kept coming one right after the other. I had to crunch it all together so I could bail early to take Steve to Matson to pick up his truck (yay!) by 3:30 pm that day. Keala offered to pick me up McDonalds for lunch (which I refused after a little hesitation). I managed to do my shakes only, although I was a bit woozy, which I'm sure was a combination of a) no junk food, b) not enough water due to the business of my day, and c) downright exhaustion.

We had to sit around Matson for just under an hour and a half. By the time he got his truck, I was literally starving to death. We drove (in rush hour) about another 30 mins or so deciding what to do (I had suggested staying in town and watching a movie until the traffic died down, but we eventually just hit a drive through and drove home). By the time we got to Jack in the Box I was ravenous, and no stupid southwest pita was gonna do it. I snarfed down a spicy chicken sandwich, a small bag of curly fries dipped in buttermilk and a diet coke (diet!). I had hoped that all in all that wouldn't have done that much damage, but I was wrong.

I'm starting to worry a bit that I won't be able to kick back into gear come New Year.

I am just stressing out about everything and now the fact that I look like a rhinocerous doesn't help. I looked in the mirror after getting out of the shower tonight, and I honestly think I look just as bad as I did the day I weighed 175. Someone shoot me, please. Right in the head.

One of my commentors made a suggestion to hold to the diet every other day. That sounds so easy, doesn't it? I wonder if it'll end up being counter-productive in my current frame of mind however. Oh well. I think I shall give it a go. I've at least go to MAINTAIN. I mean, c'mon people, I hardly call 155 maintaining over the holidays. I suck.

Ugh

2005-12-13T08:01:00.000-10:00

Ok ok guys, I'm here, just haven't wanted to post, because to post is to admit to the world the insanity of my eating habits.

Holidays are hell, man.

152 baybee. Blech. I honestly don't understand what it is about the month of December that seems to give me license to gobble up everything I wouldn't dare to touch in, oh let's say, July.

I'm not even going to begin to tell you people what I've eaten.

And I've been sickly happy with myself for "only" gaining about 4 lbs. But if I really look back, I remember I was 146/147, so in reality I've really gained about 6 lbs. Ack!

I know it's strange to say, but I really really can't wait for these damn holidays to be over with so I can go back to normal and lose the rest of this weight!! How crazy is that? Do you realize that when most people go on "diets" they simply can't wait until they can have an excuse to go off it and cheat. And here I sit, in jeans that are too tight waiting for the moment I have an excuse to go back on my diet. *sigh* It's a mad mad world we live in.

I just know that at the stroke of midnight on December 31st something in my brain will click and say "Oh yay, I can go back to my diet and lose this weight now, it's my resolution!" Until then, I know it's a no-go. I'm not even putting up a fight.

On another note, I've got a WHOLE unopened box of NS sitting in a closet. I thought I might go back to eating it after the holidays, but the more I think about it, the less it really appeals to me. Plus, I've already got practically a box's worth in my pantry (which I will have to clean out in a matter of weeks for my new kitchen cabinets!). I'm debating seeing if anyone wants to buy the whole shebang from me or if I should break the puppy up and sell the contents. What say you?

Don't let the wagon wheel hit your ass on the way down

2005-12-02T09:17:00.000-10:00

Ok, so the post below lasted all of one day. How sad is that?

Steve and I polished of a tube worth of chocolate chip cookies in 2 days, I got cream cheese cinnamon rolls from Safeway, fastfood in between. I mean I was just all over the place this week. So alas, I am 150.4, and I deserve every pound of it. :(

Tomorrow is the company party, next week is our department's luncheon, and so on and so forth. Man the holidays suck ass.

So, back to just trying to maintain. I now understand that I am helpless to resist all that is placed before me and all I can do is try not to go nutty with it and maintain through the rest of the season.

I'm confident (although I've tried and failed several times already) that I'll be able to get back on track with the New Year, just as everyone else will be doing the same, and with the New Year comes a sense of new beginnings and starting over. That should give me the support I need, but for now, I will yield to temptation, and only try not to drown in it.

Looks like I'm back on the wagon

2005-11-28T11:45:00.000-10:00

Weighed in this morning at 148.4, not bad if you could have seen the food I was shoveling into my mouth all weekend.

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving holiday, those 4 days off were much needed.

I was going to quit the diet altogether until the New Year so I could start off fresh again, but I had a chat with myself and decided to give it another go. I'll be great all week, then I'll allow myself to go offplan on the weekends (not to go overboard though). I'm going to alter between my Medifast and my NS because I'm low on Medifast and have tons of NS. I'll probably stick mostly to NS dinners when I do my Medifast shakes, but I certainly won't limit myself to them.

I think with allowing myself to go off plan on the weekends I will free myself of the "need" to eat as much as I can when I can. It won't seem like I'm so limited.

Perhaps at the New Year I'll hop on the Medifast wagon full-force to get down to goal. I know the last 10-20 lbs. is the hardest, but this is ridiculous!

I have to say I'm impressed with my body's desire to remain under 150, and I think that's given me some much needed motivation.

I'm a little woozy today on just my shakes, coming off of my weekend food bender. Hungry and woozy, yup, that's me.

I fucking quit

2005-11-22T09:15:00.000-10:00

God dammit.

I had a hissy fit this morning directed at Steve. I'm such a bitch. I apologized.

I am so fucking fed up with 147 already. I am spending all this money on diets and foods and I'm still fucking up on my own big time. I am so pissed at myself.

Sunday was the day from hell and escalated into me eating whatever the hell I wanted to. Monday I started off in the right direction, but I couldn't keep my hands off the Ritz crackers and some spinach dip I had in the fridge and the flour tortilla crisps I made Steve.

I should be somewhere at a loss between 10 & 15 lbs by tomorrow. It's more around 5, and it's 100% my fault.

So, I quit. Forget it. Every day I do my best, but really, I am just anticipating the next day I "get" to eat lots and lots. First it was John Dominis, now it's Thanksgiving, soon afterword it's our company Christmas party, then our department luncheon, etc. etc. etc. What a load of crap.

Mom & I sat around on Saturday looking at recipes for Thanksgiving talking about how we need a lot of people to come so we can have a little bit of everything! We're such gluttons. I've decided to make brie popovers. I know I have no hope on Thanksgiving.

I quit. At least for now. I've got to get to a point where I won't be drooling at every party invitation. I'm thinking after the company Christmas party I should be good. Mom & Dad are converting their half of the house (it's a huge beachouse which has been cut in half as long as I've lived there and we rented out the mountain side of it) to a vacation rental and moving into the junk side to fix that up to make that a vacation rental and eventually build on top their roof for a permanent place for them to live. What does all that mean? Well, no more pool (at least while there are people there), it won't be as nice to hang out there every weekend, Mom probably won't cook like she always does, so I'm thinking the temptation will be lessened.

I've also got a huge box of NS that UPS left on my doorstep even though we left them a note to refuse delivery (I cancelled a smidge too late). I was gonna call NS and see what I could do about it, but I might just keep that for now and use it later.

The point is I've lost sight. I bitch and moan that I'm still fat while others are getting skinny, but I'm living from one fabulous meal to the next. I'm not looking at this right anymore. I'm only wasting my money at this point. I need to take some time off and reconnect with why I want this. Sure, I look much better at 147, but I still don't like what I see. I can imagine what I'd look like 20 lbs lighter, but I can't seem to let myself get there.

It's taken me almost a year to lose 25 lbs. How sad is that? I just get aggravated when I hear success stories now, because there is no reason why it couldn't be the same for me too.

Ok, I'm just totally pissed at myself right now. I'll get over it, I'll find my center, and I'll do this.

Maybe it's the Medifast that's making me go crazy. I dunno.

I'm going to eat. Not crazy, not as much junk as I can shovel down my throat, I'll try to make decent choices, I've got some NS in my drawer I'll have for lunch. It'll be alright. I can lose 20 stinking pounds. Just not right now, because my heart obviously isn't in it.

Heaven

2005-11-17T12:28:00.000-10:00

....Pure heaven. I have never in my life had such wonderfully delicious things in my mouth.

Oh my god. If any of you - ANY of you - ever make it out to Oahu, get your butt's to John Dominis. It's rather pricey, but my god, the food was divine. Pure heaven.

Keala and I sat next to eachother, and with each bite I had to hold back tears I told her. Have you ever had something so delicious that you want to weep when you eat it? Keala told me every bite she had to hold back "mmm" moans.

We went all out. I can only imagine what the bill was. Go there, do it. Eat as much as you can.

Here's what I had, you can start drooling now.

2 ultimate cosmopolitans
escargot in a mushroom cap
crab in a mushroom cap
poke
sashimi
smoked salmon on rye toast points w/ cream cheese
shrimp cocktail

The above was just appetizers!

Here's the rest of the meal:

caesar salad
another cosmo
new england clam chowder (Keala shared)
macadamia nut crusted stuffed opakapaka (stuffed w/crab, scallops, basil) in a lobster sauce w/3 shrimp tempura
steak, lobster, crab (Chris shared w/me and I shared my fish w/him)

Now for dessert, everyone ordered something and we passed it all around the table

cappuccino (I didn't share)
chocolate bread pudding w/ice cream on top (I ordered this and shared)
creme brulee
mud pie
macadamia cream pie
ice cream and fresh strawberries
cheesecake w/strawberry sauce
disarrono (liquer)

Oh my god people. I have never in my life had such a delicious meal! Go! Come to Oahu just to eat here!

Well, Steve certainly enjoyed my leftovers last night, and even though he complained that he doesn't like fish, he cleaned his plate and looked happy ;) I was sad to see it go, but I knew I couldn't do that to myself again today. *sigh* There will be another time!

So today I'm back on track with Medifast. Plan on being 100% super duper! I feel that after that meal I treated myself to I completely deserve to be 100%!

I still see fat

2005-11-16T09:28:00.000-10:00

How can that be? How can I have lost almost 24 lbs. and still see a fat body? I don't think I see much of a difference (but I know there is one and I can see it in photos). It's just so.....odd.

Anywho, last week was a bust from all my crap dinners. I weighed in at 147.4 this morning. Bummer.

I have a purse full of Medifast for today, but as I was driving in to work I realized I didn't want to waste all that Medifast, knowing I was going to be having a splendiferous meal out tonight, so I got McDonalds for breakfast. I decided to eat today.

I will be back 100% tomorrow, full force, making up for last week's dismal display. And to show you all I could do it, I ate my chicken and broccoli last night. I didn't waiver.

I can do this. It's not hard. I've got the means and the know-how. Thanksgiving is the next pending disaster, the only thing I can do is watch my portions and do my very bestest on all the other days. Really, how can anyone expect me to not eat sweet potatoes with marshmellows, mashed potatoes with lots of gravy, turkey, and a slice of pumpkin pie? I mean, C'MON! It's just un-American to think of not eating all that!

I think for dinner tomorrow I'll make Steven tacos and eat my NS tacos.....mmmmm. With lots of lettuce. That sounds good.

What gives?

2005-11-15T07:42:00.000-10:00

So, why is it so difficult to eat decently once you blow it? I can't figure that one out. I have had nothing but good intentions every night, but I haven't eaten a good dinner ONCE since Friday.

I've been 100% all day every day, but come my dinner meal, I've blown it.

Friday: Ruby Tuesday's queso meltdown
Saturday: Mom's rib/pizza disaster
Sunday: Leftover steak & potato from Friday
Monday: 2 sopes from a little Mexican place I like
Tuesday: ??

I've got chicken in the fridge waiting for me when I get home. Wait, I'm starting to see the problem and pattern! I've been out every single night. I haven't been home for dinner. Sunday we were at Sears for their sale and got home around 8 pm. Hmmmm.

I'm considering eating what I have of my NS dinners for my Medifast dinners. What do you guys think? I'm supposed to be eating "lean and green", so I don't know if the extra carbs of some of my pastas and whatnot would be a bad idea, any thoughts?

Life is so much easier when I'm home alone and can cook.

Now that I think back, when Steve picked me up from work he asked at every fastfood place we passed if I wanted that. This morning we went through the Burger King drive through so I could get a coffee and he asked me what I wanted to eat. That was it, I yelled at him and asked him to acknowledge that I'm on a diet and to stop offering me everything! He offered me Tostitos and cheese dip last night (I declined).

Boyfriend. Sabotaging. Diet. Must. Destroy! Arrrrgh!

Ok, now that I can really see (it helps to write stuff down) what is going on, I can see that it's not just me and a lack of willpower, I have been out of my own element and sabotaged by my man.

Tonight I will either have some chicken or an NS dinner. That settles it. And tomorrow night I've got my dinner coming to me, so watch out! I'm planning on having the macadamia nut stuffed opakapaka (its a fish), an ultimate cosmo, and I'm almost certain there will be a dessert in there!

Right after that, I'm back to it. It seems easier now that I see it wasn't me, it was my situation and my man. How many times am I gonna repeat that? LOL

I peeked this morning, I was 147.4, which was better than what I saw on Sunday morning (149!), but my poor eating has seriously hampered my quick Medifast weightloss. I can only make next week better.

Oh yeah, I also switched back to regular coffee instead of that awesome coffee I had raved about earlier. I little cup of half and half and a sweet n low.

CRAP!

2005-11-12T22:30:00.000-10:00

TWO nights in a row of CRAP dinners. What the fuck?

Last night we were out at Walmart looking for a big cooler for Steve's boat and we were surrounded by fast food and I was getting hungry. I suggested we eat at Ruby Tuesday's because they have relatively good menu choices and a great salad bar. So we get seated miles away from the salad bar (I forgot all about it once we were seated), and the waitress offered us appetizers because it was happy hour. I turned to Steve as usual and asked if he wanted anything, expecting him to say no like he always does, and what does he do? He orders chicken wings and queso dip!! Bwaahahahaha. I was stunned. He almost never orders appetizers!

So we devour the queso and wings and share a steak and shrimp dinner. We don't manage to eat much of it but we give it our all. We get home, I drink the two beers out of the fridge.

So this morning I'm back at 147 something. I figure this was one day, a minor setback, all is not lost.

We go to the parents' house today. Mom has me toss in some pork ribs to slow cook for dinner. This all sounds fine, I'll have some pork, a slice of cornbread and some salad or veggies. I had all my shakes. Then tragedy strikes! Mom announces that the ribs are horrible and dry and we should order pizza. Then she discovers that when Dad put the cornbread in the oven he actually turned the oven OFF so it's been sitting in a cooling oven for 20 minutes and has not cooked. Dammit! So, by the time the pizza arrived (around 7:30 which is late for me now) I'm famished and dig in. I have 2 slices of the thin supreme and 1 slice of the hand tossed sausage and pepperoni dipped in garlic butter. Then we pass around the pan of super crumbly cornbread covered in the honey butter mom makes for a side, I have 2 beers and a bite of Steve's Haagen Daaz bar. I feel ill.

Let me repeat: Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Ok, tomorrow is another day. I still have my dinner coming up next week to contend with, and I still intend on eating and drinking whatever my little heart desires. I hope these 2 (soon to be 3) days don't put too much of a dent in my weight loss.

Hey, one bit of silver lining, I got my 6 boxes of vanilla that I won on Ebay today. Yay!

Tomorrow is another day, another chance to be 100%.

Woohoo-hee-hoo!! (I peeked)

2005-11-11T09:03:00.000-10:00

I peeked I peeked! 146.4 this morning....wooooooooooo doggie!

Jan & Tina, you'd better hurry yer asses up ladies! You've gotta try something new to kick-start your metabolisms. Remember my Mai-tai diet? Go out tonight and have a bunch of Mai-tais. I 95% guarantee you'll start losing weight again.

I've gotta go to dinner tonight at Black Angus/Stuart Andersons. Steak and steamed veggies for me.

Ok, scale is going away until Wednesday again.

pout

2005-11-09T07:55:00.000-10:00

148. Ta da!

That's 3 lbs. gone my first week, which is fantastic. The reason I'm pouting is because it's a number I've seen a dozen times in the last 2 months. Been there, done that.

Good news, that means from here on out I'll be seeing numbers that I haven't seen in years, and how can that be a let-down? My goal for next Wednesday is 145 or less. I'm going to stay off the scale until then. I know it works, I don't need to watch the daily fluctuations. I was 147.6 yesterday, and that drives me nuts that I'm 148 today on my "official" weigh-in day.

If I consistently lose 3 lbs. a week, I can reach my goal of 125 by New Year. Granted, there will be ups and downs (especially with the Holiday trifecta amping up to clobber me), hopefully there will be weeks when I lose 5 lbs. which will make up for those when I don't lose any. Hehe, I remember having this conversation with my self at the start of NS, telling myself (when I began in February) that I can reach my goal by my Birthday in June. Such is life.

I've gotta go to dinner on Friday night, but that's going to be kept to a fillet mingon and steamed or grilled veggies.

My John Dominis dinner is what's going to blow me out of the water.

I bought some more vanilla shakes on Ebay. So far the way this diet is going, I might push it beyond a month and go until I reach goal. It's really much easier to follow than I thought it would be. The shakes are yummy, and I have not yet experienced hunger and no real cravings (except for the new 7-11 coffee I discovered). I appreciate that Medifast is "all inclusive"; that I don't have to add on extras throughout the day as with NS. That was really what started to make me fizzle. I thought it was tragic if I didn't have any fruit at work or if I forgot to get a salad, and it was so hard to transport that to meetings and whatnot. With Medifast, all I need are my little portable packets and water, and then for dinner I can have a delicious and nutritious meal. I like that.

Yay Medifast! Yay Nutrisystem. Both are great plans. If you're a junk-foodie with no self-control, NS is where you should start. If you don't mind going what others think of as "gung ho" for a while, Medifast is great. I cant understand why those around me who know I'm doing it have to crinkle their faces and look at me with pity when I tell them about the shakes! They're really very good, and the food they are eating doesn't look like I'm missing out on much!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Revision:

Whoops, I started at 151.6, so I've actually lost 3.6 lbs, just shy of 4 lbs. for the first week. Hurrah!

Whoopsie

2005-11-08T12:09:00.000-10:00

I was gonna post here my weigh-in, thinking it's been a week, but when I looked at the calendar, my official 1 week weigh-in really isn't tomorrow.

That's good news, because I still have a day to go and I'm down to 147.6 this morning, which is a 3.4 lbs. loss in just under a week. I think my first week of NS I only lost 2 or 3 lbs. I'm happy.

I don't like most of the "foods" that Medifast has to offer. The chicken noodle and cream of chicken are really the only things I can manage. I've really been surprised at how satisfying and delicious all the shakes and bars are though. I can really see me living off of yummy shakes and a bar for a few more weeks.

I'm going out to dinner at Black Angus tomorrow night with my boss and couple co-workers. It was our "prize" for doing a pumpkin carving contest from last year. Yeah, we're slackers out here in Hawaii. So I was looking at the menu, and I'm thinking I'll get the fillet mingon (smallest fillet) with steamed veggies and no potatoes. That falls within my plan.

Now, I do have a planned cheat next week. We are going to John Dominis, and I fully intend to cheat. I've never been to this restaurant, and it's one of the nicest ones on Oahu. You can view the menu from the website. *drool* It sits on a mini-peninsula so it's got water views all around, watching the surfers at Point Panic and the boats going in and out of Keehi Lagoon.

The "we" in the above paragraph is the President of our company, all the VPs and upper managers, and all us who work at our particular community. We had the most closings for the quarter (36 homes), which earns us a "Most Closings Dinner". This is the 3rd one I've been to, and it's basically where all the minions get to splurge on a fantastic meal and drinks on the boss' dime. It's always fun.

So, I will stay on plan tomorrow, and next week I'm going all out.

I'll be back tomorrow with my official weigh-in!

No more compromises

2005-11-07T07:31:00.000-10:00

The scale popped up slightly this morning (149.6), and I'm not sure if that's caused by my period being due any day, or if it's because I've been making slight compromises the last couple of days.

First I compromised with skin on my chicken and too much full-fat salad. Then a couple of itty-bitty cookies. Then at mom's house she made spaghetti. I picked up some chicken and she grilled me a piece (while the others ate sausages), but I still had about 1/4 cup of pasta (no where does it say I should be eating carbs.....remember, lean & green). I did eat salad with FF dressing.

I was freezing cold last night so I stopped at a 7-11 for coffee on the way home. There were two guys just perched in front of the coffee while it was brewing so I had one of the specialty cappuccinos out of the machine before I shivered myself to death. It was absolutely divine! It was cinnamon cappuccino, and let me tell you, it tasted exactly - and I mean exactly - like cinnamon toast. I have no idea what the nutritional info was on that, but I can't imagine it was good. I mean I could taste the toast! I missed one of my Medifast meals yesterday, and I figured to not eat it later because I thought it would compensate for any extra calories.

So, compromises. They suck. No more.

I think the most of it is caused by my period, but I'm going to eliminate the human error now. I'm not compromising. I'm going to swing by Safeway and pick up some skinless thigh fillets and more broccoli (the horrors, I was out of broccoli the other day). There are a dozen different ways I can prepere a piece of chicken to make it yummy and nutritious.

This morning I'm drinking a small coffee with a single-serve cup of french vanilla flavor and a little sweetner. I stood by and watched as 2 guys made some of the specialty cappuccinos out of the machine *sigh*.

I've got my 5 Medifasts in my purse, and I'm gonna have a nice piece of chicken and some broccoli while Steve is working tonight.

Stupid period.

Oh, I also put up my 2 boxes of Chili and 2 boxes of Oatmeal for sale on Ebay. I'll see if I can recoup some money on that. I've got 3 more boxes of oatmeal, all different flavors that I can't decide if I should just sell or attempt to make taste better. I really like all the shakes, maybe I'll just buy some more of those. I really wish I had just focused on shakes, but I tried to mix it up when I ordered.

Ok kiddies, on to tomorrow.

Oh Jan, here's a mini-story for ya:

When I was real little and asking lots of questions to learn words, I'd always point at things and ask, "What's that?". (This is how Mom tells the story BTW, I don't actually remember it). Obviously I drove my parents crazy with this.

Anywho, one day Mom had just bought something new and it was packaged with big pieces of syrofoam to protect it in the box. I pointed at one of the pieces of white styrofoam and asked, "What's that?". Mom answered, "That's styrofoam.". So I looked at it for a minute. I then picked up a piece, pressed it against my ear, and said into it, "Hello?"

Get it? eh? eh? Get it? Styrofoam/Telephone? Yeah, I crack myself up too. :)

Medifast Day 4 Recap

2005-11-05T20:17:00.000-10:00

Here's my boring-stuck-at-home-doing-laundry day.

Vanilla shake (life is good)
Chocolate mint bar (I'm actually surprised at how much I like their bars)
Cream of chicken soup (not a huge fan, but still edible)
Dutch chocolate shake (let me repeat, life is good)
Strawberry cream shake
Salmon and southwest vegetables (didn't realize I was out of broccoli)

I'm sweaty yet I want a cup of tea, go figure. I did have 2 mini cornflake cookies. I ordered 2 bags from a coworker's kid's fundraiser a few weeks ago, and of course they came in on Friday. Bastard. So I gave a bag to Steve, and told him not to eat the one in the pantry, that it was reserved for when I decided to go off my diet again. He left his open bag on the counter all day, and I managed to avoid them most of the day, but I ate 2. They're about the size of a nickel or maybe even a quarter, so they're really just like a little nibble of heaven. I shoved his bag in the back of the fridge, I'm safe now.

I slept until a little before noon, threw in a couple of loads of laundry, watched HBO, read my book, and tried not to doze off. If Steve wasn't around I could probably sleep most of the day. I don't know why.

My 4 days off helped, but not that much. I really need a nice little getaway, maybe to an outer island.

Jan, I don't have the energy or drive to write a long flashback story today, I'm sure I'll think up one soon for ya though.

Medifast Day 3 Recap

2005-11-05T18:09:00.000-10:00

I'm a little fuzzy on day 3, got pretty darn busy and ended up not eating for a long span of time.

I ate everything I reported earlier, and I believe I skipped one Medifast meal due to the breakfast.

I recall having the Chicken noodle soup. That was pretty good, should have probably let it sit longer. I also remember a shake? I think. Can't remember what.

I made bag chicken for dinner since Steve was actually home to eat for a change. I LOVE bag chicken.

I don't even know the brand, but you can find it with all the packets of flavoring (i.e. taco seasoning and stuff) in the grocery store. It's usually on the bottom, and it comes in a dark green packet that's twice as long as the others because it has a roasting bag in it as well. Mom used to make it all the time. It's basically seasoning so it's really healthy.

I love to toss in chicken with broccoli and potatoes. Shake it up and cook it. Heaven.

I had 1 piece of chicken (unfotunately it had skin and I ate it!) and a bunch of broccoli. Didn't cook any potatoes in it this time. I also made a Salsa salad (one of the kits). This is really yummy but it does have fat and calories. I also went overboard and ate what was left after Steve & I had our helpings because it would have just been a waste.

Day 3

2005-11-04T12:25:00.000-10:00

Had a breakfast meeting today so I crumbled and ate a little.

1 scrambled egg & cup of miso soup & 3 billion cups of coffee(that sounded protein-y and healthy, since boullion is allowed as a snack)
Caramel nut bar (very good. I enjoyed it)
Swiss mocha shake (yummy)

It's 12:27 pm and I still have 3 more Medifast things to eat and a light meal (since I already ate a small breakfast). I'm not hungry, doing well, still enjoying it.

This morning Mr. Scale read 148.8 which makes for a 2.8 lbs. loss in 2 days which is excellent. I think I will put him back in the closet and weigh-in weekly for awesome results.

I'll do a final update tonight and let you know how the rest of the day went. I know, aren't I exciting?

Medifast Day 2 Recap

2005-11-03T19:31:00.000-10:00

Here's my day:

Burger King coffee w/1 cream and 1 sweet n low
Chai latte (very spicy/cinnamony. kind of like pumpkin pie, not bad, not great)
S'mores granola bar (smelled exactly like play-doh, thankfully didn't taste like it)
Chili (ugh. much to be desired. texture was decent, flavor was more a sloppy joe. I'll see what I can do with some Tobasco, this one might be a lost cause as well)
Strawberry shake (good, like strawberry nesquick with a little bit of grit and a slight mediciny aftertaste, I may not have mixed it well enough)
1/3 a cajun steak w/salad and steamed veggies from Chili's

I didn't drink AT ALL. I had a whole bunch of iced tea, people couldn't belive it! I did dip my veggies in the gravy and mashed potatoes a couple of times. I could have been better, but I didn't eat the bread and I stuck with my portions fairly well. I think I'm going to skip the 5th Medifast shake tonight because I think the fat and calories from the steak were a bit much.

I do feel a little guilty about it, but I was still very good and within reason.

Nice

2005-11-03T07:24:00.000-10:00

This morning I'm 149. Good times :)

That's a 2.6 lbs. loss.

Most of that is water weight, and probably a lot of it is still residual from my drinking on Halloween. Still, it's nice :)

I made Steve a grilled cheese sandwich when he got home last night and put a bit of melted cheese in my mouth...which I spit out. I didn't even want a bite of his sandwich. I was really desperate for the rest of the salad I made last night, but since it wasn't FF dressing it would have been too many extra calories and fat. I would have snorfled had it been FF. I hope it's still edible when I get home today.

This is what I needed. It's very odd that something "new" gives you a new sense of willpower, moreso than something "old" that's shown you results. So maybe when I got back to NS it will be "new" again!

Today might be a little tougher today, we have our quarterly company meeting which usually ends up at Chili's for beer and pupus afterword. I can't just peel out after the meeting because Steve has my car today, but I think I'll be ok. Medifast is something new, and its so much simpler to stay focused and not cheat when it's something that's brand new as opposed to something you've been doing for a while.

I feel fine, pretty sleepy (the eternal fight for the blanket with Steve last night, I swear he's gonna get punched in the face one of these days), but I'm ready for another day.

I'm drinking my Burger King coffee, then my menu for today consists of:

Chai latte (I don't even know if I like chai lattes, so I hope this is good)
S'more granola bar
Chili (in a pouch, scary, I know)
Minestrone
Strawberry cream shake
I'm thinking chicken for dinner tonight

Oh, and for those who are starting Medifast or those on NS who love their shakes, you've gotta get yourself one of these. It works great and it fits nicely in my purse.

Medifast Day 1 Recap

2005-11-02T18:44:00.000-10:00

So, day 1 is over, and it wasn't as awful as I expected. Here's how it went:

Oatmeal. Blech. Vitamin paste. Into trash can.
Orange shake. Yummy!
Cream of Chicken. Thin and bland, but palatable with some salt and garlic powder (they make anything edible, don't they?) I will try it with less water next time so it wont be so thin.
Chocolate Divine bar. Fairly good as far as meal replacement bars go. Not a NS fudge graham bar by far!
Vanilla shake. Deee-lish! Was worried about this since I've had vanilla diet shakes in the past that were wretched.
Salmon steak with light caesar salad. Damn can I cook a fine piece of salmon. I should've licked the plate.
Dutch chocolate shake. Pretty darn good, gotta go easy on the water so they're more shake-like.

The only time I went off plan today was the 2 hard candies (one cinnamon, the other peppermint) that were necessary to remove the oatmeal taste from my mouth and that I didn't use FF salad dressing, just lite caesar (it was a kit).

So, there we have it, 5 Medifast meals and 1 real meal.....I know you count 6 Medifasts, but if you were paying attention you'd see I threw away the vile oatmeal.

I drank more water than I've had in a looooong time, and I didn't feel hungry, just a vague emptiness deep down in my tummy which is new again to me since I've been eating so much junk food lately I've been experiencing that "stuffed to the eyeballs" feeling a lot lately.

Everything has that slightly chalky taste/texture to it, but it's all been suprisingly good. Perhaps when I'm done with this I will transition back to what's left of my NS food for a while.

2005-11-02T16:03:00.000-10:00

Here we are on Halloween. We just got to the hotel, so Steve isn't wearing his mask yet and I haven't put on my riding hood. I would've taken more but my GF was so anxious to get the hell out of there and I left my camera in the room for safekeeping. Oh well.

Quick Update

2005-11-02T08:12:00.000-10:00

Whew!

The orange cream shake is yummy. Just like a melted down creamsicle. I was REALLY scared when I took my first sip. Good to know not everything has the horrible vitamin taste.

I will call Medifast and see if there's any way I can trade out my oatmeal for more shakes. Their customer service is nothing like NS though. And no real support community. That's ok, I've got you guys!

Medifast Day 1

2005-11-02T07:50:00.000-10:00

Ok, finally got my Medifast order and started today.

They ruined oatmeal. I don't know how or why, I honestly didn't think it was possible to ruin oatmeal, but they did.

It tastes like they crushed up vitamins and aspirins into my oatmeal. It smells damn good, but UGH!

Maybe I'll give it one more shot at home. I might be able to doctor it up enough with Splenda and ICBINB spray to eat it. Blech.

This is why Medifast works, you can't actually eat anything they give you? Hehehe.

Oh well. You know my first meal on NS was almost vomit-worthy as well. If I recall, it was eggs, which immediately found their way into my trash can. So I won't hold Medifast too accountable for the first meal.

I think I'll try a shake now instead. I'm a little scared. I'm supposed to have 5 of their things a day (anything whenever I want, just limited to 1 bar) and one healthy "lean and green" meal.

I can do anything for a day.

Haloweenie was fun. Waikiki is ridiculously crowded every year, and I'm always amazed at how naked people get for the occasion. I saw 2 women wearing pasties as part of their costume, and more than enough men in speedos and thongs to last me a lifetime.

I'll post the couple photos I took before going out tonight. I didn't want to take my expensive camera into that crowd.

For those who don't remember, I was Little Red Riding Hood and Steve was the Big Bad Wolf. Of course because he had to mess with his mask a dozen times every day until Halloween the mask tore when he put it on prior to going out. He ended up wearing the face part on top of his head all night. I don't think I got any pics of that.

If he had just listened to me (why can't men do that?) he would have had neat wolf prosthetics glued to his face and he wouldn't have been hot and unable to drink and talk all night (that's what he kept grumbling about and cut a bunch of holes in his mask for ventilation, thus destroying it).

Ok, anything else?

Oh yeah, weight this morning is 151.6. Official Medifast start date and weight. Let's see how I do.

Eeep!

2005-10-21T20:34:00.000-10:00

What have I done?!?!

I just ordered a month's worth of Medifast!

They claim that I can lose up to 20 lbs. in one month. That's really just about all I want to lose now.

I was swayed by a local radio host, Hudson on Star 101.9. She's lost about 50 lbs. on Medifast. I grew up listening to her (well, not grew up, but throughout highschool), and after she had her son, she was basically a fat cow like me. I haven't listened to her in a long time, but a coworker of mine had mentioned it, and tonight as I was surfing I decided to check her out, and I was really amazed with her results! You can see her here.

Let's face it. You can see from my blogging that I'm downright sick of the NS foods. Don't get me wrong, I think they're all delicious, really, and I'm sure I'll eventually eat everything out of my pantry, but right now I'm just not wanting to eat them to lose weight.

Everyone needs a little variety, and maybe this change will be enough to shake things up a bit. I'm a little worried about the way the food will taste. I've seen the little white packets before and they didn't look appealing at all. Blech.

I can take comfort in the knowledge that if this works (and I work it), I will probably only need to be on it for one month.

We all know I've learned how to maintain my weight by the fact that I've managed to not go over 150 in the last 2 months. I've just reached a standstill at going back down.

I'm hoping Medifast will get me there fast, then everything I've learned from NS will kick in and keep me there.

Oh god, what the hell have I done??

burp

2005-10-21T14:11:00.000-10:00

Ok, here's my day so far:

Breakfast:
South Beach breakfast bar
small cup coffee with 1 little cup thing of half & half and equal

Lunch:
3 authentic mexican tacos w/beans and rice
1 huge can Arizona iced tea

Now I can't stop burping! Good news though, I ate about 2 hours ago, and I'm still stuffed (and burping!).

Will probably have a bowl of Special K for dinner tonight too. I know I could have done better for lunch, but I could have done worse, right?

Follow me down

2005-10-21T10:08:00.000-10:00

148.6 this morning.

Slowly but (hopefully) steadily back down again.

Had approx. 3 bowls of Special K for dinner last night, my leftover Salmon for lunch, no workout.

TIIIIIIIIIRED. I need a vacation. So so sleepy!

Oh, I forgot to mention (I didn't realize it was this weekend), but on Sunday morning I have the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 1K fun walk. Blech. How'd I get talked into this? So I suppose I'll be getting some exercise in on Sunday, yay me.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Cripes

2005-10-20T07:12:00.000-10:00

Ok, you can all form a nice uniform circle around me, extend right arm, extend right index finger, now point and laugh.

149.6 this morning. Ok ok, you all know I was full of it yesterday.

I think I've got the junk food desire out of my system for now. Steve had Taco Bell last night (at 10:30, and thought it smelled yummy, I didn't even ask him for a bite.

I did my Pilates yesterday, and I can't believe I ever managed to get through that whole DVD at one point. Damn that hurts. There are some exercises where it actually feels like your ab muscles are going to rip apart from eachother and your innards are gonna pop out all over the floor.

So, this morning I had a bowl of Special K and some 2% milk (I don't care what Steve says, I'm going back to skim) and a spoonful of Splenda. I'm drinking my NF SF vanilla latte right now (you don't suppose Starbucks has been secretely spiking my coffee with whole milk, do you?). I've got my divine leftover salmon in the fridge for lunch.

I think the only way to lose weight is to ditch the man. But since I kinda like having him around, I guess I'll have to try harder to ignore his requests for real food while I eat mine.

Oh yeah, and I'm grouchy as usual. I really can't wait for Halloween weekend, I took Monday & Tuesday off, so I have a niiiiiice loooooong 4 day weekend to look forward to. I really really need it!

Muhwahaha!

2005-10-19T12:54:00.000-10:00

I LAUGH in the face of fat! I SNORT at the sight of grease!

Ok, I give up. I'm a sucky sucky naughty dieter! I couldn't do it. I couldn't talk myself into the NS Fettucine. I think I'm officially sick of this food. How sad.

My grouchiness has a direct correlation to my naughty food consumption, I know that now. I had to drive home from work to give my poor broke BF (payday tomorrow) some money so he wouldn't starve (he managed to lose $12 because he doesn't use his wallet, he shoves stuff in his pockets then wonders why he can't find it later), and he actually asked me if I took his money! That just irritated me. I know he leaves his money sitting around, I leave it alone, because I have my own money in my wallet. Turkey. So I was irked.

I've been getting irked a lot lately. I must need a vacation.

So anywho, I stopped at Jack in the Box on the way back to work, and instead of getting something semi-healthy, I ordered 2 tacos and a Jr. bacon cheeseburger, oooh, and a diet coke! YUM.

I couldn't help it.

I will eat well at dinner, and do my workout. My thought process is this (don't roll your eyes at me): When I ate crap and didn't exercise, I fluctuated between 147 & 150, never over 150. What if I can sometimes eat crap (whenever I damn well feel like it) and exercise (eh, eh?), maybe I can actually see the scale go down?

Skinny girls eat crap food. Skinny girls eat crap food and exercise. Fat girls eat crap and don't exercise.

I think this is a light bulb moment. :P

I said stop rolling your damn eyes at me!

I'll show you!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

2005-10-19T08:52:00.000-10:00

Ok, tum tum muscles still sore, no workout yesterday, shall do one tonight when I get home from work.

I had some fries yesterday, and some hard candy. But we went through the Jack in the Box drivethrough yesterday and I kept with my Southwest Pita, I did succumb to too many fries and buttermilk ranch, but I didn't eat anything else (except for a slice of turkey ham) last night.

148.8 this morning. No new news for me, I've been doing this for months. The real joy will come when I see 146.

I also bid on my Halloween costume, as well as Steves (Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf). Hopefully it will fit and I won't look tragic.

10/17/05 Accountability Log

2005-10-18T09:34:00.000-10:00

Ok, taking off from where I left off yesterday, I got home and had a piece of kal-bi as a protein serving. For dinner I had 1/2-1 cup of leftover dirty rice. Oh yeah, and the very last lone little Reese's Peanutbutter Cup. Lot's of iced tea with Splenda.

And I did my Pilates workout! Yay! Ok, maybe not the whole thing, but as much as my unused muscles could handle. My tum-tum's a little sore today from the beating it took, but I'm happy I got it all in.

Yesterday I was 150, this morning I was 149. We've gotta get down to 146 before I decide this isn't just a regular fluctuation for me :)

This morning I had NS Flakes with 2% (that's all Steve will drink and I can't bring myself to have 2 types of milk in the fridge) with Splenda on top. Missed the coffee, and had the last apple banana at work. Don't have a salad with me, suppose I'll pick one up late on the way home, but I've got my Black Beans and Rice in the drawer for lunch.

So I was thinking to myself....

2005-10-17T12:23:00.000-10:00

...self, why is it October 17th and you've lost exactly 0 pounds since you've proclaimed to lose 10 pounds by the end of the month?

And I told myself: "self, you've been busy, you've been stressed, you've been too tired to exercise, etc. etc." and I looked at myself again and said: "self, that's horseshit and you know it. It's the beer and the 3 bags of Halloween candy you helped Steve polish off. It's the eating dinner at a regular hour and then cooking something different (and yummier looking) for Steve late, and essentially eating 2 dinners. It's being too damn lazy to workout. It's not looking back to NS for some support, which I obviously need at this point."

So, here I am, proclaiming again to get my ass into gear. I've been fiddling between 147 & 150 lbs. for the last month, and I'm damn tired of it now. I peeked at the NS BB (I really don't wanna go back there, it's so full of n00bs now it's downright aggravating!). You guys need to come and scold me. 2 comments on my last post? Have I been away that long that you've all abandoned me?

I was laying out at the beach yesterday, and I started to flex my tummy (half-assed beach Pilates) and I decided this. I poured out my half-drunk (and by now warm) beer and decided I didn't want my weight-loss journey to end here again. Nope. I wanna keep going. Had to eat PB&J for lunch, but I stuck with Diet Barqs. Then Mom made kal-bi (Korean short ribs), very very yummy. I did well on my portion control on that, but I think I had too much wine (I was getting the third degree about Steve since he wasn't there (car salesman eh? smokes? 4 years?) blah blah blah, which just stresses me out. So I admit I sucked down the wine a bit quickly, but these people depressed me. What business is it of theirs how long we've been together and what he does? Dammit. I'm an adult. Let me be.

Anywho.

So, here's what I'm gonna do.

Everyday I'm coming here and posting if I cheated or did well by my diet plan. I'll also post if I managed a workout or not. Please scold me via email and/or comments if I fail to keep up my end of the bargain. Jan and Tina, I know you guys love to scold me. Bob, Sue and Sheryl, you guys are so sweet and encouraging. All the rest of you I haven't heard from in a while, feel free to pitch in and scold. I really just can't bring myself to re-enter the NS BB world anymore. Ugh.

So, even though it's noon today and I have yet to eat my lunch (pasta and beef), I've had my cereal, 2 apple bananas (about 1/2 size of a regular banana), a bottle of OJ (2 servings worth), and a grande NF SF vanilla latte.

I don't know anyone who got fat eating too many bananas and drinking too much OJ ;)

Me likey the boozy too much :P

2005-10-12T09:33:00.000-10:00

I had dinner and drinks with Fran after work yesterday. I have entirely too much fun with a woman who is old enough to by my mother (and then some). I've always got along with people many years my senior. Don't know why. Always thought my peers were stupid and immature in a lot of things, always enjoyed talking to my parents' friends more :)

Well, after our dinner and several beers, we headed back to her place for MORE beer! Whhheeee! She showed me photos from her Alaskan cruise she just got back from....absolutely beautiful by the way. You should all do it one day. The glaciers are amazing. She could blow them up and frame them.

Steve had to work late, and I thought I'd still make it home before him. Well, I was WRONG! Dammit. I got home around 10:15 pm last night, and he beat me by about 20 mins. He was all pissed. I thought he was pissed that I wasn't home before him (I still think that was his main issue) so I got into it with him. Then he just told me he doesn't like me drinking so much. Honestly, it's not like I sit around at home doing Tequila shots while I'm doing the dishes. I'm 25 years old for chrissakes. I have a stressfull job. I enjoy my beer after work. I haven't had beer in my home for months. I have drinks with the girls after a rough day at Chilis. I don't go bar hopping. I'm not out clubbing and puking on the weekends. Really, my only alcohol intake is when I'm out with my girlfriends after work. Maybe it seems like I'm doing it more often simply because of last month and what it did to us at work. I'm still feeling the residual stress and exhaustion.

Everyone at work wants like a 3 month vacation. We all come in and look at our desks and lists of things to do, groan, and try to find another way to put it off. We really just can't do it. We are burned out! Argh!

Anywho, we're better this morning. I'm exhaused and had a tummy ache, but nothing tragic.

I didn't post the other day, but I came home on Monday and cleaned out my closet! Yay! I had gone to Home Depot to get Configurations by Rubbermaid to redo all my shelves in my closet so I could reconfigure it to something more useful. Of course they didn't have it :P

They've carried it in the past, but I guess that since we're in Hawaii, it's not a regular stock item, it's just something they get in occasionally and sell out. Poopie. So I went home defeated. But I decided to clean out my closet anyways. Amazing. I vacuum packe all the dresses I rarely wear, tossed the clothes I never wear or are too young for me into a donation bag, found some shirts I'd been looking for since last year, found the floor of my closet, sucked up the pounds worth of hair bunnies, and organized the closet configuration I already have to at least work better for us in the meantime. Steve wears slacks and aloha shirts, so most of his clothes are hanging. I hang all my work shirts and my jeans. The vacuum and water heater, laundry hamper and soaps, towels and a plastic set of drawers all need to share the same space in this closet. They all had, but very messily. Now that I chucked a bunch of crap, and shrank down some less-than-often worn items and stored them under my bed, I've got plenty of room. I even put my shoes in there! Well, not all my shoes. We'll think about that later ;)

Well, I felt accomplished. This is thanks to Flylady.com. My home is spotless and clean (except for my hotspot on the dining table, still covered in stuff that needs to go to the post office), and when Steve got home I showed him the closet. I said "see, I cleaned it out and organized it!". What was his response? "Oh, ok".

Dammit! Men suck! I want a little acknowledgement for the beautiful household I keep. He knows it didn't always look this way! What, does he not care if it looks like a bunch of pigs rolled through the house? Is it all the same to him?

Anywho, boys are dumb :P

Ok everyone, enjoy my novel. This was a really long and rambling post. I think I started out with a point, and I must have lost it somewhere between the cruise and the towels....sorry :)

Sorry guys....

2005-10-10T12:24:00.000-10:00

But I couldn't stand the random & retarded anonymous comment spam. It's so weird, it's not even on new posts, they must be far back. So I'm sorry to have to succumb to the word-verification garbage.

I'm fat! Argh!

I spent the day at the mall with a girlfriend, and she talked me in (ok, she didn't have to try very hard) to CPK for lunch. We had appetizers, pizza, and a chocolate souffle for dessert! Eep!

And then for no apparent reason (I'm a little depressed) I got a cinnamon roll at Starbucks with my coffee this morning. I'm going to really make an effort to do my workout after work today. I've been rather lethargic and just generally down lately. Haven't been able to put my finger on the cause, but I'm sure the endorphins and physical movement will help get me out of this funk.

I was down to 147.4 on Thursday (sooooo close to 146 I could smell it), back up to 148.6 on Friday (yucky, I was good, too!), so I think that led me to want to eat on Sunday at the mall. I was 149.4 this morning! Ok scale, meet closet, closet, scale. Have fun you two. No more weighing every day!

Steve had to work on his day off, he's worn out and completely exhausted. We don't have much quality time because we're both so burned out. I slept until 1 pm on Saturday, and he crashed last night at 8 pm, woke up at 1 am, fell asleep on the couch, came back to be around 5:30 am. He won't have a day off for another 9 (?) days or so. This is why I really didn't want him to go back to car sales. It's really an awful life.

Did I mention he failed the Firefighter exam by ONE point? Yup. Disgusting, isn't it? He's requested his results be recounted by hand, so I guess we're waiting for those results, but we're not really that hopeful. Damn that sucks. It really does.

I'm going to eat my NS mashed potatoes now (I'm still really really full from that cinnamon roll this morning).

Hope to get out of this funk soon.

Congratulations to BOB!

Counting down

2005-10-05T09:20:00.000-10:00

Hooray!

148.8 this morning. The scale is creeping back down. I'm SO happy to see this number again! In a few days I might even be back to 147 or better - LOWER!

Wheeee!

Glad to see the scale obey again, and even gladder to see that my body is quick to recover from September's ills.

I made tacos last night. Steve had real tacos, I had NS tacos. We also ate a bag of salad (yummy mexican flavor, not too bad on the calories). That was the only official NS thing I ate yesterday, I ate off plan all day, but I followed my guidelines and servings fairly well. My body knows how to eat.

I played hookey from work yesterday. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't drag my ass out of bed and spend a day in the office yesterday. I was going to stay home and vege and read and clean and workout and relax while Steve ran his errands. The problem was that the two of us have a problem leaving the other alone. He didn't leave the house till around 2pm because he didn't want to leave me! LOL

I had to force him to get out and run his errands for work the next day. That also kept me from really doing what I wanted to do, sometimes I just wanna be alone. It was nice though, and I missed him when he was gone. But all in all, I really needed that day. This morning I dragged my sorry ass outta bed and got a big ass Starbucks. Doing paperwork up the wazoo, and a walkthrough. Maybe I'll take off early today. That's one of the luxuries of working on a construction site, your boss isn't breathing down your neck all day, you have a bit of freedom. I always believe that if you get all your work done and no one is suffering because of you, then you should be able to come and go to work as you please. Well, my work gets done, and no one has to do anything for me, I think I should get to leave! I stay late when I need to. I leave early when I can. Life is good.

September is gone, and so is the Fat Fighter Challenge

2005-10-03T10:18:00.000-10:00

Well, that was a bust, wasn't it?

4.8 lbs! In 12 weeks! Bah!

I was doing ok, sure, not great, and I certainly wasn't going to be winning anything when I saw what the other girls were losing, but then I had to go and get an ass-whoopin from the month from Hell.

So much for challenges. Let me know where to send that pineapple, and congratulations!

So here I am, feeling tubby at 150. I know I promised to get back on track on October 1st, and I did. But I forgot I was going to a memorial service for a friend & neighbor who passed away last month. I told myself I wasn't going to eat when I got there since I'd already eaten, but the food was amazing! Even Steve kept raving about the food, and how he tried and liked everything!

Then they had the table with the insanely wonderful brownies and cheesecake. Well, I certainly felt guilty about last night.

But, even after pitfalls and disappointment, here I am with my NS Chocolate Chip bar and vegetable soup. I sadly missed out on my morning Starbucks (which would have made my dairy serving with breakfast), and all my fruit is less than desireable, so I'm going to have to make a run to the grocery store on my way home.

Maybe I'll make a trip back into town and get an afternoon Starbucks and some additions to my meal.

Steve won't be home when I get home; he's working today. That will be nice. I like having a moment to unwind to myself. Then I'll be able to do my Pilates workout, and get some cleaning done with my FLYlady.

He's finally going to have a bit of structure and a schedule, which will certainly help me as well.

Now, when I say I'm going to be 100% with NS, I had first thought I would do the NS food only again, but now that I've thought a little more on it, I've decided that's not really going to happen. It just means I'm going to watch my portion sizes (I've been cooking pretty healthy), and when we go through the Jack in the Box drive through (one of our favorite things to do), it means I'm back to my Southwest Pita and not the two tacos with a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger :(

I know how to eat right. I proved that to myself by maintaining (actually fluctuating up and down a pound or two) since Steve has been back. It's really in the last week or two of September that I really lost it and went nuts.

I'll be fine. I'll get there, in time.

September = Month from HELL

2005-09-28T07:35:00.000-10:00

Ok, sorry everyone, I haven't been avoiding you all on purpose. You should see my email inbox too, I've been too busy to read through my emails.

This has been the MONTH FROM H--E--L--L.

Dammit.

Friday myself and another rep who's been out here all week to help me did 6 orientation tours. That's 3 apeice. To give you an idea, 2 a day is pretty busy, 3 is just busy as hell. Monday, we had 7 orientation tours. We had to call in another rep to do one on Monday because we didn't have time for it.

That means, in 2 business days, we did 13 orientation tours. 13 tours is a busy MONTH.

This is what it means to be at the end of the fiscal year for our company.

We probably shouldn't have done a couple of those walks, because the homes weren't in the awesome condition we like them to be. But we did them to make our closing goals.

So, after some miserable walks on Monday with some downright insane people, the other rep (Lona) and I went out to Chili's for a total pig-out. And I mean pig-out. We ordered 2 appetizers and 2 regular dinner meals, along with the 2 large beers I had. We ate sooooo much I thought I was gonna assplode! But we couldn't take it anymore. The stress was so horrible.

And the worst part? Well, in our status meeting yesterday, I found out that only 7 homes would be recording by the end of the month. WTF? You mean we walked 13 homes in 2 days (not including the 13 homes I'd already walked throughout the month--yeah, that's 26 homes in a month, like I said, that's a hell of a busy month), and we aren't even closing them all like we'd been pushed to do all month?

Fuming. Burned out.

I'm pooped. I feel like I've been beaten into a bloody pulp all month.

On a brighter side, I'm 149 today, so I've managed to hover around my current weight, no major fluctuations up to 180 or anything. I haven't been on plan at all, and I've eaten a bunch of junk food, but I'm still doing ok.

I was given $50 worth of Outback gift certificates that I plan to use this week with Steven, and yes, I plan to eat and drink whatever the hell I want. I know it's wrong to think it, but I deserve it.

I've also told myself that I will hit the ground running at 100% on October 1st (yes, a Saturday!) and get this show back on the road.

I can do it. Once this month settles down, and now that Steve has been here a month, I can settle back down into a decent routine and relax.

I'd like to see how much weight I can lose for Halloween (yes, I will blow it with candy and booze). Imagine, if I work my ass off at full speed through October and November, I could quite possibly be in the 120s (?) around the Holidays! It'll be hard, but we all know it's perfectly doable. I know how to eat when I'm not eating the NS foods.

I got a delivery this month because I forgot to cancel and the notice got sent to my spam. So I've got boxes just sitting in my living room. I was going to cancel this week, but now I'm considering just getting one more shippment and working NS for all it's worth until I reach my goal.

I was determined this month to not let the stress cause me to lose sight of what I really wanted and gain back any weight. I managed to only fluctuate between 2-3 lbs, and I know I can take them off. I'm proud of myself honestly. And I really think someone out there is looking out for me, because I honestly don't know how I managed to put all that crap into my mouth this month and not weigh 180.

Anyway, hopefully you guys will get to see more of me, back to my usual self in October, since it looks like I've got a total of 9 walks that month. Crazy, isn't it? From 26 in one month, down to 9. Hehehe. You guys think I can handle all that?

1 + 1 = 2 and FAT!

2005-09-13T20:39:00.000-10:00

Ugh. I honestly do NOT know how you married people ever managed to lose any weight! I swear, since Steve has been back, I have been eating miserably!

Between work being incredibly busy (no time to run out for Subway for lunch resulted in 3 slices of reheated pizza), and Steven being home (Doritos & Taco Bell) has caused me to feel like a fatty fat fatterson again!

Granted, I haven't gained much, I was up to 148.2 this morning, but I'm definitely starting to creep up again, and this was how it started last time! I don't want this to happen again, I type as I sit here with a bowl of Doritos and a Budweiser Select in front of me! That was my dinner tonight. Some goldfish crackers, 2 beers, and a bunch of Doritos (and boy am I full!).

So, I've got to refocus here. It's too too easy for me to get sidetracked eating like my man (who's kind of tubby right now himself).

I've got a bag of stuff I'm taking to work tomorrow, and in it is a package of NS Black Beans and Rice I discovered hiding in my pantry behind the Spicy Oriental Noodles.

I'm going to make a real effort to get back on track. I know how to eat right, I know it's in me, I just have to show a little more willpower now that someone else is here dangling the goods in front of me.

Well kids, time to go, miss you all, please report back! Hopefully I will once again have some semblance of a life next month and will get to visit more often!

Fat Fighter Challenge Week 9 Weigh-In

2005-09-09T14:07:00.000-10:00

Whoops!

I just clicked over to Edith's blog thinking she was going to handle the FFC weigh-in today, and realized she hadn't, so, here it is, better late than never!

Please weigh-in ladies.

I'm 147.6 as of this morning. A little fluctuation after Steve got back, sorry the posts have been lacking, but with him home hogging my attention, and work being a bitch with our year-end goals to make, I just haven't had the time.

I'll probably be a little scarce around here, but that should hopefully change by October.

As for the weekly results email I send out, sorry, but unless someone else wants to volunteer to plug in my spreadsheet and send that out, I'm just going to send out the final one at the end of the month, but please post your weigh-ins here for us to see!

Have a great weekend, I'll try to report some more on my feelings and what's going on tomorrow while Steve is taking his Firefighter exam.

I did it! I did it!!

2005-09-03T11:16:00.000-10:00

I had a mini-goal of being 147 when Steven got back. Well, yesterday I was 148.8, and this morning, I was 147.8!!!

I did it! I did it! 0.8 of a pound is nothing, and I still consider this a great success!

I'm just so happy! I spend about 20 minutes after I got off the scale repeating: "I did it, I did it, I did it!"

So, my sidebar has been adjusted accordingly. I hope everyone else is having a great week as well!

Fat Fighter Challenge Week 8 Weigh-In

2005-09-01T22:51:00.000-10:00

Ok, you know what to do, weigh in ladies. Good luck.

Hurricane Katrina Relief

2005-08-31T19:07:00.000-10:00

Ok everyone, the time is now. Let's help out our brothers and sisters along the Gulf Coast. Katrina has literally devastated thousands of lives. Americans have always been there for nations in need, but sadly, we are very rarely at the receiving end of other nations' aid. But you know what? That's just OK. Why? Because we are Americans, dammit. We take care of our own. This is how we do it. We've survived depressions, earthquakes, flooding, tornados, hurricanes, and terrorist attacks. And we've done it for ourselves. Our generosity knows no bounds when it comes to nations in need, but when it comes to our own, we never fail to amaze eachother with our generosity and love and support.

You don't think you can afford to help? Skip a Starbucks for a couple days and send them $10. Buy the generic brands at the grocery store and send them $25. Heck, send them the equivalent of what you scrounge out of your pockets, couch cushions, and car ashtray!

I just spent a pretty penny on a facial and waxing the other week. How could I sleep at night if I could afford these silly little luxuries, but talk myself out of a donation to help someone who's lost everything? Everything!

Please give to the American Red Cross, Salvation Army, or any other charity aiding the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

Shout at the Devil.

2005-08-29T20:06:00.000-10:00

JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

1. What is the ratio of sexy panties to granny panties currently in your possession?

Lucky me, I just went panty shopping on Sunday! Woohoo! No actual granny panties, not since that incident at leadership camp in highschool, no, not since then. I've got some smokin' hot panties now! Can't wait for that Highschool Reunion now!

2. Pretend you won one of those “make your dream come true” deals that Oprah is always giving away. What would you ask for?

A yacht, enough money to spend lounging on said yacht all year, and Amanda (3lambs') hardbody. Oh yeah, and world peace?

3. Describe your high school days in one word.

My Little Pony. That's 3 words huh? Ok, I never followed directions very well.

4. If you could shag any celebrity in the world, who would be your top three picks?

1) Harrison Ford - check - Jan can have my sloppy seconds
2) Orlando Bloom - only with the elf ears though or the pirate garb
3) Colin Firth - yuuuuum

Only three?? WTF?

5. If you had all the money in the world, more than you could ever spend in four lifetimes, would you eat some??

Have you ever seen what money goes through in it's lifetime??? Ever since the strip club, I will NEVER AGAIN! Put dollar bills in my mouth. But I guess if it was freshly minted bills I'd have some sprinkled on top of my gold-plated filet mingon for color.

6. Tag Three People:

Once again only 3?? What's up with that?

1) Sheryl at A Day in Sheryl's Life
2) Megan at My Weightloss Journey
3) Nikki at Nikki's Sweet Nothing's

Monday, Monday

2005-08-29T08:07:00.000-10:00

*blech*

Mondays are the yuckiest days. And here I sit, at my desk, absolutely surrounded by paperwork and other such nonsense that I have to deal with at some point today and this week. And what am I doing about it? Yup, blogging. Can we say pro-cras-tin-ate?

Another reason Mondays are yucky? Well, yesterday the scale read a miraculous 148.2, meaning one more pound to make my goal of being lighter than Steve has ever known me. What did I weigh this morning? 149.6! Fine, be that way, see if I care :P

Oh yeah, did I mention that Steve is coming back in 6 days? Gee, I forgot that? Must be ALL THE DAMN STRESS I'm dealing with. Hehehe.

You should see my face/skin. I really need to consider a paper bag on my head this week. Of course, right? I get to be all broken out and hideous the first time he sees me in 9 months. Such is life.

I did, however, spend the day shopping at Fredrick's of Hollywood....and BOY did THAT make me feel good! No, seriously. I was smokin hot! I even splurged and got the little red lace (not the maribu) bedroom spike heels to go with my ensemble. Hehehehe. I'll try not to give the poor guy a heart attack, but I don't think he'll know what hit him.

So the last few weeks I just haven't had it in me to post as frequently as usual. Work's been a total bitch, and now I'm stressing over this man coming back into my life. I've been alone for 9 months, now I have to learn how to have a roomate again. Good times, good times.

Yesterday driving to the mall was the first time that I started to get that really antsy wiggin-out thing. Anyone know what I'm talking about? I know you military wives know the feeling. The really antsy, stressed-out, hand-wringing, wiggin out feeling you get when you know your husband is coming home and you're seeing eachother for the first time in MONTHS. And you're so nervous! Especially if you've changed (I've lost 20 lbs). It's kind of like a first date feeling again. *sigh*

Ok, anywho. Needless to say, I'm stressing out. Hehehe. *sigh*

Hope everyone else is having a good Monday.....and I'm sending my prayers out to all those who are experiencing Katrina right now.

Fat Fighter Challenge Week 7 Weigh-In

2005-08-25T18:30:00.000-10:00

Edith left the following message in my comments:

Yeap...
I ordered the featherdusters and I already received them BUT I'm not at home... I'm in San Juan preparing to have surgery on Tuesday (August 30)... I'll keep you posted.

BTW you are the leader of the FFC for the next two weeks. If you can't do it just assign it to anyone else who have a blog.

Glod Bless You

So, please post your Friday's weigh in here for me, and send your prayers to Edith. Let's hope she's alright.

I'm 99% decided to cancel my autoship

2005-08-22T16:50:00.000-10:00

No no, I'm not quitting. Just figure at this point (6 months worth) I think I'd better learn to fend for myself, and if I haven't learned anything by now I'm just pretty hopeless.

I've got a whole stash of stuff since I've been really bad about eating on plan, and I will probably order some of my favorites ala carte, like the chocolate chip bars, black beans and rice, tex-mex, and pasta primavera. Some of the NS foods are just to DIE for.

I've been eating the South Beach breakfast bars the last few days, not bad. And I think I can make healthy choices for myself.

If I "go it on my own" and don't lose jack shit, and actually GAIN--the horror!--I can always restart the plan for a bit.

The lunches are what worry me the most, even what seem like healthy fast food choices sometimes turn out to be the absolute worst choices (Taco Bell taco salad, anyone?), and I still have a really hard time with buying something in the drive thru and not eating it all. It's like I just threw away $5, ya know?

I think I'm a smart cookie, and should be able to do well, I've tried to do my own "eat right" type diets in the past, and as you can see they obviously didn't do anything for me. That's why I want to kill Amy and Christina. They are wicked evil for doing it on their own and having such disgustingly fabulous success with it.

Catty? Me? No! :P

Off the diet stuff, I just got my 2 featherdusters from Flylady.com. Edith, if you haven't ordered these, you MUST! They are fantastic! I just dusted my whole damn house in like 15 minutes! I'm working on the Flylady stuff. It's hard to learn new habits, and I'm floundering, but my home is decent enough to where I could actually have someone over and not have to stress about poo-poo undies in the dining room or something (I have dogs, anyone with dogs will know that they like to put on any clothes you left on the floor and strategically leave them strewn about the home where only company would stumble across them).

Ha ha. That reminds me of my parent's dog Teddy. He was awful in that regard! He would come into my bedroom to roll on my carpet (and skank it up), but in the process he'd manage to get my bra or panties over his head and he'd come out when my friends were over with dirty underwear around his neck. Little brothers are wicked.

Anywho, dogs are evil satan spawn and you'd better pick up any poo-poo undies they have access to.

Look Jan! You complained about me not posting, so here you get me rambling! Enjoy :)

To Thinfinity...and Beyond!

Amy has again inspired me

Credit Card Theft Sucks a Big Fat One

I'm alive! Fat, but alive

Bust

Week 2

I need to get outta here!

What is Herbalife?

1st week down!

Hey Everybody

Oh my god! How'd I get so fat?

Diet schmiet

Up one

I'm SICK!

Still tired

Super Pooped

Finally!

I've been lying to myself

Disgusting, isnt it?

Obey the Polaris Gods

To Thinfinity...and Beyond!

Ok ok, I'm back I guess

Bugaboo

Bugaboo

S.A.D.

Uh oh, Jan's crackin' the whip again

Oops, I tripped up

Wow, I'm still going!

Keeping the Momentum

Baby Steppin' It

Off to a good start

Hooray!!

Update

104

Hello

Bored

Choices

I'm a freak

Starting Over.....again

Lazy ass

From "Ew" to "Ooh!"

Caught up

Flabbergasted!

At least I'm maintaing....

Stress Sucks

New Week

Good grief

Sundays

One week down

Accountability Cha-cha-cha

Ta-Da!

Another year has come and passed....and I'm still fat!

Cleanup

Applause....

Sibling rivalry

*sigh*

13 days

Ugh

Don't let the wagon wheel hit your ass on the way down

Looks like I'm back on the wagon

I fucking quit

Heaven

I still see fat

What gives?

CRAP!

Woohoo-hee-hoo!! (I peeked)

*pout*

Whoopsie

No more compromises

Medifast Day 4 Recap

Medifast Day 3 Recap

Day 3

Medifast Day 2 Recap

Nice

Medifast Day 1 Recap

Quick Update

Medifast Day 1

Eeep!

*burp*

Follow me down

sigh

pout

burp